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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A relative pinched my 14 month old baby on her face

532 replies

Snickers25 · 04/10/2011 22:20

My partners sister pinched our baby on the face, causing a bruise that lasted 10 days. I saw the aunt pinch my daughter just as I walked past the room. I assume my baby might have pinched her first (but that's no excuse as the aunt is 43 and my daughter is only 14 months old). My baby daughter screamed in pain and sobbed for several minutes afterwards. As soon as I saw it happen I scooped her up and removed her from the room but now I don't trust this woman with my kids. I have 3 Pre-schoolers and this aunt has moved in with us for 12-18 months!
I didn't say anything to the aunt at the time as I was too shocked and upset. I haven't mentioned it since & it was 2 months ago. I asked my partner to speak to the aunt (his sister) which he did & she seemed surprised about the deep blue bruise on baby's cheek. He apparently said that only we (parents) are to discipline the children.

My daughter also had a large cut on her top lip a few weeks before (obviously a fingernail cut from the aunt) which the aunt said was caused by baby's fingernail. She had only been with the aunt for an hour. It definitely wasn't from baby as it was too wide/thick to be from a baby's fingernail. I couldn't understand why she would lie about an accident. I wouldn't have been upset/angry about an accident! Why lie about it?

However, I don't trust her now & I sure as heck don't want my kids to have to live with her if something ever happened to me & my partner (that aunt is in our will as being guardian and I want that changed now).
Has anyone else had something similar happen? How did you handle it? Thanks for any advice.

OP posts:
onagar · 04/10/2011 23:10

obviously a fingernail cut from the aunt

obviously?

Original poster
Snickers25 · 04/10/2011 23:11

Thank you very much to all of you who have left comments so quickly. I've never been one to over-react but seeing what she did shocked me. I would never pinch my own baby, let alone someone else's baby or child. When she pinched her, she held the "pinch" for several seconds. The deep blue bruise came up within 30 seconds. It was definitely NOT a "you've got chubby cheeks, arent you cute" pinch. It was intemded to hurt her. The Aunt has never had children of her own.
The reason she arrived here with us 3 months ago is because she was made redundant from her job in Australia & decided to come to live with us "to be a real aunt & spend time with her nephews & niece" and help us out (we have no other family here to help out). I have asked my 4 year old (carefully worded) and he has no problems and says she is nice to him. My 2.5 year old doesn't seem afraid of her.
I realise that the way I react to this will have lasting consequences on family relations (it will cause great offence if I tell her to move out). Of course I would never willingly put my children in harms way and believe she loves the children but just hasn't the same consideration on what is appropriate. My partner agrees it was wrong to treat a baby like that.

In answer to someone's comment, no it is not acceptable to do that to a child. If my daughter had pinched her first, she should have said "no" and put her down gently on the floor.
I don't think the aunt is sensible at all when it comes to babies. When my eldest son (now 4) was a few days old she put her finger in my baby's mouth (acrylic nail with purple varnish on it). She was a smoker at the time, was being treated for periodontitis (gum disease), had just come inside after having a cigarette, scratched her cat and then stuck her filthy finger in my newborn baby's mouth & said "oh, look he's hungry, he's sucking my finger". I was nearly sick. Of course, I ranted & raved at my partner to say something & he said I just needed to tell her. Then her mother did it! (baby's grandmother).
I hate myself for worrying about other people's feelings and I am screaming with anger on the inside. I wish to point out that I have very strong views on a lot of issues (such as neglect, child cruelty, etc) and fully support capital punishment for certain crimes. If it came to it, I would defend my children with my life.
I agree with the comments made that I should change our will. I know that will cause arguments with my partner but my children will not be raised by her, god forbid should anything happen to me.

OP posts:
runningwilde · 04/10/2011 23:15

I was thinking the same thing fabby - that I hoped it was a troll...

Shoni - I'm inclined to agree with you, I am aghast that the op has don't nothing about this and even felt the need to ask if she wbu... I a bit worried as to why she hasn't done anything before too

I can't rest... I can't stand not knowing what is going on.

lisad123 · 04/10/2011 23:18

yes but are you going to ask her to leave?? She's chosing to do it to the youngest most inocent child. Goodness i feel sick, your poor little one. Does your DH not see that this is abusive and therefore she shouldnt be there!

RIZZ0 · 04/10/2011 23:19

Agree she should leave your house for previous actions (Poor DD). Also, why have someone you don't seem particularly close and who isn't destitute to invading you family life for such an extended period? Seems unnecessary.

Not sure why you supporting capital punishment is relevant though?! Won't go down well here I'm afraid...

freakendblue · 04/10/2011 23:19

Op - come on now, this WRONG, who gives a flying fu*ck if you offend her. S he is hurtiing a baby YOUR baby. Please act now.

runningwilde · 04/10/2011 23:20

Sorry to be blunt op but if you are truly serious about protecting your children you will get this dangerous woman out of your home asap. I just can't believe it - you are completely burying your head in the sand and you are NOT putting your children first by having her live with you. She full on pinched your baby and made her scream and you are still maoif excuses for her and worrying about what the family will think?! Seriously? What is wrong with you? What are you doing?!

RIZZ0 · 04/10/2011 23:20

destitute to

Shoni · 04/10/2011 23:21

The main issues here snickers25 is ‘has she gone yet'?????

troisgarcons · 04/10/2011 23:22

The OP hasnt come back?

Is this one of those threads?

Petisa · 04/10/2011 23:23

So when are you going to ask her to leave? What does your dp think of the pinching incident? Did you confront her at the time? Did you take your baby straight off her and not say anything? Confused

freakendblue · 04/10/2011 23:23

I have reported this. Op you seem unwilling to keep you children safe, in my book that makes you as bad or worse than the abuser. wake up before its too late. Sad

freakendblue · 04/10/2011 23:23

op has come back

runningwilde · 04/10/2011 23:24

I am going to be even more blunt becaaue you obviously are not taking this seriously enough - you are not defending your children. You have seen her abuse your poor innocent and defenceless baby, said nothing to her and let her still live around your kids. What on earth are you thinking?!

Petisa · 04/10/2011 23:24

Are you afraid of your inlaws?

FabbyChic · 04/10/2011 23:24

What are you going to do? You say you have strong views on child cruelty yet this bitch has physically abused your child.

I'd been outraged. Two months you have done nothing, two months,

You are as bad as she is.

troisgarcons · 04/10/2011 23:24

(that aunt is in our will as being guardian and I want that changed now)

Better see about that too.

FabbyChic · 04/10/2011 23:25

Runningwilde has a point. You aren't defending your children you are putting them in harms way, mothers do not do that, decent parents do not do that.

If you do nothing you have no right to call yourself a decent parent.

freakendblue · 04/10/2011 23:25

I wouldn't be afraid of anyone when it comes to defending my dcs.

Shoni · 04/10/2011 23:25

I'm actually in tears!! You beat me to it but going to report this also!! Think all of you should do the same!! Poor baby god bless!! Xxxxxxx

freakendblue · 04/10/2011 23:27

Op you are your baby's voice, there is only you who can defend her. Agree bless.xxx

MollieO · 04/10/2011 23:27

I hope this is a wind up. I cannot believe that you put your relationship with your sil above the safety and welfare of your young children. Sad

Signet2012 · 04/10/2011 23:29

OP I can appreciate that what decision you make here could have lasting implications for the family and relationships, Im guessing you posted here to see if you where being unreasonable by being worried by t. The sheer volume and intensity of posts tells you that this behaviour is unacceptable, that this person who harmed your child x2 (for what ever reason) needs to leave now.

You came for advice........ you have it. Go and get hold of her (by her hair, head, left tit, whatever) and throw her out your house. If your husband causes an issue fling him out too.

Your babies will trust you to keep them safe. You fail in that, you fail them and that damage can not be undone.

Hope you get this resolved. Quickly.

runningwilde · 04/10/2011 23:30

I actually feel sick. I am in shock and so mad at the op

RIZZ0 · 04/10/2011 23:30

Sorry, what exactly are you lot reporting? The crime you can't place or give any details on? Or the thread which the OP is still on where she's asking advice on what to do? Just because she hasn't rung the cops within one hour of being told to do so by a few people here, doesn't mean she won't do anything, calm down FFS.

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