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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DD to hang around with this girl?

119 replies

BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 19:16

DD is 6 and in yr 2. She has always been friendly & outgoing but when she started in reception she had a lot of problems with another child who joined her group of friends and her behaviour became very challenging, she was anxious and started biting her nails until they bled.

The child is very badly behaved and her parents are often called into school about her behaviuor. I'm 'school gate' friends with her mum so hear about the problems first hand.

I had to go and talk to the teachers on several occasions while they were in reception but they said it was just teething problems and the girl is learning to behave.

In yr 1 I had to go in a lot, DD was bitten and hit by this girl and they finally came to blows and had a scrap. The teachers said they would try their best to sepearte them but could not really be responsible for the friendship as they sometimes got on.......

She has now been back at school for about a month and her behaviour has gone down the plug hole, nasty comments and bullying her brother just like the girl does to the other children. I'm at my wits end.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 01/10/2011 19:20

And you think your child is bullying her brother and making nasty comments because of the way this other child treats people?

I don't know if it's really that simple to be honest.

Lots of kids will witness that behaviour at school, but it doesn't mean they'll copy it if they know it's wrong.

YANBU to tell your child to keep away from her but YABU (a bit) to blame your child's behaviour on her influence.

It may not be the case.

MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 19:27

Your dd is always going to be around other kids who may be a bad influence, all you can do is set boundaries for her and explain why the behaviour is unacceptable. She needs to learn to decide how to behave for herself irrespective of other children. I know it's probably easier said than done.

Original poster
BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 19:27

I think it's a bit of both her influence and also the stress of the situation, i.e. having to deal with this girls behaviour towards her on a regulare basis. Her mum say she has 'social problems' but I just hate the way it is impacting on DD

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 01/10/2011 19:30

Well I don't think it would do any harm to encourage your DD to play with other children.

Some children just aren't a good mix.

MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 19:30

The other girl might not be able to control her behaviour if she has social problems or a special need. The only thing you can do it equip your dc to cope with it.

worraliberty · 01/10/2011 19:30

But surely she's being brought up to know that, that sort of behaviour is unacceptable no matter what outside 'influence' is apparently causing it?

So you keep her away from this girl, fair enough.

What happens when she makes friends with another 'bad influence'?

At some point, she's going to have to accept responsibility for her own behaviour, the same as we all do.

Original poster
BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 19:50

She has been battling with this girl and her behaviour for the last 3 years, I don't think it's fair

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 01/10/2011 19:52

You can't blame another child for YOUR child's bad behaviour!!!

AKMD · 01/10/2011 19:53

Can you ask for her to move class?

Original poster
BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 19:53

I think it has a massive impact

OP posts:
Original poster
BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 19:54

I asked in reception as wanted to nip it in the bud but the teachers said they didn;t think it would be a good idea. There are 4 of them in the group and the other two often come out of school in tear because of this girl, it's not just DD

OP posts:
worraliberty · 01/10/2011 19:55

Do you accept that your child will eventually have to be responsible for her own behaviour though?

What sort of punishment did she get for being nasty to her brother?

GypsyMoth · 01/10/2011 19:56

Massive impact??

Dillydaydreaming · 01/10/2011 19:56

Is this the same child who hasn't invited your DD to the party?

MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 19:57

I don't know how you think you can fix this or have any control over the other girl. The only thing you can control is your dd response. Do you want the other girl expelled? It's fine to tell you dd that she should widen her social circle but not sure that will help.

Original poster
BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 19:57

Absolutely she has to acceppt responsiblity, but I'm not going to ingnore the influence this child has over her.

She gets a warning and if it continues she goes ion the naughty mat but TBH it's mainly psychological bullying which is what this girl is famous for

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 01/10/2011 19:58

Baker - look my DS had some issues with a child in his class - I mentioned it to the teacher and it did have a detrimental effect on my child - he was miserable and his behaviour got worse.

Anyway I encouraged him to play with other children and they were switched around in class.

And now they're a bit older they get along well. It was just that at that point in their lifes they weren't a good combination and didn't bring out the best in each other.

GypsyMoth · 01/10/2011 19:58

There are influences everywhere though!

MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 19:59

Have you considered that this other girl might have some kind of social difficulties. Your dd doesn't, so surely it would be easier for her to amend her behaviour.

Original poster
BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 19:59

Dillydaydreaming - No it's not, the other girl did invite DD but the invite was lost, her mum called and asked if she was coming Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 20:01

I have been waiting for it to get better since reception.... Yes I know she has social difficulties but it's my DD who is taking teh brunt of it, it is a hard thing to deal with from teh age of 4 until now.

OP posts:
MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 20:02

What would you like to happen in a perfect world? Its understandable that you are upset about it, but not sure what you want to do about it?

Original poster
BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 20:02

I don't know what to do about it, I just want DD to be happy Sad

OP posts:
MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 20:03

It's life I'm afraid and your dd needs to learn to avoid this child and cope with it. There will always be another child misbehaving or bullying...

MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 20:04

I know it must be awful for you both. Has talking your dd helped? Maybe you can teach her some coping strategies? Social stories might help.