Would you send your kid to a bday party without a present?

[whatever17]

If it was a v v v close friend I might say "I know it's not your DCs bday till whenever - is it OK if I drop his present in on the day?"

If it's a bday party I would send my kid with £10 in a card (aged 12). Or £5 in a card. But not nothing. Even if they turned up with a Mars Bar I wouldn't think anything.

I recently had a bday party (which cost about £45 per kid) for my DS and 2 kids from the same family turned up with nothing and said "Mum will drop his present round tmw" I said "how lovely to see you! Come in!" One of the kids from the same family same to DCs party last year empty handed.

TBH I would rather they turned up as they are good mates. I know their financial circumstances aren't great, but nor are mine. I also know that they eat out a lot and do an expensive hobby (which I won't name) at least twice a month.

I just wouldn't have the brass neck to send my kid with nothing.

No - no one dropped anything round. I honestly wouldnt have cared if it was a home made card and a banana - I just think empty handed is weird. My DC didnt notice.

I think it ought to be fine to send your children to a party without a present. Because actually it is the company of the child who is important, not the gimme gimme gift thing. But somehow it isn't acceptable - I wouldn't do it because it would be embarrassing. In fact I have declined invitations to parties simply because I couldn't afford to buy gifts for the birthday children.

I can however understand the parent sending the children and getting them to make the excuse. Maybe she meant to get a present later and just wasn't able to.

A party bag with gold plated tat I reckon HeadFirst

paintballing! Bloody expensive. 7 kids, inc mine.

I MUST know what kiddy party is £45 a head??!

I know parents who don't always bother. I always bother as it's a personal standard. I am crap in other ways so knowing I at least do the present and card thing is reassurance for myself.

Some don't bother not out of poverty (quite the opposite) but I think just arrogance...sort of 'everyone likes us anyway, we're too busy, we're still friends' thing.

That annoys me.

Ah x -posted!
Paintballing eh?

I think it's fine to drop prezzie in on the day.

Well I would always try to get something, even if it was small - but you say " My DC didnt notice." Well then it doesn't matter then does it. You don't invite people round just to get presents....

Paintballing? Wow, I didn't realise it was so expensive! Do you get a whole day for that?

OK - I just thought it was a pride thing. As I said, My DC didn't even notice. I felt sorry for their kids turning up and explaining. And it was a conjob - as she did the same last year.

Plus, I saved up for months and my DC was so desperate to have that particular party that he agreed to a tiny (money) present from me to recompense.

Why not bill them for the paintballing?

Well look just don't invite them next year. and stop saying 'conjob', it's horrid.

my kids would never go empty handed, but i hate buying for them - what to get?? parties now are very extravagant and there is a lot of pressure on to give great going home gifts to guests too - what was wrong with pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey and a slice of birthday cake and a balloon!!??

drip drip

paintballing is £25.99 per kid for a whole day but that only gives them 300 paintballs. Each kid uses far, far more than that so I budgeted to make sure they had a great time. I asked my ex-DH and his partner to join us as that would make my DC super happy. But they didn't financially help either. ex-DH didn't get DS a present too, said the petrol he used was his present.

I don't get where the price of the party you chose to have, comes into this?

I had the opposite - mum who didn't want her 6 yr old to be given any presents. Caused great controversy. Nobody (except her presumably) wanted him to have a birthday party without any presents, since he had been to lots of birthday parties, with presents, and knew very well that's what other children got. I certainly saw some presents. We got him a book since he was an excellent reader and put it unwrapped in the card envelope, it was the best compromise I could think of.
So no, I couldn't send my DC to a party without a present. Even when asked apparently.

what does drip drip mean?

My little one just had a party, 3 of the 12 invited didn't bring a pressie. I don't give a monkeys, less toys in the house= less for me to clear up. The only thing I can say is one of the kids who turned up empty handed (no card either) quite clearly felt a bit akward, saying his mum would bring something later (never did)
When doing thank you notes, again a bit tricky, one child asked where his note was, Difficult as you can't give a note of thanks for no gift.

Last year I organised an adventure day for my DS (11 yo) it was £100 for 4 boys but in the end only 3 could come so that was £33 per boy + food/cake etc.

I think it's more unfair to the child if there is no present rather than the parents' worry. It's the parents choice how much they spend but surely the Birthday child has the right to expect a gift.

I'd be pi**ed off for that reason alone.

Maybe she just couldn't afford anything?

It means there is a drip feed of relevant info on the thread leading to a lot of people trying to judge the unreasonableness without this and everyone having to start all over again once it's been established.

For instance the fact it's the second year it's happened.

Why don't you sell tickets next year?

It's honestly not the monetary thing. The 2 of them could have turned up with a Mars Bar between them and a homemade card - or even no card, or no Mars Bar. But neither?

I think it's rude, and embarrassing for their own kids.