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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and Lapdancing club

188 replies

ChocolateWineAndShoes · 03/10/2011 10:06

Hi all,

I am new here but thought I would jump in the deep end and post in AIBU as I genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable or not! I suspect I am, so feel free to give it to me straight Grin

My dh went to a mutual friend's stag do over the weekend. As a general rule he's not really into going out with the boys all that much, he's pretty much a homebody. But I talked him into going - he wasn't that keen but he works hard and we have a 4 year old and an 11 month old so I thought he could do with a night off to have fun.

Here is where I am not sure if IABU or not....I made a joke about them going to a strip bar, which is really not his thing. He said to me that he really hoped they wouldn't as he wouldn't be comfortable there. I then said that it would be ok with me as a one off for someones stag do, as long as he didn't get any dances.

Well, you can all guess where they ended up of course. As soon as my dh walked through the door yesterday morning I asked how it went and he then asked me how much I wanted to know. I told him to tell me everything... So, after a long night boozing they ended up going to this bar. Dh says as soon as they turned up outside he realised what it was and his heart sank. But he didn't want to be a party pooper and he went in with them. Apparently the groom-to-be had multiple 'private' dances as did most of the stag party. Only my dh and one or two others didn't have any dances. I asked if he was approached by any of the girls but he said no as he pretty much spent the night either outside smoking or playing on his phone sitting at the back while the stag party propped up the bar surrounded by the girls. The only time he even spoke to any of them was when he was smoking and 2 of the girls came out for a break. One asked him for a cigerette and asked if he had a dance yet. He said no, no offence but it's really not his kind of thing and she said ok, and went back to her friend. My dh said he felt really sad as she looked so young.

Aaaaaanyway, (sorry for the essay!), they eventually left and went back to the hotel. Now, when he told me this I was fine and thanked him for telling me (I have no reason to doubt his version of events btw, although I am aware I may have some posters doubting him Grin). He was really shocked at the groom-to-be, and didn't know whether to tell me in case it puts me in a position with his fiancee. I actually suspect she won't be bothered.

But here's my issue. Despite me initially saying I wouldn't mind if he ended up at one of those places, I am actually feeling a bit upset by it. I don't know why. I do believe he had no dances, without question. He is not an 'ogler' and he's not the type to have his eyes on stalks. He is very respectful in regards to women. So what is my problem? I am a bit insecure from having a baby 11 months ago, and knackered from being a sahm and still bf-ing so maybe that would explain it?

So AIBU to feel annoyed with him? I don't really want to talk to him today but I know that I have no right really to be a bitch as he didn't do anything wrong. But I feel hurt and I have no idea why.

Aaaaarrggghh! Come on then, slap some sense into me!

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 03/10/2011 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSecondComing · 03/10/2011 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

metalelephant · 03/10/2011 16:57

TheSecondComing, I think I love you :)

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 17:00

MrSpoc I don't hate all men

But I'm not too fond of you Smile

MrSpoc · 03/10/2011 17:04

TheSecondComing - You do come across as a raving fanatic feminist and i am not sure what you mean by my one handed typing. Would you care to explain.

There are many things people choose to do that others are against ie:
Being a soldier fighting and killing for your country.
Being a labour politian
Working in Macdonalds

Guess what they are choices that people choose. Yes circumstances and lack of choices play a part, but its still a CHOICE. Just because you are against it does not mean it is wrong. In fact it is legal in this country.

Some of you are very narrow minded.

Malificence · 03/10/2011 17:04

Have you let your slave DH out of the shed again AF?

You know what happens when he gets all uppity. Wink

MrMan · 03/10/2011 17:04

posie so do we take some placards down to the tate for showing nude works by Picasso and michelangelo ? Do we go that far? If that's what it takes to end exploitation I will support it, but we need coherent arguments.

metalelephant · 03/10/2011 17:04

I generally like men - I love a good few, but do hate the kind that frequent lapdancing joints and the feminist bashers. MrSpoc, no love for you either, I think you'll get over it though.

MrSpoc · 03/10/2011 17:05

Shame realy anyfucker and i thought we could be friends.

I suppose the only men you like are the ones who will do and think the way you want. Its a little boring.

metalelephant · 03/10/2011 17:06

MrMan, a piece of art is not a living breathing woman that's coerced and taken advantage of. There's no analogy in a painting and a lapdancer at all. Unless you consider the woman to be an object, like a painting or a sculpture.

Malificence · 03/10/2011 17:07

Well if TSC is a raving fanatic feminist for holding those views , colour me one too, with knobs on.

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 17:08

I am very fond of decent men, MrSpoc

That's it really

if you were a decent man, we could get on

Your posts belie that, however

am sure you think of me as a bitter, frigid old witch, so it's all good innit

mal I currently have him chained to the kitchen sink. I may release him to lick my boots later as long as he agrees with everything I say of course

MrMan · 03/10/2011 17:09

spoc let's put it this way. Kids in India hack off their limbs because they earn more money begging that way. Its a choice they make but no rational person sits by and says 'fair enough'. This is an example of the limits to your choice argument (technically your error is a classic inductive-logic fallacy: look it up).

MrMan · 03/10/2011 17:10

metal my point was that originally the paintings were made by paying a woman to take off her clothes.

MrSpoc · 03/10/2011 17:11

Yes MrMan but in India the kids do not do it themselves in fact its there pimps who have abducted them that do it. Try to be clever and at least look at the facts.

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 17:11

mrMan, I prefer to think of as "a twat's charter" but hey, that's just IMO

MrSpoc · 03/10/2011 17:11

Any fucker you no nothing about me so how do you know I am not a decent person?

You are a funny one arnt you.

TheSecondComing · 03/10/2011 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 17:13

MrMan, it must feel a bit shit to be a man, right now Smile

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 17:13

You have my every sympathy..

ThePosieParker · 03/10/2011 17:14

Mr Spoc...Are you suggesting fine art and stripping for money are in the same bracket?

And I would have protested outside that hideous photographer of the year where the winner just showed his girlfriend's vulva and called it English rose or some other shit, if that had gone up in the Tate.

metalelephant · 03/10/2011 17:16

fair enough MrMan, I missed that point, but there is still a vast difference in the intention behind removing your clothes for a drawing session and doing the same for somebody to have the pleasure of a dry hump.

I have been in many drawing classes, nobody ever expected the model to pretend they were having sex with them, they may have fantasised about it but the model was not expected to arouse anybody.

MrSpoc · 03/10/2011 17:16

Why who meantioned fine art Posie? it wasnt me.

metalelephant · 03/10/2011 17:19

MrMan, works by Picasso and Michelangelo are generally described as fine art no?

MrMan · 03/10/2011 17:19

spoc no, actually they do it themselves willingly. I know this because a good friend runs a charity for them.

af trust me, the more time I spend on MN , the more I think that women should focus on artificial insemination.