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AIBU?

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Original poster

to feel resentment over cliquey parents at school

421 replies

MothInMyKecks · 06/10/2011 17:39

Just left a kiddie's party, 4-5, where my little one was the only one to turn up. Angry, and he had a broken wrist so couldn't exactly join in on the bouncy castle. Birthday boy is 5 today and his little face broke my heart. He bounced madly for the best part of half the party whilst me and his Mum made small talk.

I know, I just fucking know that the clique of parents in this class made a decision to not go, because the child is a bit messy, doesn't speak (elective mute), his mother is a bit of a loner, he has no Dad, they're a bit skint. FFS, it was a party and no other kid turned up. I know some parents had to work etc, but I know this class and their parents and many fuckers decided to not go because he's not in the clique. Twating parents. If they could only have seen his face. I never imagined a 5 year old could be humiliated, but I saw it written all over his little face.

And his mother is brassick, totally skint, yet she'd paid out good money to pay for this. Table was laden with food and no fucker turned up.

Sorry - no doubt will get a flaming by some, but I don't feel the need to don a flame proof coat or hat because I'm boiling with anger already Sad

OP posts:
HappyDoll · 06/10/2011 18:10

I went to a party the other day where the parent had invited a child in a wheelchair with severe physical disabilities. This child is bright and in mainstream school but this was his first party.

He had a blast, ate cake, spun his chair around on the dancefloor, laughed, laughed and laughed. The best bit? Not one of the other children thought his presence was unusual. Why would they? It was only at the end when he let it slip that he'd never been to a party before.

Trust me, it's not the kids making those decisions.

JamieComeHome · 06/10/2011 18:12

Bonsoir - I have seen it many many times. Many people, especially those of PFBs are desperate to make friends and for their child to make friends in the first weeks of school - it's completely understandable

grumplestilskin · 06/10/2011 18:12

what a strange thing to say bonsoir! surely if you're new to an area/school its one of the most logical ways to get to know people? DS was at a party this weekend thrown by a kid that noone really knew before hand (new). But we all know them now!

pigletmania · 06/10/2011 18:13

Why bonsoir! The mum might have wanted to break the ice and for her ds to get to know different kids. Whats wrong with that. Its the parents that are in the wrong, not the child or his mum.

Flamingredhead · 06/10/2011 18:13

jamie

exactly lead by example especially at the age of 5 and you knwo what age 8 I would unless bullied expect dd to go to party she invited to especially if knew the party child had sn or was struggling with friendships .But then again age 8 she understands what compassion is

pengymum · 06/10/2011 18:13

Grin at Georgimama's DS!
Bonsoir, if the parent has accepted an invitation, they should turn up, if their child has had a change of heart and doesn't want to go, you can at least call and apologise. It happens. I am sure we have all been there! I have tried to make it clear to my children that once you have agreed to do something, you have to do it if at all reasonably possible. Of course, people get sick etc but then you call and apologise. You do not just not turn up! And a whole class not turning up is beyond belief! Shock
I hope there is some other explanation like the wrong date or something!

verytellytubby · 06/10/2011 18:14

The parents are arseholes. Did they RSVP or just not turn up? No way did 30 kids decide not to go.

Arseholes.

TipOfTheSlung · 06/10/2011 18:15

Did they confirm yes?

Caoimhe · 06/10/2011 18:15

Oh fgs ignore Bonsoir - she's just attention seeking.

Carrotsandcelery · 06/10/2011 18:15

I am so so Sad for this wee boy.

I really feel for the mother too.

My ds has mental health problems and has had to be moved to another class in the school due to PARENTAL bullying and shunning. It is the most horrific thing and has made what was a very mild problem much much worse.

I am so so Angry that we are not an isolated case.

He wants to have a birthday party to get to know the other dcs in his new class. Now I am terrified no one will turn up as it would set us back massively.

bonsoir maybe this mother had no idea that others could be so discriminatory and rude. They should have at least replied to say they couldn't come. If you don't reply to a party invite you cost the host a lot of money for no good reason.

grumplestilskin · 06/10/2011 18:17

Caoimhe prob is it's not just anonymity induced brovado/attention seeking, people like bonsoir are acting on this in real life.

Original poster
MothInMyKecks · 06/10/2011 18:18

I've not been able to read all your posts, but thank you for replying. My anger is now a simmering resentment and I'm flicking through lists of parents in my mind - who are definitely working, got commitments etc or who have been thoughtless and cruel fuckers. Boy oh boy, someone's going to cop it from me.

There's always, always a large group of parents who never fail to miss a party, yet they don't turn up here?

His Mum didn't say anything in that respect. I don't know why. I mumbled that there were a few out of the class with viral infections, but I felt so fucking lame. Bastards barstards bastards. He had a house party last year and the food that his Mum put on the table was amazing. Table was bloody buckling with the weight of it. Only about 5 kids turned up and apart from a Dad I know, everyone else stood around having a good gawp at this kids home.

Sorry - been trying to reply for ages, but my MIL is here and the little one's are making pizza dough. Mess is an understatement.

There's no way there was a mis communication - I was in the school last week when the invitations were given out.

Seething now. Poor little mite.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 06/10/2011 18:19

DD was 5 within 2 weeks of starting in Reception, it was a staggared start, so some kids had only been in school for a week by the time it was her birthday.
They didn't know each other and hadn't established friendships so I invited the whole class, what else could you do?
Luckily for her, DD is NT and a pretty little think so everyone turned up.

SauvignonBlanche · 06/10/2011 18:19

thing (she doesn't think much!)

Flamingredhead · 06/10/2011 18:20

Bonsoir is a perfect case of money does not mean manners

excitedLJ · 06/10/2011 18:20

this made me cry - admittedly not difficult at 35 weeks preggo - but this is just the saddest thing. I too do not believe that 30 children independently decided not to go to a party. How do these parents level this sort of thing with themselves, what exactly have they achieved? Can you imagine sitting at home feeling happy with yourself knowing that because of you and your mates a 5 year old child had a crap birthday? shits.

Horrible.

Original poster
MothInMyKecks · 06/10/2011 18:20

Right - just had a quick flick through, but can't answer properly now.

Back v soon hopefully.

OP posts:
AWimbaWay · 06/10/2011 18:20

This is tricky. I agree it is appalling behaviour if it was indeed a collective decision not to attend and incredibly rude not to respond to the invite.

However, this year I have decided to only accept party invites from those children my dcs actually play with. Last year was ridiculous, every weekend was booked up with parties so we were never free to visit family and friends or just do family stuff, it was also bloody expensive. I didn't want to offend anybody so said yes to everyone.

I'm now worried if I turn down some this year the poor child could end up in this situation.

Original poster
MothInMyKecks · 06/10/2011 18:21

At a quick count, at least 15 could have gone. At least.

OP posts:
grumplestilskin · 06/10/2011 18:22

AWW presumably you let the parents know if you're not going to some, as opposed to just not turning up

AWimbaWay · 06/10/2011 18:30

I have 2 school age dcs, there are about 60 children in a year, that's potentially 120 party invites, there are only 52 weekends in a year. I do think it is terrible that they didn't inform the parent they wouldn't be attending, but I can't really blame parents for turning down an invite to the party of a child their child doesn't play with. It is an all-round tricky and potentially sad situation. This year I'm not doing parties for my dcs, they will be inviting one or two friends for a trip to the cinema or something.

Flamingredhead · 06/10/2011 18:32

awimbaway .Can understand when dc are older and often as dc get older the whole class party thing stops anywya .But at 5 that every child was busy Sad

Bonsoir · 06/10/2011 18:32

A party invitation is not a summons.

JamieComeHome · 06/10/2011 18:35

no, that is true, if irrelevant

grumplestilskin · 06/10/2011 18:37

AWW in the case posted by the OP people were clearly expected, i.e. they did not make their excuses. The child waited for the other children and the mother prepared food/spend money!

It is so cruel that these parents didn't even think this child deserved a RSVP. NOT the same thing as what you are saying which is not unreasonable! noones saying that every child has to go to every party their invited to, heck I don't go to every wedding I'm invited to, but I ALWAYS RSVP and send a card etc. That this child wasn't even worth a text or note is so so so horrible!