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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A relative pinched my 14 month old baby on her face

532 replies

Snickers25 · 04/10/2011 22:20

My partners sister pinched our baby on the face, causing a bruise that lasted 10 days. I saw the aunt pinch my daughter just as I walked past the room. I assume my baby might have pinched her first (but that's no excuse as the aunt is 43 and my daughter is only 14 months old). My baby daughter screamed in pain and sobbed for several minutes afterwards. As soon as I saw it happen I scooped her up and removed her from the room but now I don't trust this woman with my kids. I have 3 Pre-schoolers and this aunt has moved in with us for 12-18 months!
I didn't say anything to the aunt at the time as I was too shocked and upset. I haven't mentioned it since & it was 2 months ago. I asked my partner to speak to the aunt (his sister) which he did & she seemed surprised about the deep blue bruise on baby's cheek. He apparently said that only we (parents) are to discipline the children.

My daughter also had a large cut on her top lip a few weeks before (obviously a fingernail cut from the aunt) which the aunt said was caused by baby's fingernail. She had only been with the aunt for an hour. It definitely wasn't from baby as it was too wide/thick to be from a baby's fingernail. I couldn't understand why she would lie about an accident. I wouldn't have been upset/angry about an accident! Why lie about it?

However, I don't trust her now & I sure as heck don't want my kids to have to live with her if something ever happened to me & my partner (that aunt is in our will as being guardian and I want that changed now).
Has anyone else had something similar happen? How did you handle it? Thanks for any advice.

OP posts:

Petisa · 04/10/2011 23:30

Really hope this isn't true. From detailed description of pinch and bruise (30 seconds, "deep blue bruise" etc - descriptions designed to upset the reader) I would say it isn't. Sorry I know you're not meant to call troll, but there are a lot of upset people on this thread.

FabbyChic · 04/10/2011 23:31

I'd like to know where the Op lives so I can pinch the fuck out of her SIL's face.

squeakytoy · 04/10/2011 23:31

I wish to point out that I have very strong views on a lot of issues

Pity you cant open your mouth to voice them then when it matters.. :(

freakendblue · 04/10/2011 23:33

rizzo - what if it is true? really is anyone that sick to make this up....

banana87 · 04/10/2011 23:33

Why in the hell havent YOU said anything to this woman? Why always wait and tattle tale when your husband gets home? These are YOUR very young, very vulnerable children and you are LETTING this happen by doing nothing. Shame on you.

freakendblue · 04/10/2011 23:34

fab you are ace.

Petisa · 04/10/2011 23:35

But if it is true, OP why do you care more about protecting this woman than the well-being of your baby? You're covering up for her! Who cares if she's your sil, look at what she did! Would you be ok with a stranger bruising your babies?

Shoni · 04/10/2011 23:36

Calm down risso? Are you having a laugh!!
Reporting a thread involves mn reporting it to other services!! Hello?? Child abuse isn't something anybody should be calm about

Original poster

Snickers25 · 04/10/2011 23:36

I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I can't bear the thought that people believe I am as bad as her. I've never left any of my children with anyone in their entire lives, not a childminder, not a preschool, not a nanny, no one. My 4 year old started school last week and its the first time he's been away from me. He's a confident & happy boy and ready for school. The point I wish to make is that I am not an absent mother who leaves her kids with people.
The aunt came over believing she could help give me some time out but I simply cannot leave them with her now. She did that when I was home. The only time I have left my children was overnight (while in hospital having baby Number 2, then baby Number 3. They were with my partner (Dad to all 3 of my children). I don't know what trolling is? Can someone explain?
I refer to her as "the aunt" because she's not my sister, nor a friend or a qualified childcarer. If it was my sister who had done that, I would have probably screamed at her. But she's not my sister, I've only known her 6 years & I was in shock at the time. My partner was sleeping off night shift when it happened so I woke him up immediately & told him straight away what she had done. He spoke to her a couple of days later. I'm not afraid of her, nor my partner & if that were the case I would have already left. My daughter doesn't appear frightened of her and of course I try never to leave them alone together but this is making me exhausted.

OP posts:

CarnivalBizarre · 04/10/2011 23:38

I certainly wouldn't feel bad about hurting someones feelings by telling them to sling their hook if I had witnessed them hurting my children - I might well have punched them in the throat before they had a chance to complain about it

Don't feel crap about changing your will either, can you imagine a life for your DC if you werent around and they went on to have a shitty life with a person who had no feelings for them and hurt them - bit of a cinderella story is going on in my head here

Seriously though, you need to change your wills and ask her very nicely to do one - she clearly isn't parent material

Signet2012 · 04/10/2011 23:38

In that case Snickers, you need to ask her to leave, Regardless of the whys and wherefors... she can not be trusted with your children. She can not be trusted and you will never relax with her in the house again. Ask her to leave.

troisgarcons · 04/10/2011 23:39

Im not understand what reporting the thread achieves?

FabbyChic · 04/10/2011 23:45

She does not deserve a place in your home!

She is not a good person to have around your children.

What do you owe this woman that she is allowed to remain in your house?

Are you skint and she is paying to stay at yours?

Has she loaned you money?

Why is she still living under your roof?

What is her explaination for causing grievious bodily harm to your FOURTEEN MONTH OLD CHILD.

I'm sorry but if someone man handled my child they would not have time to pack I'd pick them up and throw them out the door and they would be dead to me.

freakendblue · 04/10/2011 23:45

trois I don't know, can mumsnett report to someone? so fustrating.

RIZZ0 · 04/10/2011 23:45

Christ. I meant "calm down" because people are being over-dramatic and crying over this thread without giving the OP a chance to work it out! ANd threatening to report her a s atroll because she dares to step away from the computer for half an hour... Attacking her and demanding to know what she'll do is OTT, this is her child, she won't do nothing, she hasn't said she won't do anything about it.

Snickers, do you really want t run the risk of anything worse happening? The Aunt clearly has an irrational temper to pinch your child. If you really can't face the fallout, can you find another reason you need her room back? Although to be fair, you do have every right to ask her to go, don't be afraid to defend your child.

Original poster

Snickers25 · 04/10/2011 23:46

Thankyou RIZZO. I do need advice which is why I have posted this. Message to Petisa. I took a photograph of my daughters cheek (bruise) but dont feel it would be appropriate to upload onto a website. My children show no signs at all of being scared of their aunt and if they did, I would have made her leave by now. It is helpful to read comments that are supportive (that I am not over-reacting by planning to remove her from my will, nor leave her unattended with my children). It is extremely upsetting to be accused of making this up, or being a negligent mother.

OP posts:

RIZZ0 · 04/10/2011 23:47

"Reporting a thread involves mn reporting it to other services!! Hello?? Child abuse isn't something anybody should be calm about"

I disagree, all sensitive issues should be approached calmly.

freakendblue · 04/10/2011 23:48

But,but op you are a negligent mother if you allow her to remain in your children's lives. I don't think you mean to be but *you are allowing this to happen.

FabbyChic · 04/10/2011 23:49

RIZZO she has had two months to do something she has done nothing whatsoever.

Not a fucking thing.

TWO MONTHS AGO SOMEONE PINCHED HER CHILDS FACE, left it bruised for ten days.

Yet this person here Snickers allows the person who done it to remain in her home.

TWO FUCKING MONTHS.

Overreacting my ass, we are parents who would never allow someone to remain under our roofs if they touched our children with a slap let alone a pinch that bruised a childs face.

Petisa · 04/10/2011 23:49

I said you were maybe a troll OP, meaning I didn't believe your story was real, and I apologise - I guess I was just upset by your description of your sil pinching your baby and really hoped it wasn't true.

RIZZ0 · 04/10/2011 23:50

Snickers, although the kids don't seem scared by her, children can 'normalise' an adults behaviour I imagine. I don't know. Your gut feeling isn't good, it's why you're here. It's not a neccessity to have her living long term in your house. Really seems best avoided.

Shoni · 04/10/2011 23:50

If she can blatantly pinch n bruise your child while your there god knows what this woman would be capable of if you were not there!?
Ok so your sil is staying with you!
Has no job!
Is no of use or help!
You can't trust her!
She hurts your kids and your the one in tears?
Grab yourself a backbone and get her out of your home!! Your child isn't frightened of her because she does not understand what she is doing is wrong stop making excuses what's the problem in getting rid of a horrible bastard of a woman who is hurting your kids full stop

lenny101 · 04/10/2011 23:50

I'm bloody glad I'm not relying on you guys in any way shape or form; I require people made of stronger, more cerebral stuff. A forum that can make mincemeat of a woman concerned about the welfare of her child in the street can then shred a woman looking for support in concerns about her child in her home. Are they both to suffer it alone rather than risk upsetting you all? Bloody hell, take a breath and get a grip.

Snickers, I'm not surprised you're exhausted but well done on taking the action of not leaving your girl alone with the aunt. I think your instinct's telling you things have to change. What are your options?

freakendblue · 04/10/2011 23:51

rizzo calms ok as long as swift action is taken. This situation could escu;ate if not resolved, I mean the abuse.

Signet2012 · 04/10/2011 23:51

I think people ar3e bound to react. Most people would probably read hurt. kids. still. there and react Snicker.

like I said, you came her for advice? Justification that your not being unreasonable by been unsure of this woman - there are four pages of hysteria telling you to get her away from your children.

i think you got what you came for - advise and justification, get rid asap.

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