to think other mums are shit at teaching sharing

[tifflins]

My children are no angels. My parenting is far from perfect, but I do try (really hard) to teach my 3 year old DS to share his toys, not only with friends who visit our home, but strangers in the park or whatever. He finds the whole sharing concept pretty annoying tbh but I persevere. Situation today whereby my son 'borrowed' another little boys' bucket at the splash pool. The other little boy got upset and just as I was telling my DS to give the bucket back, the little boy ran off and told his grandma that a nasty monster had 'stolen' his bucket. The grandma came over at the exact time my DS was (finally) giving back the bucket and said to me in an exasperating tone and heavy sarcastic sigh 'thank you' (as if I was colluding with my DS to steal another boys toy). The boy took his bucket back and promptly dismissed and didnt play with it. Another situation on holiday with friends showed me that my friends' sons toys belonged to him and him alone, but my DS toys were supposed to be shared with this other little boy. At no point on the holiday did she encourage her son to share his toys, despite me bending over backwards to get my DS to share. I mean, for fucks sake, whats wrong with some people?! Anybody elses thoughts on this would be great.

x-posted.

Er, and the "old mumsnetters" have every right to disagree if they wish. The only one having a hissy fit about other people's opinions is you.

what does x-posted mean?

It means posting at the same time as someone else you you didn't see their comment before posting.

*so you

Actually, I would disagree, OP - the people on a forum shape it. The more established posters are, therefore, the people who have shaped MN. If you don't like it, there are other forums.

Oh, and YABU.

Oh, but I do like it Love.
Thanks Sexual.

Advice from an OLD mumsnetter OP. Namechange and next time you post in AIBU if you are starting to get a pasting very humbly admit that you now see that you were being U (whether you think so or not). Thems the rules.

Wow, who trod on your corns? As for your poor little 3yo incapable of understanding, well, I have a 3yo and a simple "no dear, that's not yours" suffices. It's quite easy really and will hopefully ensure that she doesn't become the sort of person who grabs a woman's iPad and starts trying to download software.

[snatches GML's ipad and screams "SHARE!"]

Oh dear OP.

You asked for our thoughts and you've got them. The only one who seems angry on this thread is you.

"I agree, children should be taught to ask permission, but how do you teach that to a very active 3 year old that in a packed public place?"

As has already been said, by always giving the toy back to it's owner and saying "This belongs to X, you must ask if you can play with it" etc. It must have been as difficult for the grandmother to encourage her grandson to share as it would be for you to encourage your son to ask, yet you have been quite judgy about her and the boys parents (who weren't even there but have copped the blame from you).

"Many of you have slagged me and my son off on this post and I would just like to say that I have never told off another mothers child for taking/borrowing/playing with something of my sons in a public place"

You haven't been slagged off, you asked for opinions any you got them. You are upset because they aren't the opinions you thought you were going to hear, but you haven't been slagged off. You, however, have slagged off parents for being shit and asked "for fucks sake what's wrong with some people?" You started a thread that has a title slagging other people off.

Also, nobody told your son off. The woman sighed a thank you at you, not your son, in an exasperated or sarcastic tone. That's not telling anybody off. Poor woman was probably enjoying a few minutes peace while her grandson was playing and found herself refereeing a children's minor argument over a bucket. Lots of people would sigh and it wouldn't necessarily be a comment on you or your son when they did it.

"My parenting is far from perfect"
"Alot of you are obvioulsly such perfect mothers"

"Pearl - your children sound absolutely perfect - congratulations to you on raising them without fault."

The only person talking about being "perfect" is you OP. Nobody here is claiming to be perfect or suggesting that you aren't.

I'm not a coward so won't feel the need to name change in order to get people to like me, but thanks for the advice anyway 'Sexual'.

You're right - a personality change would probably be better

Or maybe not. That joke could have gone either way!

So....three is too young to be expected to ask permission, but not too young to know the protocol on sharing?

Sorry OP - concede defeat - you didn't think it through did you?

To be honest, I think most of you are thinking it thru A BIT TOO MUCH. But I concede, I have learnt alot from this post. Thank you.

kungfupannda could you please pm me your password, just need to buy $200 farmville cash. You don't mind, do you? Sharesy sharesy and all that :)

"I agree, children should be taught to ask permission, but how do you teach that to a very active 3 year old that in a packed public place? you should say "Darling, if you come across a discarded toy, you should stop, seek out the owner and ask their permission to play with it". He's 3 ffs! Many posters must have pretty intelligent pre-schoolers if their children can manage that. "

LOL!
The same way you teach them to share! Thats the point. You expect a small child to be able to remember to share yet you don't think they are capable of remembering to ask if they can borrow something.

PMSL @ the "Old Mumsnetters" comment.

The sharing thing is a nightmare - quickest route to mutual judgement/condemnation. Tifflin, dealing with a newborn child and older child in public setting = one of the most challenging things I've ever had to do ever ever ever. Sooooooo hard.

I had a friend who expected my children to share every toy without complaint when he brought his kids to our house but when my kids went to his, everything they touched was "x's special thing that she isn't expected to share." I think one of the biggest problems is that sharing doesn't come naturally and we have to learn it - but maybe we expect children to be able to do it before they're developmentally capable.

(btw I'm new to mumsnet and I'm amazed at how horrible people can be to each other. Wow. It's like being at toddler group but so much worse: someone asks for advice and then other parents - hiding behind masks - start pointing and judging. Please tell me that there are bits of mumsnet where people actually want to help, where there's flexible and expansive discussion, where people can be a bit vulnerable without being ripped apart).

Well I'm NOT an OLD MNer is age or amount of time I've been here.

I still disagree with you OP.

This thread isn't a mum asking advice though is it. It's someone saying 'other mums are shit aren't they' on a website for mums. I think it got the expected reaction tbh.

pandapop, you're absolutely right. I looked again at the original post and I think if you say 'other mums are shit' you're spoiling for a fight. Point taken :) (btw I've had a look on other non-AIBU threads - can't judge whole of MN by AIBU).

Aye it can take a bit of getting used to. But usually there is some good advice buried amonst the insults.

Hi lightroom
Welcome and good luck! I've been on other mumsnet forums that have been really helpful, especially the parenting and sleeping ones - the posters on their seem friendly and helpful and I've gained some good advice.

Avoid AIBU if you are at all sensitive! Also, if you post something just to be liked, then avoid mentioning anything that might be construed controversial in any way as you will be lynched to within an inch of your life.

Oh, just recently learnt that if you do post on AIBU and the majority of replies think you are, you should bow down submissively and humbly confess to being totally and utterly in the wrong - I think this is to make other posters feel better, even if, deep down, you actually know you're right. .

You've got it tifflins! We'll make an old mumsnetter of you yet!