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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to bang other mums heads together!!

127 replies

cabbagesoup · 24/09/2011 13:20

God I'm so annoyed I have that knotted feeling in my tummy right NOW!! what do you do when the class is invited to a party, bar YOUR child and one other..

Surely the rules are either the whole class / the boys / the girls or just 2 or 3 mates.

Not the whole class minus two!! I'm baffled.. But the best bit is I'm now getting the whispering "how are you getting there" "shall we share lifts" etc conversations that stop dead when I'm around!! I feel completly on guard at the moment like I don't know who's a "friend" anymore.. and totally baffled by why my DC isn't invited in the first place, he is mates with this kid and I get on well with the mum.

I did think maybe the invite was lost? but the whispering has confirmed this isn't the case.

Just feeling really hurt and upset and I know it's only a bleeding party but my DC is a bit miffed too.

Any one else been here?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 24/09/2011 13:22

Ask the mother and watch her squirm.

worraliberty · 24/09/2011 13:22

YANBU but this seems to happen a lot and the parent generally thinks the Birthday child gets on fine with their offspring, when it's obviously not the case.

I think it's horrible to invite the whole class minus 1 or 2 children but some parents are just horrible really.

I've always limited party invites to proper friends and no child is proper friends with everyone in the class.

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly · 24/09/2011 13:22

Ah that's rubbish. Is there anyone you feel comfortable enough to ask if there is a known reason why your ds hasn't been invited? Or could you ask the mum of the birthday boy?

Horribly bad manners not to invite 2 from a class, and horribly bad manners to be whispering about it. That would piss me off more tbh.

worraliberty · 24/09/2011 13:24

I have to say I'd rather eat my own tits than approach the parent and ask why.

No way would I even hint that either myself or my child were bothered.

Springyknickersohnovicars · 24/09/2011 13:26

That is really nasty is there any history with the child whose birthday it is and your child?

Jamillalliamilli · 24/09/2011 13:27

Yep, SEN kids and their parents get it a lot. It sucks, sorry.

Original poster
cabbagesoup · 24/09/2011 13:30

I'm doing the I'm not bothered thing, I thought it was just the boys going but then found out it's girls too - I'm not doing a very good job at not bothered, still feeling cross, and I'm clearly bothered enough to be typing!!!

... I'm pretty upfront but not very brave..Not sure I could ask the mum, I actually really like her, but this is a joint party with another boy in the class and I can't stand the mum of the other boy - so me thinks this has something to do with that.

I honestly am the owner of a polite DS, not the owners of a pain in the arse no one wants back for tea etc.

I may well have to ask the nice mum why he wasn't invited.

OP posts:
Original poster
cabbagesoup · 24/09/2011 13:32

Springyknickers... yes there is one incident with the nice mum ages ago in reception class my boy and another were calling him a name he didn't like , it was a nickname not a swear word or anything it was a one off - But the other child involved in that name calling is going to the party -I did think about that but that was 3 years ago!!

OP posts:
redwineformethanks · 24/09/2011 13:37

Sorry for your boy to be excluded but I think it would be rude to ask someone why they've chosen not to invite him. Try to arrange a special day out so that if anyone asks if you're bothered, you can truthfully say that it doesn't matter cos he couldn't go anyway

Original poster
cabbagesoup · 24/09/2011 13:37

Arhhhh just looked up the venue and they are only allowed 12 children and there are 15 in the class..

So there are 3 not invited!!

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 24/09/2011 13:39

YANBU - that's an awful thing to do to 2 children Shock Some parents really have no idea of etiquette or manners.

I second Redwine - organise a special treat for your DS that day.

worraliberty · 24/09/2011 13:43

That explains it then.

Even before I spotted your post about the venue, I was going to say if it's a joint party they've probably been told to invite X amount of friends each.

Both Birthday boys may think the other one invited your son....but if it's a 'numbers' problem, there's your answer Smile

Springyknickersohnovicars · 24/09/2011 13:45

Ahh well that makes sense now, withdraws nasty comment.

You're child is lucky having such a small class size though for the rest of the time.

Original poster
cabbagesoup · 24/09/2011 13:48

Thanks - you know I have done that already, we are going to have a busy lovely day.

It's not him actually, he's generally laid back and not bothered, I think it's me that's hurt I stupidly thought I had friends, but to hear them whispering was just hurtful. They did that Rolling eye thing to indicate that I was close by, and I guess that says to me that all the others know that he's been excluded.

The fact they think I'm so bloody thick I didn;t see them do it -they even said "shssssss" outloud.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 24/09/2011 13:48

15 is a very small class. Why on earth would they book a venue which will only accept 12? Confused. Still, mean spirited as it is, some thoughtless morons do do this and enquiring why never ends well. Second organizing an alternative treat for your dd.

talkingnonsense · 24/09/2011 13:51

If I were you, I'd say nicely to the mums, I know it was a numbers thing, but can you tell me who else isn't going, because I'll do something for them- polite and makes the point about excluding just 3.

SuePurblybilt · 24/09/2011 13:55

It's horrible Sad. DD's class is made of three year groups and invitations are a nightmare. I invite everyone I think DD knows but still miss people two year groups ahead but in the same class, who are hurt.
If I missed someone and their child was upset, I hope they'd ask me.

Pissfarterleech · 24/09/2011 13:55

Actually, if the venue only allows twelve, the mother is still a prize bitch.

She should have booked somewhere big enough to accommodate them all.

Leaving out three little kid sis just downright spiteful, no ifs, no buts.

Andrewofgg · 24/09/2011 13:56

I choose my friends and if my DS were still small I would allow him to choose his. YABU.

gethelp · 24/09/2011 13:58

God, I can still feel the rage from this foul part of playground politics, just inwardly seethe, and swear you'll never do it to another child. And these 'friends' are just people in the same geographical location as you who are trying to not be left out of the in-crowd either. Don't let it spoil your family time. Grrrrrrr.

Pissfarterleech · 24/09/2011 13:59

andrew so you think it's decent behaviour to exclude three little kids?

blackeyedsusan · 24/09/2011 14:01

perhaps your friends were whispering because they did not want to hurt your feelings?

the problem is the inviters not the invitees. it is a bit mean to choose a venue that excludes a small number. (less than 5)

Andrewofgg · 24/09/2011 14:02

It's unattractive but I would not have forced my DS to invite people he did not like. If there is a limit to the number who can sensibly be invited it's the child's choice - it's not the obligation of the parents to book somewhere bigger unless you live in the land of the money-tree in which case please send me the address!

aldiwhore · 24/09/2011 14:04

YANBU.

Our rule is 'less than half' invite who you want, more than half, invite the whole class... same with the gender split for smaller parties. My eldest wanted 8 out of 10 of the boys to his party, we would not allow it as it meant only 2 would be left out. So we settled on 5.

If that makes sense. I'd never work a party that meant that only 2 or 3 of the class were left out, its cruel, unfair and just not something I'd do.

Pissfarterleech · 24/09/2011 14:05

Aldiwhore, that is exactly how we do it too.

Seems eminently kind and sensible to me.