or is it a bit cheeky to ask people who are only invited to your evening do to contribute towards your honeymoon?

[Smellyanne]

and if IABU how much is acceptable to give?

what the fuck is wrong with everyone

acoss the world and in every culture its traditional to get a gift
so what on earth is wrong with people asking for what they want???? gifts are for the receiver, not the giver

"Oh they want a honeymoon, selfish cunts" what the fuck is wrong with that??? woukd you feel better getting them B&Q vouchers as they are more worthy???

bunch of mean tight arses on this thread

Surely DP and I can't be the only ones with chipped, mismatched crockery, threadbare towels and everything else from ikea?

I would so do a traditional wedding list with toasters and plates on it. I'm surprised more people don't

custardcake brilliant poem!

I have no problem with giving a wedding gift/cash, I just hate this ridiculous way of asking for them!!!

as it happens the wedding in which I was refering too, had very few evening guests attend, I wasnt the only one put of by the awful poem!

Everything on our trad list ahs long worn out- unless your family and mates are able toa fford the whole Denby / Le Creuset / Egyptian Cotton From John Lewis thing then you will end up using it and wearing it out.

But a holiday- even more so a honeymoon- wow. memories are so very precious. A fantastic thing to give! I'd rather go for that than- ahem- to quote a fied 'the X coffee machine, the navy one but not the one with the soilver seal, the one they don't make any more but is probably in stock with the grey seal', or alternatively- 'anything from Debenhams- yuck who gave us that oh it was you Sancti oops'*

• Perhaps it was shite, it was a traditional wicker basket picnic hamper and they sued to travel the country with their vintage car hobby so we thought it would be nice but there you go. Cost us disposable income for a month so tough shit n all that

Custard - that is very impressive, especially beofre 9.00 am!

Porca - it's not about being mean and tight arsed, it's about manners! I'm quite generous with wedding gifts, that doesn't mean politeness goes down the toilet!

Calling people tight arsed is something that rude wedding money grabbers do in a feebl attempt to justify their lack of manners.

YY Fanjo Banjo- weddings are ex[ensive: even a basic apckage of fees costs hundreds, which I imagine is out of plenty of people's reach at this very moment. Agree also that evening invite does not mean B list- usually in my circle day is closest long terms friends and family; anyone else no matter how wanted comes in the evening: work colleagues, anyone beyond the level of aunt, friends made in last decade etc. And you feed them, of course you do, a decent buffet usually.

Worst ever request we had- money towards a specific furniture item. Fine with per se except it meant a 50 mile drive as shop owner only dealt face to face, then we were aghast as she noted our names alongside the amount 'as the bride ahs asked'. I mean, wtf? Apparenlty said item was quite a bone of contention in the divorce as well.

HappyMummy is right anyway: you make your list of whatever you want but you never, ever place in the invite- truly abd form. Only provided on request, traditionally (though not for us as we did it all ourselves) via bride's mother.

And no slaveto it can't be becuase I agreed with porca and we had an Argos list deliberately so we could keep it cheap as possible for people. The opposite of money grabbing. So ner

but from reading threads THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY THEY CAN ASK FOR MONEY, none. whatever people do, or say pisses people off

so just ask for nothing then???? and then live with 8 shitty waterford vases, ugh

Ah Porca you can always ebay them

Would it be acceptable to ebay unwanted gifts? Like 7 of the waterford vases? I could get a nice bit of cash for them...

dammit xpost

Yes it is.

I would buy a wedding present.

GET AM WATERFORD VASE PESTO!!!!

and then check ebay in a few weeks!

We specifically didn't ask for anything at all when we got married having been together a long time but people asked so we said that some euros or cash for our honeymoon and to print off our wedding photos/create a wedding album would be lovely. The people that didn't ask about what to give us (which was over half of those who came to the evening do) gave us money too or a bottle of champagne. Some gave us a card etc. People don't have a right to demand a gift but I know it can be difficult because people (myself included) like to contribute something, if nothing else because weddings are so bloody expensive so anything to ease on the cost!

We ended up with over £1000, people were very generous. I was expecting £10 probably from most of our friends who wanted to give money etc but generally £20/£30 came with then a couple of bigger cheques from family which was really, really lovely. I think £10 is more than generous! As it happens I've made a list of everything we spent out on honeymoon etc for and will be referring to it in the thank you cards so people know that their gift wasn't wasted on getting drunk or covering random costs. We would still have had a honeymoon but we would not have had some of the days out that the gifts allowed us to pay for which made it much more special :)

raspberry, I love your printing off wedding photos idea! That's lovely :)

I'm not going to read anymore of this thread. Many of you on here have made me feel greedy and grasping because I asked for donations towards my honeymoon and that my guests thought it rude. In fact I feel near to tears over the whole subject.

When we are asked to a friend's wedding I am happy to give whatever the couple request (within reason) if I know they are going to genuinely enjoy it. I don't understand people's reasoning behind preferring to give a present instead of something the couple want! I love the idea of contributing to such an important experience for the couple. Not cheeky imo.

lollilou - I think the more vitriolic posters here are venting for some reason, probably with a specific bridezilla in mind. I wouldn't take them too seriously.

I also think whether it's 'wrong' or not to ask for cash totally depends on the situation and how it is worded. If you make it clear that 'presents aren't EXPECTED but if people are stuck for something to choose then cash towards X would be much appreciated' then that's one thing. If you stick a line in the invite saying 'don't bother giving us crap gifts, just stump up some cash for our next fabulous project' then that of course is going to come across as rude.

Lollilou I recently was an evening guest and was very happy to give cash towards a honeymoon, I wanted to give it. I would much rather the happy couple have a lovely honeymoon than buy them tat! They put something along the lines of 'your presence is enough but if you insist then money towards honeymoon would be lovely'. They are lovely people so we were delighted to contribute. It was optional after all! I don't know anyone that was annoyed about it either and we know many other guests. So I think you shouldn't let these words get to you. I think they are the minority who have had bad experience with weddings/bridezillas. i am pretty much near 100% sure that people won't have been upset/offended, there was no need for them to be!

'Everything on our trad list ahs long worn out- unless your family and mates are able toa fford the whole Denby / Le Creuset / Egyptian Cotton From John Lewis thing then you will end up using it and wearing it out.'

25 years at the beginning of September and still using the crockery, towels, cutlery and pans from the wedding! Admittedly Le Creuset, but M&S towels and Habitat crockery.

Jelly, I think the point someone made earlier is right, that what you cahn buy for £20, as opposed to giving £20 are different things. My default is usually champagne and a plain crystal Dartington bowl when asked for money for a wedding.

Not random - Dartington and useful for everything from trifle to fruit to chocolates!

I think you are either happy to give money to a honeymoon or you aren't. To me it smacks of an entry fee to the wedding, and I have seen people on here saying they expect £x because the cost of the meal is £y, so their costs are covered.

You invite people because you want them there; presents are incidental.

I'm only kidding I'm sure it's a lovely gift.

If people choose to give gifts of their choosing as I know ar least one guest will, rather than make a charitable donation for my wedding I won't be offended.

I don't expect anything from any of my guests so anything is a lovely bonus!