Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you send your kid to a bday party without a present?

155 replies

whatever17 · 05/10/2011 18:30

If it was a v v v close friend I might say "I know it's not your DCs bday till whenever - is it OK if I drop his present in on the day?"

If it's a bday party I would send my kid with £10 in a card (aged 12). Or £5 in a card. But not nothing. Even if they turned up with a Mars Bar I wouldn't think anything.

I recently had a bday party (which cost about £45 per kid) for my DS and 2 kids from the same family turned up with nothing and said "Mum will drop his present round tmw" I said "how lovely to see you! Come in!" One of the kids from the same family same to DCs party last year empty handed.

TBH I would rather they turned up as they are good mates. I know their financial circumstances aren't great, but nor are mine. I also know that they eat out a lot and do an expensive hobby (which I won't name) at least twice a month.

I just wouldn't have the brass neck to send my kid with nothing.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 05/10/2011 18:34

£45 a child - you sound deranged :)

twinklytroll · 05/10/2011 18:35

If they were good friends and I could not afford a gift, yes I would . It would not bother me in the slightest if someone came to dd's party with no gift.

Your choice to spend £45 so irrelevant.

TidyDancer · 05/10/2011 18:35

YABU.

It's fine to drop presents in on the actual birthday.

IneedAbetterNickname · 05/10/2011 18:36

I've sent my kids with only a card, felt awful about it, but was totally skint, and figured the child was rather they were there. However I did apologise many times to parent

yousankmybattleship · 05/10/2011 18:36

£45 per child? Are you insane?
sorry, can't focus on rest of question......Shock

Thingumy · 05/10/2011 18:37

Yes, if skint.

You shouldn't expect presents.

I've been brought up thinking that a thoughtful card is far nicer than some crap grabbed off a shelf without thought.

TidyDancer · 05/10/2011 18:37

Yeah, that cost is insane. Finding is hard to understand how anyone whose financial circumstances aren't great could find the money to do that!

worraliberty · 05/10/2011 18:37

YABU

How would your child feel if no-one turned up to his party because all the parents were skint?

MrsVidic · 05/10/2011 18:37

What was the party (just being nosey)
Yanbu

kblu · 05/10/2011 18:38

I would be embarrassed to send my child to a party without a gift to be honest. Even if I was really skint, i'd at least wrap up some sweets or something.

tabulahrasa · 05/10/2011 18:38

£45? What on earth costs that much?

fedupofnamechanging · 05/10/2011 18:38

I think it is rude to turn up to a child's party with no gift, unless as you say, they are good friends and will drop one in on the actual birthday.

heggertyhaggerty · 05/10/2011 18:38

Well, did anyone drop it round? Or was that the last you heard?

Original poster
whatever17 · 05/10/2011 18:40

He didn't have a party for 4 years in a row so when he finally made enough friends for a party I was happy to do it.

Nickname - a card would have been fine. I think it was the "conjob" that annoyed me. "Mum will bring the present tmw" - why not say nothing? Or a chocolate bar - or a drawing? It's not the cash.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 05/10/2011 18:40

YABU
I wouldn't, but I wouldn't take offence if others did.
Shock @ £45 per child and then moaning about it

bakeyouhappy · 05/10/2011 18:41

Your financial circumstances sound great...
You can't have expectations. When you do, you will always have something to be upset about.
No, I would never send a kid wo a present.

bakeyouhappy · 05/10/2011 18:41

Your financial circumstances sound great...
You can't have expectations. When you do, you will always have something to be upset about.
No, I would never send a kid wo a present.

gordyslovesheep · 05/10/2011 18:42

sorry - yes I know my initiall respons was harsh but I was also stuck on the whole £45 !!!!! A CHILD/?????? thing Grin

anyway - yes i think YABU - you seem a leeeeetle obsessed with your friends income and expenditure - was your child even bothered?

worraliberty · 05/10/2011 18:42

A drawing?

Didn't you say they're 12yrs old?

I wouldn't send my kids with nothing and fortunately I've never been in the position where I've been to skint to put a couple of pound in a card.

However, if I had a party for my DS and someone came empty handed, I wouldn't think anything of it.

wineandroses · 05/10/2011 18:42

No, I wouldn't as I would feel tight and my DD would feel embarrassed to turn up without a gift. Do those children have parties and invite your DS? Next time they do, perhaps you might want to consider getting a gift that isn't too expensive - then your child isn't embarrassed, their child still gets a gift (and obviously we don't give to receive blah-de-blah), but you don't feel like the cheeky parents are taking you for a mug (or not a big mug, anyway!).

HeadfirstForHocusPocus · 05/10/2011 18:44

I've organised lots of childrens parties over the years and there have always been lots of children who don't give a present. It's never bothered us one bit, we don't invite to receive- that's just tacky.

I would however be very upset to find that one of my dcs friends hadn't come to a party as they couldn't afford a gift.

ChitChattingWithKids · 05/10/2011 18:44

I have almost been that mum who had a dreadful week, and wasn't able to make my planned shopping expedition because DS2 was ill and had to go to the GP. I ran around like a blue arsed fly trying to find something appropriate at the last minute. I would much rather have bought something the next day and dropped it off.

PenguinPatter · 05/10/2011 18:45

Have once - invite stipulated no presents plus had crap poem about how just being there would be enough but if we wanted we could contribute via a website for special gift.

We were a bit Hmm about the whole idea - and never quite decided what we were going to do so in end send DC with just a card.

When I've hosted parties never really been bothered if one or two turned up without anything - just that people came and DCs had fun. Though think there might have been tears if no-one bought them presents as they've picked up idea that is what is done - try very hard not to expect them.

heggertyhaggerty · 05/10/2011 18:45

Conjob? Hmm

That's horrible and YSABU for using that alone.

Perhaps the mother fully intended to get a gift but her circumstances didn't allow it, or she was busy, genuinely busy and forgot entirely. Perhaps she was too embarrassed when she realised that actually she really couldn't afford it, and thought maybe they had got away without having to painfully explain this so it was best forgotten.

Or perhaps they thought, yay, a free party, we'll cadge our way in Hmm

last being unlikely
How uncharitable to even think that.

HeadfirstForHocusPocus · 05/10/2011 18:45

I also need to know more about what you get for a £45 per head childrens party...

Swipe left for the next trending thread