Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a baby at 45?

606 replies

Hope88 · 05/10/2011 14:53

I am thinking about having another child. But I would like to have a bigger gap between children which means I would be getting near 45. If it all goes well. Do you think it's selfish to have a child at 45? I just think I would be a better mother if I wait opposed to rushing into it and being really stressed out. Your thoughts please.

OP posts:
Aislingorla · 07/10/2011 15:38

Yes, but the thread had moved and I was being quiet until you addressed me. So, hush now,go away and talk to the other posters!

MamaMaiasaura · 07/10/2011 16:07

Dh hopes it's a boy as we have all the clothes Wink ever practical. Ds2 wants it to be baby Jake (thanks cbeebies) and ds1 doesn't mind (neither do I, not even got name sorted yet).

HarriedWithChildren · 07/10/2011 16:55

Princess TT, that does sound like a lovely set up. My eldest is 4 so while he does his best, sweet child that he is, I'm not sure he's up for any meaningful babysitting, yet!

My first pretty bra was a Pr TT, how I loved it!

PrincessTamTam · 07/10/2011 17:06

Just give him time Harried... Lovely knickers too! (Princess TT I mean!Blush)

kbend · 07/10/2011 17:11

i turned 40 last week and my dd was 2 on sat. my dh wants another 1 and i didnt but now am not sure. all (or it seems all) of the mums at toddler grp are having or just had their 2nd child. my sil just had baby too. so it makes u feel broody. im knackered all the time and its hard work but the best thing eva too. i feel bad that she will grow up as an only child but at the same time we have no money so i dont know what to do for best,,, ?

PrincessTamTam · 07/10/2011 17:21

Its a hard one kbend, you absolutely should not feel pressurised into doing it cos others around you are, you have one and that in itself is a blessing - and I know that knackered feeling! On the other hand the sibling relationship can be a fantastic thing - even when they squabble (or even hate each other!) they are learning so much all the time about relationships. You do have some time though, so don't rush your decision if you are not ready. Good luck.

kbend · 07/10/2011 17:25

thanks, i would love another one but not sure im ready my dd was born prem and we had a rough time,, not sure i could go thru that again

Floggingmolly · 07/10/2011 18:54

Aislingora. "All the oldie mums envy me". I seriously doubt it love, you sound like a prize gobshite.

mummylin2495 · 07/10/2011 19:15

kenobi her next scan is on the 20th of this month but i will be away then,but will post on this thread when i get back as then i will of heard the results.We wont be able to do a lot of babysitting etc as she lives about 4 to 5 hours away from all the rest of the family who live here in my town.

Bledkr · 07/10/2011 19:22

Im so confused about this,aislingora you keep referring to older Mums yet you are 46-older than a lot of us on the thread.The baby you had at 35 will i presume now b e 11 which means that you are in medical terms an "elderly multigravida" and your child will be a teen when you are in your 50's which was one of the things you said was a downside.Please explain cos it makes no sense.
I am an oldie Mum and i would never find myself envying a 46 yr old.

Aislingorla · 07/10/2011 20:13

That was a wind up Flog, Jays! I don't know or care whether you or the other oldies envy me or not .

Yes, (sigh) Bled, it has been pointed out before...I am referring to people having their FIRST in their forties.I had my first at 27 and last at 35 which happens to be the average age for first time mothers in my area.
The very fact that my posts have caused you to respond show how you are, perhaps, not exactly happy with your own late motherhood decision! And no, I am not remotely interested in your details (as you seen to be in mine.)

BridgetBust · 07/10/2011 20:43

Don't feel sorry for onlies - my DD wouldn't want your sympathy (or siblings!), she's a very contented little girl Smile

Floggingmolly · 07/10/2011 20:50

I'm not actually one of the oldies...

cory · 07/10/2011 20:59

I'm glad noone told my SIL that it was all gloom and doom having your first child in your mid-40s: 14 years later, she looks a good deal fitter than me (despite well over a decade's age difference) and dn seem a very happy boy.

Of course there are risks around the actual pregnancy, but once the child is born and growing up there is nothing to say you have to act like a geriatric just because you're approaching 60.

brdgrl · 07/10/2011 21:13

My DH is 54, with the two teens and a one-year-old. The teenagers' friends all tell our kids they're very lucky, because DH treats them and their friends with respect, and talks to them as though they are intelligent human beings. Does he embarrass them sometimes? Of course. What dad doesn't? But that's mostly because he tells corny jokes and overshares, and I'm sure he did the same at 25. He also spends loads of time with them, and really talks to them.

With the baby, he does everything my younger BILs do, and then some. Changes diapers, gives baths, feeds, gets down on the floor and plays with her, reads stories, dances with her, takes her on long walks with the dog...We are very fortunate because our work schedules mean one of us is always at home with her, and she gets plenty of active play. I'm not worried about her having an older dad (or an older mum!). He's awesome.

Helltotheno · 07/10/2011 21:45

He sounds like a good 'un brdgrl :)

Yellowstone · 07/10/2011 22:17

You backtracking again Aisling? You referred to me disparagingly as an older mother several times and I had my eighth, not my first, in my (early) forties.

Still, glad to see you're contrite.

fifitot · 07/10/2011 22:19

Had one at 43 and one at 47. I will be old when they are teens and yes I am knackered these days but I have nothing to compare it with so would probably have been knackered if had them in my 30s anyway.

Older mothers have always existed.

choccyp1g · 07/10/2011 22:20

Notice the OP hasn't been back; presume she is busy writing the article for next weekend's papers.

Aislingorla · 07/10/2011 22:47

How or where am I contrite Yellow?
A lot of what I posted was tounge in cheek and posted to get a rise (especially easy with you). I have never felt or said sorry for anything I have written on this thread.
Also, I don't know or care how old you are Yellow.

allagory · 07/10/2011 23:20

You say you're not sorry. But we know you are. Our ancient maternal wisdom tells us so. Let's give you a big to our collective matronly breast.

Yellowstone · 07/10/2011 23:26

You haven't got a single rise out of me Aisling, I'm still completely unmoved.

You've now claimed several times to several posters that you don't care about their age so what made you care enough about the age of those Birmingham parents to prompt your sneers?

cerealqueen · 07/10/2011 23:54

OP, I had my first T 40, now 43 and due in three weeks. I can't actually believe I am 43, don't know were the time went, so in my head, I'm young. In my body though, I am very tired with this pregnancy, more so than the first but then I have a toddler to run about after. Like others, I think being older makes you more of a chilled out parent, more so then the rest of my NCT group, who seem to be embroiled in some form of competitive parenting! I'm too tired to get into all that..... Grin.

It did take a while to conceive DC2 (one MC and chemical pregnancies, took a while to get a stayer) so I'd not plan it if I were you, just go for it and hope it happens. The ovaries can allegedly have a last hurrah so you may be blessed with twins as my mum was....just a word of caution!

I am the child of an older mother.....I will be the exact same age as my mum as she was when she had me and my brother. No parents living now, on either side so we have no help but are used to having no help. We are at an age where we see friend's parents beginning to need more support so are in a way fortunate that we don't have elderly parents and young children dependent on us.

Is it selfish? I don't think so, if you can provide a happy loving home and a sibling to current DCs, (I am one of five so wanted DD to have a sibling and shared childhood memories). I think you may regret what you don't do, rather then what you do. What does your DP/DH and other DCs think?

Bledkr · 07/10/2011 23:59

Well aisling as i had my first at 17 and my "late" one at 43 im not really a typical oldie but i think its very rude to tell me im not happy with my very new and much wanted baby that i actually managed to concieve naturally after cancer treatment,what a truly vile individula you are.I asked you a civilised question and you respond so personally i wonder if you are truly comfortable with your own decisions and life to be so poisonous.

allagory · 08/10/2011 00:16

There are lots of older mothers in our family too, cerealqueen. I have read it's quite common to see repeated patterns like this through the generations.

I am lucky to still have plenty of help from grandparents. Being nearly 80 doesn't stop my Mum helping out with the baby. She loves it and does a great job.

It seems silly to suggest that children suffer in any way from having older parents: they know no alternative. Having an older mother is their only experience (as is mine)!