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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a baby at 45?

606 replies

Hope88 · 05/10/2011 14:53

I am thinking about having another child. But I would like to have a bigger gap between children which means I would be getting near 45. If it all goes well. Do you think it's selfish to have a child at 45? I just think I would be a better mother if I wait opposed to rushing into it and being really stressed out. Your thoughts please.

OP posts:

kenobi · 07/10/2011 13:54

mummylin - if you haven't already read it, there's a fascinating feature in the New Yorker about becoming parents in your 50s. Can't find the url at this mo, but I linked to it up-thread.

mummylin2495 · 07/10/2011 14:07

diyvspse i had more than a panic attack when i was first told ! But as i have said ,they are delighted and they are on the way so all the family are happy to go with that,My mum is so busy knitting already,i am waiting a while.I have already been offered a months holiday to the town they live in We know already that one baby is smaller than the other and that they are not identical.kenobi i will look that up,thanks.

AnyF · 07/10/2011 14:16

flippin' 'eck, mummylin, was it a natural conception ?

twins would have killed me at age 20, or age 50 (as lovely as they are)

StephA · 07/10/2011 14:17

I've just had my first at 41, and it's been great, no problems, and compared to the younger first time mums in my nct group I'm much less stressed out, and my baby is def more relaxed. The medical industry treated my pregnancy as High Risk from the beginning, though, and I had to fight them all along about that.
However: as others have said, you might be unpleasantly surprised to find that conception will be hard at 45. If you are sure about waiting, do get some eggs harvested and frozen, or perhaps even freeze some embryos? Yes it will be expensive, but so will the IVF you might need at 45, and this way your eggs/embryos will be more likely to be viable and healthy.

HarriedWithChildren · 07/10/2011 14:34

What a pity there is always occasion for a scrap in every mild querying. It's like Jeremy Vyle on here sometimes.

Are you actually there OP btw, haven't read whole thing but can't see you?

I see that the Saturday Times mag is carrying an article on motherhood at 45 this weekend. A journalist reading this would have plenty of interesting insights on the subject.

Twins at 50, my word!

As others have said, better to do it in your own time but we've decided to get on with it and have been trying for #4 since Jan. After 2 MC, poss due to age who knows, we may have struck 3rd time lucky, everything crossed. I'm 40.
Also, I prefer to do the small child phase all in one go so that we can all move on together to older child family life. I don't think i'd have the courage to do it again after a big gap.

mummylin2495 · 07/10/2011 14:36

Yes AF was natural ,she actually had a miscarriage at the beginning of this year as well.That was not a planned pregnancy.This one is.Her Dh is 22 yrs younger.I do worry about it though.I actually posted about it a few weeks ago with some of the concerns i have about the whole thing.Incidently her dh is an only child which did cause friction with his parents when he got together with my sister and when they married ,his dad in particular was not at all nice to her.Now these babies are coming his dad has come round to the idea ,they are together ,they are married and having twins ! I have to say my sis does not look her age but of course her body is.Now if i dont hear back when i have text her ,i am scared that something has gone wrong and she is in hospital.Roll on Feb when they arrive ,although i expect they will prob be born before the expected date and it will be a c section,this has already been discussed.I am making a diary for her so she is going to send me all the scan pics.I have two already! ps he is a ginger redhead too !

AnyF · 07/10/2011 14:44

Aww, mummylin, you sound so excited (and more than a bit nervous... )

I hope all goes well for your sister. There is much more of a chance that it will do than it won't and I am sure her team will be looking after her very well.

mummylin2495 · 07/10/2011 14:45

There actually is a photo taken on my sis wedding day on my profile.I cant imagine how she will be able to get around in a couple of months,she is only 5ft 2 and slim like me.We are going to have a sheet for all of the family to guess weights ,sexes etc,but will do that nearer the time,of course i will have an advantage as i will have the scans but i wont know the sexes of them. Boy / girl would be great for them. Her dh wants to know but my sis dosent.

AnyF · 07/10/2011 14:46

I can't get on your profile at the mo (am at work) but will have a nosy later

PrincessTamTam · 07/10/2011 14:47

Harried - I got a horrible shock when got accidentally pregnant with my 4th 8 yrs after my 3rd and didn't think I would be able to cope at all.

However I have to say that although physically for me it has been harder, everything else is so much easier. I have built in babysitters who are fantastic with the little one and as an antidote to orrible teen behaviour he is a godsend. If they come home snarling and slamming doors they just can't keep it up with a 3 yr old running towards them with outstretched arms... it makes me chuckle every time. There is an upside after all! .

Proudnreallyveryscary · 07/10/2011 14:47

Why do the idiotic posters always use multiple exclaimation marks and 'lol'...

mummylin2495 · 07/10/2011 14:50

I am nervous AF,i am very scared for her that something is going to go wrong ,she had a horrendous birth with her her son,hence why it must be a c section this time ,but my sis has been through a bad time mentally and i have spoken about her on many threads and im so worried that things will go wrong and she will go back to how she was.Her life has been so happy for the last 4 yrs.So yes i will be very relieved when babies are safely here and my sis is ok.

PrincessTamTam · 07/10/2011 14:52

mummylin - your sis sounds v cool and you sound so excited. Its fantastic for her you are all so onside, and I'm sure her twins will be doted on no matter what. Hope all goes well for her, it sounds like she's being well taken care of so I'm sure it will.

MamaMaiasaura · 07/10/2011 14:52

PrincessTamTam love it.I've got a 11 year old and 3 year old and it's delightful seeing them interact, expecting number 3 anyday so ds1 will be 14/15 when dc3 is 3 years.

MamaMaiasaura · 07/10/2011 14:54

Proudnreallyveryscary - I used lol and I'm not idiotic

kenobi · 07/10/2011 14:54

The pic is tiny so I couldn't really tell, but yes would have guessed 30s!

How amazing mummylin, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you all. I found the link btw, it's here: nymag.com/news/features/mothers-over-50-2011-10/

All very positive stuff though the lady's plastic surgery at the end is... ummm...

Aislingorla · 07/10/2011 14:55

Proud, em...my use of LOL and ex. marks is being ironic!
Why do idiotic posters encourage me back on this thread when I had gone quiet? LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mummylin2495 · 07/10/2011 14:59

Its all very odd , their babies will be cousins of my own adult children who both have children of their own.And i will be an aunty to the new babies and all my nephews who also have children.It all sounds very complicated when i think about it all,so i wont and will go and start preparing dinner ready for my students when they come in.

PrincessTamTam · 07/10/2011 15:05

Awen - congratulations! I reckon the older ones will make great parents themselves one day. Mine are all boys and when he was a tiny newborn it was just amazing to me how gentle and natural they were with him. I remember sitting upstairs feeding and crying as I was so tired and had baby blues, my oldest came and just said very calmly "shall i take him for you?" he lifted him onto his shoulder and took him off quietly. I couldn't believe how lucky I was and went to bed for a sleep. My oldest was 15 at the time. You are in for a lovely time. .

MamaMaiasaura · 07/10/2011 15:15

princessTamTam it's going tone fantastic. My eldest is already amazing with ds2. He means the world to him. He's very excited about having another brother or a sister x

MamaMaiasaura · 07/10/2011 15:15

Gah - to be not tone

kenobi · 07/10/2011 15:20

to be honest aisling, unless 'idiotic posters' are actually sitting in your house with a gun, no-one is making you post, or even encouraging you. You do have free will, you know.

I think it'll be brilliant for your kids mummylin - your sis will have more help than she knows what to do with! I'm going to be keeping an eye out for your posts now

Aislingorla · 07/10/2011 15:25

Did I say 'making' kenobi? Encouraging was the word I used.
So, why are you addressing me? Ignore me and I'll go away.

kenobi · 07/10/2011 15:31

Please reread my post more carefully.

I'm not pulling your strings, I was merely pointing out the thread has moved on somewhat. It is up to you with your free will, not me, if you wish to respond.

Though you're right, it was foolish of me to feed the troll.

PrincessTamTam · 07/10/2011 15:34

Awen - lucky you! Hope its a brother, I love boys! - I'm sure girls are lovely too but I wouldn't know - got that in before I accidentally start another bunfight Good luck and will raise a glass to you. ...ok maybe a tad early... then.

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