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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that FIL has no right to ask to come and live with us....

191 replies

ohanotherone · 04/10/2011 10:21

when 15 years ago he ran off with a woman half his age, has lived abroad ever since, visited us 4 times since then, didn't bother to come to his own sons graduation, doesn't know his birthday, only calls us when he wants something, previously told DH that any inheritance etc... will go to his new family???

Now his new wife has fleeced him for every penny he has ever earnt (quite a sunstantial amount) he has called and is arriving on friday with nothing but a suitcase....

OP posts:

Stropzilla · 08/10/2011 22:52

Well done for mentioning the B&B. Please be strong and stick by it! Imagine all of us cheering you on if you have to! I believe the local council WILL house him, as long as he has ties to the area. This has to mean he was born there, or has family there. You're quite right to insist he goes to a B&B, just keep saying to yourself this is precious time with you baby you won't get back, and housing him yourself means the council won't.

QuintessentialDead · 08/10/2011 23:39

Well done. Please keep us updated!

ValiumVal · 09/10/2011 00:03

been there done that, it doesnt work! My ex ran off with the baby sitter and raised her brat until she fleeced him. After 8 years he came crawling back telling me after all its for the kids, lol right they are 19 and 17 by this time, the kids have grown up without his attention or an invite or knowledge about his wedding . Do you know what it does to a kid to have their parent leave without an explanation and come back crawling? I paid mine his share of the house and now he wanted to come back for more? I should had known better. He came, stayed, he abused us all again and left while we were all out taking the telly for his new pad. OMG dont do it you will love to regret it! Sad to have loved and lost but bad to let him cross the door! Good luck ask a scorned woman what she would do...

duckdodgers · 09/10/2011 11:19

Good luck OP - but I fear the worst sadly. Hes in your house now - even if it is with the intention of only 1 night with the idea of a B&B. What if you cant find 1? What if he starts the emotional blackmail and excuses about going? Can he pay? His feet will be under the table in no time.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/10/2011 13:43

I am hopeful that OP has not come back because she is driving FIL to the B&B.

You know, FIL seems too 'close' a term, unless the F stands for FuckedOffAbroad ...

Original poster

ohanotherone · 09/10/2011 16:29

He is now at the local B&B. I will will pick him up to go to the Housing office tomorrow!!! Huarray! Thanks everyone XXX

OP posts:

diddl · 09/10/2011 16:36

Well done OP!

I mean he´s effectively a stranger to you both!

AllGoodNamesGone · 09/10/2011 16:42

Please accept a virtual slap on the back from me, OP!

You've done exactly the right thing - he had to go at some point and much better at this stage than in six months time!

I presume he paid national insurance until he left the country which will surely entitle him to something, even if not a full pension.

Good luck tomorrow.

Miggsie · 09/10/2011 16:42

You must be relieved, and your MIL can visit her new grandchild without the fear of her ghastly exH being there.

ChippingIn · 09/10/2011 16:47

Well done!!

How has DH taken it all?

WilsonFrickett · 09/10/2011 17:21

Well done OP. I am really happy that you stood up for yourself x

Original poster

ohanotherone · 09/10/2011 18:06

DH seems relieved, he thinks same as me anyway, but obviously more difficult for him to tell his totally overbearing father the reality of things. He was very overbearing, he is about 19 stone, massive and can't do anything quietly, talked only about himself and his problems, talked over my DS when he was trying to talk to him and didn't ask me how I was or anything like that. He sneered at me suggesting he could furnish a flat from local charity shops (they have some really nice stuff and lots of people do) and staying in a B&B initially (before I went ballistic on him) he would've probably have been here is a months+ time so everyone on here was right so am very grateful for everyones posts and might have stolen a few quotes during my shoutiness eg, "you've made your bed and now you have to lie in it".

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/10/2011 21:08

"(before I went ballistic on him)"
Yaay ohanotherone!

skybluepearl · 09/10/2011 23:37

well done you - keep us updated

BranchingOut · 10/10/2011 12:50

didn't ask me how I was or anything like that

Well, hold onto that thought if you ever begin to waver.

This man is arriving as a barely announced guest in somebody's house, where the lady of the house has recently given birth and doesn't even enquire how she is?

OhCobblers · 10/10/2011 14:19

bloody hell well done OP! I've been lurking on this thread from day one and so many times was terrified that you were going to cave in.

Well done to you and your DH - your FIL sounds an utter arse by the way and you were far too nice to have even considered having him stay. I'm another one not buying the "blood is thicker blah blah" line - doesn't apply to selfish tossers whether they're related or not

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