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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel resentment over cliquey parents at school

421 replies

MothInMyKecks · 06/10/2011 17:39

Just left a kiddie's party, 4-5, where my little one was the only one to turn up. Angry, and he had a broken wrist so couldn't exactly join in on the bouncy castle. Birthday boy is 5 today and his little face broke my heart. He bounced madly for the best part of half the party whilst me and his Mum made small talk.

I know, I just fucking know that the clique of parents in this class made a decision to not go, because the child is a bit messy, doesn't speak (elective mute), his mother is a bit of a loner, he has no Dad, they're a bit skint. FFS, it was a party and no other kid turned up. I know some parents had to work etc, but I know this class and their parents and many fuckers decided to not go because he's not in the clique. Twating parents. If they could only have seen his face. I never imagined a 5 year old could be humiliated, but I saw it written all over his little face.

And his mother is brassick, totally skint, yet she'd paid out good money to pay for this. Table was laden with food and no fucker turned up.

Sorry - no doubt will get a flaming by some, but I don't feel the need to don a flame proof coat or hat because I'm boiling with anger already Sad

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 06/10/2011 18:00

Bonsoir. You sound so unempathic. Can you not see that 5 year old's parties are all about making friends? Also, children of this age are often very happy to go to a party, anyone's party - it beggars belief that every single child in that class made an individual decision not to go. No - bitchy mothers were involved in the decision-making.

pigletmania · 06/10/2011 18:00

something Hmm has gone on

wordfactory · 06/10/2011 18:01

No you don't have attend anything in life, but you gracefully decline surely?

Roseflower · 06/10/2011 18:01

For goodness sake Bonsoir- fine, we all have the odd party our dc dont want/ can't attend - but the difference is encourging other people not to go too as part of some power trip. How sick is that?

If the mother is getting treated like crap for being skint and single then she have all the social skills in the world but it won't make much difference if the clique decides until she is rich and married she is not welcome.

NatashaBee · 06/10/2011 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Georgimama · 06/10/2011 18:01

My DS would go to any birthday party going frankly. He was affronted that he hadn't been invited to a party DN was going to, even though they go to different schools and DS didn't even know the birthday boy's name, let alone ever met him.

pengymum · 06/10/2011 18:02

that is plain RUDE and mean! I can understand if they don't want to go, that is their choice but they should have RSVP'd to say they couldn't come.

If anyone in my family had agreed to go to a party, I insist on their attending unless they are ill. In which case, I would phone and apologise but still send a present and card.

My DD was invited to a classmate's party recently and again no-one else turned up. This was a 10th birthday party and poor child was devastated. I didn't realise until afterwards as I just dropped my DD and her friend (who we had given a lift to) outside and was a bit late picking up, so just thought that everyone else had left until the girls told me no, it was because no-one else had turned up!
I can't understand people who do this! It doesn't take much to pick up a phone FGS! Or text if you are too chicken and don't want to speak to parent.
At least then, the parents can invite others/arrange something else for the birthday child and not waste money. I am fuming too! Angry
Poor mite! Sad
YANBU

JamieComeHome · 06/10/2011 18:02

true Georgimama

Bonsoir · 06/10/2011 18:02

If the children don't like the child, they won't want to go to the party. It's very straightforward.

There is one child in my DD's class and I bet hardly any child would show up at her party. That is sad, but true.

gethelp · 06/10/2011 18:02

Actually I think it is very much the schools business, bullying like this has an impact on learning and social interaction.

CupOfBrownJoy · 06/10/2011 18:02

The parents' attitudes are directly affecting their OWN children adversely too, who have missed out on a fun afternoon and a new friend.

How utterly heartless and horrible for all the children concerned (but especially the poor party-giver Sad)

wordfactory · 06/10/2011 18:03

Mine too georgie.

A party's a party is a party. Cake, games, children squealing. What's not to like?

pigletmania · 06/10/2011 18:03

Very Sad and pathetic that the mums are not able to think for themselves, and have to be led like sheep. School playground mentality extended to adulthood, geese some people never grow up.

Bonsoir · 06/10/2011 18:03

"shunning" and "bullying" are not synonymous.

RIZZ0 · 06/10/2011 18:03

Un-fucking-believable.

What heartless bitches.

CupOfBrownJoy · 06/10/2011 18:03

Bonsoir there is no suggestion that the other children don't like the birthday boy.

I bet they didn't even know the party was happening!

meditrina · 06/10/2011 18:03

BTW - my post applies ONLY if you are very sure of your ground (as stated in OP) that there were mothers acting deliberately in doing this.

Had their children just not wanted to go, then a simple "regrets cannot attend" when they RSVP would suffice. A deliberate mass no show (which is how I interpreted OP) is just revolting.

Flamingredhead · 06/10/2011 18:03

wow what happened to compassion bonsoir did you have a bypass .This is a 5 year old little boy

And sadly this is the reason why ds3 does not have a party as such we do a family thing . as I hate to listen to the exscuses .of why everyone can not make it

TipOfTheSlung · 06/10/2011 18:04

Did the parentss RSVP yes then not turn up. I'm a little confused. Or did they just not RSVP?

HappyDoll · 06/10/2011 18:04

I heard a convo in the playround this week where a mum was encouraging another mum to change to day of her party, so that the children could all have an excuse not to attend the party of the poor, sn kid.

Fucking outrageous.

Cliques in playgrounds are mostly bitches and they are teaching their children that thats ok. Shameful. They'll be the first to cry when their little Johnny is no longer invited because he is, in fact, an arrogant little prick.

Georgimama · 06/10/2011 18:04

Bonsoir you have fessed up in the past to being contrary to the tone of a thread to amuse yourself. That is clearly what you are doing now. Your daughter is, I forget - 7? 8? These children have known the birthday boy for about three weeks.

Bonsoir · 06/10/2011 18:04

I don't think children should be showing up at a birthday party through compassion.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 06/10/2011 18:05

I never ever spoke to any of them again. (I don't think they even cared.)

And we moved halfway across the country a year or so later.

I still hate them all.

I feel so bad for the woman the OP is talking about. I remember so clearly how much it hurt. Looking at your child and feeling the utter, utter rejection of them. Looking at all the food and drink. That feeling at the time the party was supposed to start, looking at the clock...

I could cry now just thinking of it.

I can feel everything that woman is feeling right now. I can feel her hurt and anger.

Some people are total bastards. They don't give a shit about how their actions hurt others.

It's not hard to say you're not going.

Many of them that did it to me - actually said they WERE coming.

I feel so sorry for this poor woman and her child.

MrsHerculePoirot · 06/10/2011 18:05

Presumably Bonsoir you at least have the curtesy to RSVP saying your DD won't be attending in the first place?

How horrible for the child, I definitely think you should say something to the school/or other parents if you can.

LizzieBusy · 06/10/2011 18:05

bonsoir you cannot force a friendship but at 4/5 I would be forcing good manners. Its just mean to take that attitude. Some children are not as naturally popular than others and parents should encourage their children to be at least kind to the underdog, its good manners and kindness as much as anything else. I know that when children get older its a different story but still, that poor mum and boy

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