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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

1006 replies

Badtasteflump · 22/09/2011 13:43

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready Grin

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

OP posts:
alistron1 · 23/09/2011 21:17

SoupDragon, I've been a SAHM. Now I'm not. Being a SAHM for some of us aint as rosy as some of you are painting it.

I found it to be really boring.

floosiemcwoosie · 23/09/2011 21:17

sm - in your opinion this is a good role model

For me, not so much

wamster · 23/09/2011 21:18

I find your mock outrage and attempt to belittle my relationship totally transparent, Pissfarterleech, as it is clearly obvious that if a person is not earning money then they are reliant on their dh/dp for money unless financially independent themselves and few of us are fortunate to need never to work again. After a couple of months not working, my cash levels were low, hence the embarrassing: 'I need tampons, darling' conversation.

Pissfarterleech · 23/09/2011 21:18

wamster are you serious? I mean , you are joking yes? Seriously? Shock

Okay, this is how it work sin a mutually respectful relationship.

All money goes into one joint account OR two equal single accounts.

Both equal partners spend what they want/need accordingly.

I am genuinely sorry you had no access to money when you didn't work. If you read the relationships thread you'll see that controlling the money is actually an abusive trait.

SoupDragon · 23/09/2011 21:19

"the knot in my stomach as I had to ask dh to buy tampons for me,"

WTF?? Your life was clearly a whole lot different to mine if you had to ask for things. You are basing your judgements on something completely incomparable.

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 21:20

my kids see me work.see stick in at school leads to something
not just playing house

Pissfarterleech · 23/09/2011 21:21

Alistron, I think you are bang on actually.

Being a SAHM is not rosy for some. It doesn't suit everyone, if money is tight it can be very difficult etc .

Which is kind of exactly what many of us have been saying, different folks, different strokes.

Riveninabingle · 23/09/2011 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeggyNight · 23/09/2011 21:22

I am wearing my hardhat as I would just like to say.....

I think one parent (if at all possible, I realise it isn't always) should be at home once you have children at least up until they are old enough to be in the house on their own. I think this should be encouraged and supported (rather than making childcare more accessible or making SAHP feel like lesser citizens etc) as I believe it makes for a more stable family life.

runs

SoupDragon · 23/09/2011 21:22

but alistron1, that is the WHOLE POINT.
We are not all the same. However, certain of the WOHMs seem unable to see that.

Pissfarterleech · 23/09/2011 21:23

And my kids see me at 3.15 in the playground, SM.

I'm sure your kids are as happy with your set up as mine are with ours.

floosiemcwoosie · 23/09/2011 21:24

Christ I must have had more vino than i thought....had a strange dream that I lived in 2011 and not 1940.

dont bake, havent joined any sort of groups, not a member of WI, dont knit, dh does his share of housework etc

Better slow down with the wine.......my allowance isnt due for another week and i need to buy my blue rinse

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 21:24

my kids never see me 315.no biggie

wamster · 23/09/2011 21:24

Pissfarterleech, OK, as you are clearly trying to make this into something it is not, I am now forced to defend myself here. Hmm
I had not worked for several months, my money had run out. Dh was happy to set up a joint account so I could access money, however, before this was done, I had just about run out of money owing to an unseen financial matter.

I started my period and had to ask my dh for money to buy sanitary protection. He didn't like me asking him at all and was insistent that next week we'd sort out a joint bank account to preserve my dignity. This incident, however, showed me that I did not want to be dependent upon him for money and made me determined to get a job.

SarahStratton · 23/09/2011 21:25

Christ almighty, even when I was married to XH I wouldn't have thought twice about getting him to buy me some tampax. I looked after our children. That enabled him to pursue his career.

UnSerpentQuiCourt · 23/09/2011 21:25

I think I would have asked the same question, but really because I am so jealous ... I only work part time but I still find it impossible to do that work (teacher), spend really lovely time with dd, look after my very aged mother, keep the house and garden anywhere near how I would like it and have time to do anything that I would enjoy ie hobby. I am always tired, stressed and running to catch up with myself. If I am honest, I find it rather unfair that some people are born with/marry into so much money that they don't have to work ...

SoupDragon · 23/09/2011 21:27

PeggyNight, I disagree with that. People should do what suits their family the best, whether this is both parents working or one being at home.

RitaMorgan · 23/09/2011 21:27

Fucking hell, you had to ask your DH to buy tampons?

I haven't really worked since my ds was born, and I have access to exactly the same amount of money as my DP. I can't believe a man would make his wife beg for pennies from him. There's something a lot more wrong in your relationship than whether or not you work.

floosiemcwoosie · 23/09/2011 21:28

sm - what life changing career do you at?

hmc · 23/09/2011 21:28

That's my philosophy too Peggy and tbh I'd rather it be me than dh and happily he concurrs - win win.

We too have a joint account and find it odd that some people in supposedly committed relationships keep their finances separate. Whats that all about then? Confused Wamster you've been very direct in your approach, I'd like to be similarly forthright in stating that having to ask your dh for cash for anything really is a marker of a dysfunctional relationship imo

SarahStratton · 23/09/2011 21:28

They don't always USQC.

I was invalided out of work. I love my life, I love being at home, I cherish the fact that I am always there for the DDs, but I think on balance I'd also like my health back.

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 21:29

doesnt it worry if your kids dont see mum work,that they think housework and chores is women's work.mummies dont work.daddies do. i wouldnt want to enact that way of life to my kids

Pissfarterleech · 23/09/2011 21:29

And my kids never see me coming in from work 6 pm or whatever SM. No Biggie.

RitaMorgan · 23/09/2011 21:29

How do you ever get to the point where your money can "run out" if your partner still has plenty? Some people have very odd attitudes to money - maybe that is why work is so important to some, because their partner would make them so vulnerable otherwise.

SoupDragon · 23/09/2011 21:30

I am bowing out of this now. It is going nowhere new and it really rather tedious to keep reading how worthless one's choice is.

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