Name changed as this post has horrified me. I genuinely had no idea that anyone would think it selfish to have a baby at 45 in todays age or that it is that rare. I presume that this view does not apply to men being fathers!!
I had my third child 2 years ago aged 45. I got pregnant at my first attempt whilst still breastfeeding her sibling. Did the same with my second so have basically been constantly breastfeeding or pregnant since my first at age 40.
My mother and maternal grandmother and aunts had all got pregnant at first attempts and whilst I did not expect the same at over 40 I have been advised that female fertility is genetic. They have all lived well into their 90?s too.
I had no problems in any pregnancy, have never miscarried and all babies have been very fit and healthy, 10 on agpar scale. My risk at private nuchal fold tests were better than than 1 in 1000 for all 3 and despite this we also chose to pay for private CVS at 12 weeks for the third. All my NHS treatment was standard and not considered high risk for age (hence the private tests) and no one ever mentioned anything to me about it being unusual so I had no idea everyone thinks it is so rare and difficult to have healthy children in your 40s. Obviously I was aware that you should not delay motherhood deliberately without being aware of the reduced fertility but appreciate that people may want to wait for the right partner.
I genuinely thought I was so lucky that our great family house was mortgage free plus regular income coming in from an established business so I could be SAHM with cleaner, gardener etc so all my time could be spent with my children. I have loved every day without financial pressures or the conflicts of having to keep a career going as I need never return to paid employment. Have never found it tiring compared to my previous working life so far. Had no idea people could be judging me as being selfish and am really shocked that if I tell people in the future that I am 60 with a 15 year old child they will think it is unreasonable and unfair on the child. I am sure I will have more energy to cope with teenagers at this age than mums 10 years younger who have to juggle a full time job and caring for the house.
Plus all teenagers have the potential to be embarrassed by their parents for whatever reason if they are different to their friends parents (too rich/poor/young/old/dressing inappropriately/too fat). I went to one of the top schools in the country and my parents were younger than the others and I was the only one dressed from jumble sales without the money for trips etc but was bought up with the confidence and self esteem to have no embarrassment. Had I been to a different school my parents might have been the norm anyway. Not sure why it is is anyone elses place to judge as in the main we will be the ones coping and taking full financial responsibility unlike a higher proportion of the mothers having children in their late teens at the most fertile age.
Guess I have just been totally oblivious to it all unless it is different in some areas of the country as less than 10 percent of mothers I have met have had children aged under 30 or perhaps people are unaware of my age. Personally I feel very lucky and feel sorry for those who would chose to be a SAHM but cant for financial reasons or will be having to work until 68 in the future once they have raised their families and juggled childcare to retain a career.