boys with long hair

[violet79]

My children have recently started a new school. When picking the school we met with the headteacher and looked around the school and talked about my childs special needs and the appeared very welcoming.
The whole time we were in the process of meeting with the schools and choosing, the school we eventually chose said nothing about my sons long hair. In fact we read the schools uniform policy and the only mention of hair was no extreme styles or braids.
But now they have been there a couple of months the head teacher held an assembly to tell all pupils with long hair must wear a pony tail. I already was sending in hair bobbles for PE and swimming. But considering he is already being called by a girl by one kid in his class i thought this was a little off.
My son is the only one being chased up on the matter with lots of girls stuill coming to school with thier long hair down.
In a meeting with the head she said that another parent is complaing that they cant put tracks in their sons hair but my son can have long hair so she had to do something about it. Although i cannot see why as it wasnt in thier policy and tracks is...and tbh i feel its sexual discrimination. I pointed out that its not fair that some other parent should dictate how long my sons hair can be. The school have admitted they have a year 6 pupil whose had his hair long the whole time hes been there...when i asked if he had to wear a pony tail they said no but now he will have too...so this is a new rule just for my son. I have refused to put bobbles in his hair and the school say i am being unresonable. My son has special needs and has had enough stress changing schools without adding to it. Any support for my cause will give me the strength to stand up for my son.
p.s...he is adament he does not want it cut saying that it would not feel like he was himself anymore.

It sounds like they've decided to start sticking to a policy rather than making new rules.

Why on earth would you want to put bobbles in your son's hair instead of a plain hair tie?

DS had to comply with the school rule of hair below shoulder length having to be tied back. I did see girls at times with loose hair from time to time, and it is unfair if a rule is applied only sporadically (anything, not just hair).

Keep your DS within the (tied back hair) rules, as there is nothing actually wrong with this (or its enforcement). Leave the school to deal with other pupils' compliance.

to be fair though opinion isn't fact minimiss

It was a band,I use bobbles as a use all term,it still fell out.

Well then the school needs to stand firm on the long hair policy and send letters out to all parents clarifying the policy and police it better in school,

I am another one who dislikes very long hair on boys don't know why just think it looks daft, but each to their own.

I love long hair on DS2 but it would never look right on DS1.

DS1's hair is curly grows outwards
DS2's is curly and grows in gorgeous ringlets.

Today a friend asked him if he wanted his hair cut and he said "No I don't, I like my hair"

When he asks we'll have it done.

If the school rule is anyone regardless of gender has to have long hair in bobbles then YABU.

IS your DS really that bothered about having to wear his hair up just for school?

Many schools do have different hair rules for girls and boys don't they? I think this is partly about smartness and conformity - which is what uniform is partly about, so TBH, it doesn't sound desperately unfair to me to let girls have long hair but not boys.

And uniform and dress codes are also about convention, aren't they? When I was at school, we couldn't wear trousers (even at my first infant school which had no uniform, just a no trousers for girls rule). These days, many schools do let girls wear trousers, but I don't think many have skirts on the uniform list for boys - and I think the majority would find it accaeptable that boys should not allowed to to wear a skirt to school.

And as an absolute extreme example, DDs wouldn't (I sincerely hope) be allowed to go swimming with school in Speedo trunks. And I think it would probably not go down well if a boy turned up to swim in a one-piece costume with a little frill round the waist! The former may be about decency, but the latter is simply about convention.

So, I think describing it as sexual discrimination is a tad U.

Expecting all boys to abide by the same rules is NU. However, if they try to make an older boy tie his hair up and he refuses, I'm not sure that is a reason to follow suit.

I'm all for giving kids a bit of choice but quite frankly they need to know if they don't want their hair cut, they have to tie it back in school.

That's that really.

If his SN include significant sensory issues, then putting his hair up when he's never had it done before could be an issue. Likewise haircutting can be a major trauma for many children with ASDs.
That's why I asked 'Why' when another poster wrote:
''I think the SN has no bearing on whether he should or should not comply.''

I wondered if she knew what she was talking about or just doing a general harrumph.

Agree with Worral

"I think this is partly about smartness and conformity - which is what uniform is partly about,"

if it is considered smart for a girl to have her long hair tied up then it is smart for a boy to have the same.

"but I don't think many have skirts on the uniform list for boys - and I think the majority would find it accaeptable that boys should not allowed to to wear a skirt to school"

there was a news story a few months ago where a boy attended school in a skirt. AFAIK the school could not stop him. as it should be IMO

"And I think it would probably not go down well if a boy turned up to swim in a one-piece costume with a little frill round the waist! "

it mightn't go down too well but there should be no rule to prevent it. why shouldn't a boy cover as much of his body for swimming as a girl does if that is how he feels comfortable?

Booooooyhoo,

Because this is the real world. The real world is a humdrum of rules and regulations and doing things to fit in. And teaching DCs when it is right to follow the rules (like at school/Scouts/youth clubs/sports/other people's houses, for example), and when it is okay to push the boundaries or challenge the rules, is a part of equipping them for a successful life in the real world.

What's more, ensuring DCs wear strict uniform and look smart tends (I say tends advisedly, rather than making a blanket statement which would be wrong) to be part of a packet of measures that improves behaviour and learning outcomes in schools.

fourkids, i totally agree with you, children need to learn that rules exist and they should comly but rules should be enforced equally. if the rule is that long hair should be tied up then all long hair should be tied up. there is nothing on this earth that logically justifies why long hair is only smart on boys if tied up but not on girls. nothing except small mindedness that is.

Hi, thanks for so many replies...
just to clarify, they are not enforcing the rule with the girls in the school and nor were they enforcing it with the year 6 boy with long hair...(his hair being slightly shorter but still past the shoulders).
it wasnt the school rule, they are thinking about making it a new rule but no meeting with the governers has been held yet.
He is quite upset about tying it back...his hair is very curly and it hurts him. he has special needs that i wont go into that effect how he feels about it , but his hair is shorter at the front so a pony tail at the back wouldnt keep it off his face , he would need a high pony tail. which hurts him even more. any alice bands would cause more bullying as hes not david beckham...he cant pull off that style.
the long layers at the back of his hair are down to his armpit...although he didnt have layers cut in...thats the way its grown naturally. hes never had it stylled...let alone extreme styled.
i actually would prefer it if he had it short...my other son has short hair...he wanted it long but was comfortable having it short when i insisted...my son with long hair gets VERY stressed when i talk about cutting his hair...it is actually an ordeal for me trying to wash and brush it because he has special needs and cannot deal with such things himself. that said ...im not at a point where i would say to him im not doing it anymore. but every day after school i try and lure him to the hairdressers, so i am trying to change his will. its the particular special need he has...i dont want to go into it too much for i feel thats too private for a public forum and may help identify me.
downbytheriverside...thankyou for teh advice..i intend to check and see if the older boy is being enforced, but i doubt it, not after so many years not being.
gosh it didnt occur to me that they may be drawing on the use of the word bloody ...thats a good point.
mrs heffley...the exact same goings on are going on at my sons school...loads of girls with long flowing hair ...much longer than my sons ...and never been an issue, and not being told to tye it back :(

Booooooyhoo,

I absolutely agree with you.

"the head teacher held an assembly to tell ALL pupils with long hair must wear a pony tail." No discriminiation there.

I'm not sure how anyone would know whether the girls in the OPs DS's class are being chased up or not...

Possibly, just like the older boy, everyone has been told the rule and only some (boys and girls) are choosing to abide by it.

It must be a difficult situation if you actually would rather him have his hair cut, and it's causing you both stress having to wash and brush it.

Would a mobile hairdresser doing it in the familiar surroundings of your home help any?

Maybe you could just have a little bit taken off the first time so it's not such a shock for him?

just thought though...my son with long hair hasnt been caught by the teachers saying bloody...only my other son...the one with long hair is being bullied and its the bully thats caught him saying it...and then threatens to tell on him for saying it...its my younger one who is being made to apologise for it. so maybe its not that...unless they are grouping our family which may be the case.

fourkids i'm not sure i understand your train of thought, or that you understand mine. i was referring to your posts that said it wasn't unfair that schools had different rules for girls than boys. i am aware of what the OP posted.

And if they are truly only trying to enforce it with the DC's DS with SN, not the other girls or boy, I would suggest there is far more to it than just sexual discrimination. Different rules for girls and boys is one thing, different rules for different boys may be quite another.

downbytheriverside...yep his special needs is majorly to do with sensory issues...and what bothers me more is the school knew this and also knew he had long hair...but never said anything when we were visiting and trying to choose schools...they just said that they would gladly welcome my boys and make allowances for special needs and look forward to them starting if we choose their school.

fourkids...it is a case of different rules for different boys...when the head mentioned that the rule is fair, i said that my son is the only boy , she informed me there is another boy with long hair whos had it long for 6 years ...i asked if hes ever had to tye it back or if hes being made to tye it back now she looked dumbfounded...and then said oh well i guess he will have to now then wont he! ...this shows that its my son in particular shes bothered with...and i think this comes back to the fact that the parents of the boy who has trackes in his hair has singled out my son as an example...these people happen gto be the people we moved in next door to who wont look at us let alone say hello...which makes me more to feel like standing up for my son...as i feel i should be the one to decide if he has long hair , not my next door neighbour who dosent like it. I know they are not enforcing it with the girls...i know this because there has been no letter sent home at all...and none of the girls HAVE complied...i asked y son if the girls in his class are being spoken too about it when he is and he said no. there has been no letter sent home to say that they are annoyed with the complete lack of compliance...and now now the head wants a meeting with me, the head and my son to talk him down into having his hair cut...this would traumatise him completely.

Two things...

violet79, if they said they would "make allowances for special needs" I would perhaps go and have a discussion with them about this, because of the two are tied together (The hair tying back and the SN), they may not understand this?

Booooooyhoo, poss communication breakdown. Sorry about that. My train of thought is, admittedly, confused! I guess I'm saying that it may be that the school are trying to enforce the rule with ALL children - there are certainly children at my DCs' schools who don't follow the dress code, and although I have never witnessed the school telling those children off or speaking to their parents, I know this occurs.
And if they actually have different dress codes for girls and boys, well so does life I'm afraid. And I think that a parent arguing that their boy should be allowed to wear a skirt to school, or a one piece swimming costume, on the basis of sexual discrimination must be very desperate to cause 'you're being prejudiced' waves.

violet79, ha! you were writing while I was writing :)

I'm obviously not understanding this at all am I? Sorry.

It's just that your last post just confirms 9as far as I can see) that this is less about sexual discrimination (which is the only thing I was potentially challenging), and more aboout prejudice particularly towards your son.

I am trying not to be thick, honest!

I would have thought that H&S comes into it also, boys tend to rough play more, so long hair can be a problem, they tend to not be as self caring etc than girls, because they don't put pressure on each other to look pretty/tidy.

Sometimes with SN children you have to be firm and only when you get continual meltdowns give in. My DD with moderate LD's would be happy to go weeks without a bath ot hair wash, but that would be cruel, whether it's only a social norm or not she has to be equiped to live in the real non-SN world.

There have been sikh boys in her school who have had to come round to having their hair tied up.