boys with long hair

[violet79]

My children have recently started a new school. When picking the school we met with the headteacher and looked around the school and talked about my childs special needs and the appeared very welcoming.
The whole time we were in the process of meeting with the schools and choosing, the school we eventually chose said nothing about my sons long hair. In fact we read the schools uniform policy and the only mention of hair was no extreme styles or braids.
But now they have been there a couple of months the head teacher held an assembly to tell all pupils with long hair must wear a pony tail. I already was sending in hair bobbles for PE and swimming. But considering he is already being called by a girl by one kid in his class i thought this was a little off.
My son is the only one being chased up on the matter with lots of girls stuill coming to school with thier long hair down.
In a meeting with the head she said that another parent is complaing that they cant put tracks in their sons hair but my son can have long hair so she had to do something about it. Although i cannot see why as it wasnt in thier policy and tracks is...and tbh i feel its sexual discrimination. I pointed out that its not fair that some other parent should dictate how long my sons hair can be. The school have admitted they have a year 6 pupil whose had his hair long the whole time hes been there...when i asked if he had to wear a pony tail they said no but now he will have too...so this is a new rule just for my son. I have refused to put bobbles in his hair and the school say i am being unresonable. My son has special needs and has had enough stress changing schools without adding to it. Any support for my cause will give me the strength to stand up for my son.
p.s...he is adament he does not want it cut saying that it would not feel like he was himself anymore.

Any school that has parents who complain to the Head because they are not allowed "tracks" in their hair, must be sited in an aspirationaly-limited catchment area.
Could you change schools ?
Have your boys hair cut nicely first though, a smart style, avoid anything shaved or pushed over to one-side.
Good Luck

Very sad to read some of the comments on here about how boys hair 'should' be. I see girls every day with so many different styles, up or down, ribbons or bobbles etc but of course this is fine because they are girls??
Yet boys need a nice smart crew cut??
My boys all have different hair styles of their own choosing and my only caveat is that they keep it clean and tidy according to that style.
Since when has it been ok to assume that boys should all look the same?

Rosemary what a pretentious thing to say...I hope it was tongue in cheek. 'aspirationally limited' indeed!

Birds that has to be the most sexist thing I've heard on MN-and you clearly haven't seen my dd playing "Killer Boy Rats" during playtime.

i agree livingonaprayer. very sad to see such small mindedness. boys are as individual as girls are and not all of them want to look like their classmates. and short hair just doesn't suit some children! make or female. the same way some adults look better with a bit of hair around their face so do some children. if the rules of school say tie it back then tie it back but dont make two different rules for girls and boys.

To me this is yet another example of why uniform in schools is such a bad idea, causing petty battles and stress all around. I assume that the OP's child is at primary school, in which case as I understand it they can't legally enforce uniform in any case. I wonder if you can legally be excluded for not following hair rules?

However it sounds as if the OP's son would actually be much happier with shorter hair if washing and brushing it is so difficult for him, so I think it would be worth checking out whether there are any come to your house hairdressers locally, or indeed anyone who has experience with children with behavioural problems (ADHD or AS).

Plus maybe this is something that the people from the special school that helped with the charts could help with? It doesn't sound like the school have really understood that your child has significant issues and needs a lot of support (my ds went to a school with a unit for children with mild/moderate behavioural problems and it was very helpful to have the input for the more mainstream children like my ds who has traits, lots of great advice)

Nope, I would not be accepting a talk with the HT trying to browbeat one of my dc into changing their appearance. And no way would I make my DS1 (also has longer hair) tie his hair back if the girls weren't.

However - if the rule was enforced for EVERY child, girl OR boy at the school, then I would be telling my DS1 that he would have to have his hair tied back. I don't give two HOOTS for what is 'socially acceptable' and whether it is assumed that long hair = girl, short hair = boy.

My opinion - same rule enforced for all, dc have to go along with it. One rule for one child, but not for others, then dc are free to ignore it. If the school were then shirty with me - I would repeat to the HT that as soon as they enforced the rule for all children at the school, my dc would do it. If the school refused to enforce the same rule for all children - then my children would not be picked on and BULLIED by the teachers / HT in this way - and I would be taking it higher if it continued.

Sexism has no place in a 21st century school. And a 21st century school shouldn't be enforcing gender bias either.

fourkids...
sorry i was just trying to get by on giving as little away as nessasary...but i guess if i want accurate opinions i have to give a lil bit more away :)

birdsgottafly...the problem is he says it wont feel like he is himself anymore...ive had this with him before and its affected him deeply when ive insisted...there are more issues where he feels affected and confused as to who he is and i am seeking advice at the SN family centre on how to deal with them...but the head wants to press the issue and is causing ME stress to move forward before ive had advice, every time i ring up about any little thing i get pressure over the issue and its very stressful. Im very sure that shes not doing this to other pupils.

when i was at school all the other girls every used to do was pull my hair...my sons never had his hair actually pulled by a boy...just a thought.

boooyhoo, very true...my son has a very large forehead...if he had it short it wouldnt suit him at all.

Oh, just tie hair back and save your energy for the more important battles you are sadly but undoubtedly going have to fight as the pqrentnof a child with special needs.

I'm sick of schools who make such a fuss about total rubbish like 'extreme styles or braids' - it appeases parents to have a smart uniform policy and it gives the appearance of a stronger school ethos but actually many other countries do much better educationally with no school uniforms.

You can stick a load of kids from a low-achieving school in uniforms and lots of parents will say 'oh that looks nice' but actually they are still the same kids with the same issues. Just now the teachers have to police every time someone wears non-regulation trousers. Yawn.

I was involved in three very long conversations about whether our 8yo's light brown shoes were acceptable under the school's 'brown or black shoes' rule. Waste of everyone's time.

nooka...its myself that gets stressed washing and brushing my sons hair...not my son...and as i say ...its nothing i have found i cant deal with yet. But its not the hairdressers he is worried about ...i have offered to do his hair myself...he just wants it long and is worried that he wont be himself if its not. With his special needs the advice is to not pressurise him to do anything that will cause confusion with his identity.

seeker....if i stopped fighting this battle with the head i would be spending my energy fighting a harder one with my son...believe me

Violet, I'm a bit confused, would you mind clarifying for me? Is this a rule that the school has told you about but hasn't been made official? If that is the case, I would ignore it until it has become official - letters home to everyone/appearing in school handbook/compliance from other pupils.

Nooka - I don't think there is any problem with a school having a uniform policy, it's the enforcement of it that tends to cause the problems. A clearly stated and enforced policy is a very positive thing but must be applied across the board. I drive past children from 2 schools on my way to work and it's obvious which has the stricter policy and which children look smarter. It may be a generalisation but I also know which of the schools has the best results and reputation and it isn't the one where skirts are like pelmets and ties appear to come in varying lengths. Old fashioned maybe but give me decent school uniform any day of the week!

duvetdayplease...
this is very true, i had my youngest come home the other day saying he had been told off for having dull orange stripes on his socks....they couldnt even be seen under his trousers. so now i need to buy socks just for school. im just waiting for the day they come home telling me that they cant wear thier orange boxers and need grey briefs :S

millyr...yes you are right...i am doing my best to ignore...but as i say the phone calls and deviations to this point are getting harsh... i think i am more prepared with what to say now though thanks to the many helpful replies :)

Oh FGS!

Society has rules and schools reflect that. My DSs' school bans boys with hair that is too long/short/coloured.

If a young bloke turns up at an office job interview wiith extreme short/long/coloured hair it speaks volumes about his atitude.

Fine in a rock band - not elsewhere.

Actually, society has norms, not rules. As far as I know, there's no law against having stupid hair

BTW, I meant stupid hair in general, not this specific hair under discussion - sorry, that could sound quite critical of your son's hair (I am now going to stop digging!)

Morebeta, the Op's child is in a primary school. I doubt he is out looking for work.

I disagree with primary schools banning any hairstyle unless there are health and safety reasons. It sets up a bad example if schools create rules which cannot be enforced.

It is an obvious method of keeping discipline - never make a threat if you cannot actually carry it out when the child breaks the rule.

So he won't have it tied back?

morebeta, depends on the job, and the career and the level of specialism. My son is not being paid to go to school.