To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

[Badtasteflump]

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

I think that anyone who needs to ask this question is just sad. Really.

SAHM, check. Cleaner, check. Gardener, check. Kids in school, check. Plenty to do though. What I do, who cares - enough that I am still short of time. I don't claim any benefits (not even the child thingie everyone is entitled to). No burdens on others in regards to school or healthcare, and PLENTY in my personal bank account (earned by me in the past). I just found other things besides my original career to occupy my time.

wamster unlike you, I can understand how a woman could be happy working outside the home and being a waged employee all day.

Perhaps you just need a bit of imagination to see the other side.

So, am I not allowed my own opinions then wamster?

You aren't "genuinely baffled" because you clearly don't actually care why, you just disagree with it. Enough people have explained why it works for them to allow you to overcome your bafflement.

why sad?uncomfortable for some to answer not sad for op to ask a legit question.or anyone to opine

it is a bit lame when the inevitable psychobabble gets trotted out - you is jealous not a sahm. if you were really happy you'd never ask...

thats the on line chat thang,questions asked,bit of how very dare you for good measure on both sides

I'm rubbish at being a SAHM. Cooking, housework, arranging stuff etc are not in my skill set. Perhaps I have a manly Type A personality and need a wife?!!

I just couldn't find fulfillment in baking, hosting coffee mornings and taking my kids to stuff. Tried it and hated it.

Would rather earn dosh and outsource

My DP however would be a fantastic SAHD and I would love to earn enough for him to do that.

If making my child and family my priority makes me a leech, not constructive, doing sweet FA all day...then fuck it I am that woman, and proud of it.

why should only one person take the big prioritise others hit
shouldnt it be shared.and is usually the woman who gives up stuff

What do you do though when your kids don't need you to ferry them to activities/bake shit/host playdates?

scottishmummy - agree with you on that one. From this thread it seems that many women are happy to put their lives on hold so that their type A men can earn the big bucks, because they as 'wimmin' couldn't possibly do that.

It sucks that in 2011 this is the case.

There is more to life than facilitating the career of men.

Pissfarterleech, I have experienced both sides of the fence.
Nothing to do all day. Making two hours worth of housework (if that) stretch all day. Being asked why not working as, after all, no small dc's or caring role to do, the knot in my stomach as I had to ask dh to buy tampons for me, the guilt at not doing much all day. The aimlessness of not having structure to the day.

Feeling guilty as f*ck when my husband came in from a hard day at the office while all I had really done all day amounted to an hour or two of housework.

I know what it is like, I'm not that different to other people. So excuse me, if I don't wholly accept the 'I'm so happy' line.

We've already spent 20 odd pages telling you all what we do, Alistron1!

We have hobbies and interests and responsibilities and community work and friends and sports . And imagination and contentment.

He earns five times what I do and I dont want to miss anything

alistron 1 - I know you are going to laugh but I honestly dont have a minute!

I often wonder how the hell i managed to fit in work. Tomorrow is the one day in about three weeks that I dont have anyhtign arranged

lol bake shit! i dont do school pick up.they go nursery and asc. i know many mums from there.we hang out.their pals are kids in same situation.

playdates ,parties all at weekend
we attend all the wee plays and stuff of course

Our family life as a whole would be much more complicated and stressful and far less pleasant if I went out to work. Whether I am 100% fulfilled and rapturously happy really is a moot point as this is the right choice for my family and I am happy with that. I do not have to dump my children into after school clubs, with a childminder or holiday play schemes and I think they benefit from that. Others do what is right for their family and choose differently.

Neither choice is wrong and neither choice is more valid than the other. Not all people are the same. What is so baffling about that?

I love going to work. It's tiring and that and some evenings DP has to cook dinner AND wash up.

However, you get validation as a human being for stuff, you get beer tokens every month and you get to form relationships that are not based on playdates, when you toilet trained or what stage of the ORT your kid is on.

I'm sure that some people do enjoy going to the gym, trying out new recipes and going out for coffee etc... but that's the kind of stuff I'm planning on doing when I am old tbh...

alistorn -again you have missed the point. Thats a hell of an assumption. I gave up my career because my DS was important to me, nothing to do with an alpha male. Haven't you read any of this?

wamster you had to ask your DH to buy you tampons? [shock}

Well blow me, I was right about your relationshio, wasn't I?

Gosh. I'm sorry, I really am. I cannot begin to imagine a relationship where I ever had to ask for a penny

People keep posting "why do they care?" - imo, as a WOHM I care because...

• I'm really really jealous and feeling that way puts you on the defensive straight away I think
• even though I am jealous, a tiny part of me agrees with Scottish mummy- is that it for you?
• thankfully most of the SAHMS here are being honest about pissing about doing nice things but you do hear a lot of moaning about how trribly busy some people are

-I don't know how comfortable I would be not contributing financially

• I feel sorry for the husbands, don't you think they'd like to go to the gy

and meet their friends?!

BTW, I only say "dump my children in after school club" as a counterpoint to the accusation of laziness and not contributing.

"However, you get validation as a human being for stuff,"

Pmsl. How ridiculous. I don't feel any less a human being for being a SAHM. I sure as hell didn't get any sense of validation when I worked! LOLOL

I asked my workaholic hubby if he'd like to do coffee and he looked at me as if I'd gone mad.

I also asked him if he'd like me to get a job. He looked petrified!

I do community stuff, read and have a very active imagination

I also earn some sheckles too and enjoy it far more than my time as a SAHM

Even if I won the lottery/bagged a type A man you wouldn't catch me joining a book group (joining anything for that matter), hosting shit or baking shit.

I'd be down the pub.

Pissfarterleech, Of course, I had to ask him to buy tampons for me. I was not working! He had money, I did not. I unexpectedly started my period a few weeks early and had run out of tampons and I'd forgotten to buy them in weekly shop.

If you've no money, your dh buys you stuff. Or did you think money fell from the sky.

i have been dumping my dc with others since they were 6mth old
and it allows me to work,maintain career,and i chose it
and imo a good role modek