or is it a bit cheeky to ask people who are only invited to your evening do to contribute towards your honeymoon?

[Smellyanne]

and if IABU how much is acceptable to give?

If you want a new toaster, you pay for it...

Why does anyone give gifts to a newly married couple?

I was thinking of doing the same Squeakytoy...

No buffet squeeky?

I would've cried.

I would have just buggered off to the pub

Oops maybe it's my wedding!
We have asked for money towards our honeymoon after much deliberation. We don't want/ need more stuff for the house- it is already stuffed to the gunnels as I am a hoarder.
We haven't been able to afford a holiday together yet and DPs last holiday was in 2006 mine in 2004 . We are not planning a tropical island honeymoon but with the help of our wedding loan and saving after the wedding we hope to have 2 weeks in Portugal, with our toddler, a few months after our wedding.

We thought of asking for nothing but then people would ask/ buy things we don't need and waste their money.
We thought of asking for vouchers but that would tie us in with a certain agent.
We thought of asking for money without specifying what it was for as we can scrape together/ use some loan money so will have one anyway. However, I thought it was ruder just to ask for cash!
So we went for a hopefully polite and not too sickly poem hoping that our friends know how much we would appreciate a honeymoon and this will allow us a bit more choice and maybe a nicer hotel!

It does seem that this has become more common- we gave given £20 for an evening do and £50 for a day. I don't expect a gift, as weddings can be expensive to attend. However, I go think most people wish to give a token.

You know I don't get this at all. People get invited to a wedding, the normal etiquette is to bring a gift for the newly weds. So which would you rather
A) ignore etiquette and bring nothing
b) bring a gift which may or may not be to the couples taste, and may or may not be something they already have, which then gets stuck in the back of the wardrobe for the next 10 years.
C) give a little something towards their honeymoon which you know they will enjoy, and having just shelled out to pay for you to attend their wedding, they probably could do with the cash!
Someone bought me a beautiful set of glasses and a bottle of vintage port for a wedding present, 10 years later I still have it unopened in my loft as the glasses look like something my grandma would use and I don't drink alcohol. Rather than the £50 spent on the port set, I would much rather have had a tenner to spend on a coffee at the airport, as yes, we were that skint!

My upcoming wedding is all about ME! ME dressing as a princess, having the biggest cake, the most white peacocks strolling the grounds, the best bands/discos/magicians/caricaturists/performing dolphins, the finest gourmet cuisine, the most bridesmaids, the most expensive dress!

It's about ME getting as much out of my guests as possible, hopefully they'll all give me lots of money as well as lots of gifts.

It's mainly about ME ME ME!!!!!!

Huh. If you've been invited and want to give a gift, but want to know if there is a list, ask the couple what they want. If you don't want to buy off a list, just buy a present. Sorted.

I've been invited to a wedding. Can't go as DS1 is due 3 weeks before and it's in another country. I'm sending a card and will buy a present off the gift list (or actually, we'll probably just add to the honeymoon fund rather than just buy 2 plates or something).

This is because I like my friend and would like to wish her and her husband-to-be all the best. Ideally I'd like to buy a present but then it's difficult posting it etc. So I will buy off her list.

I don't understand why just being invited to the evening do means no present for some people. I take along wine/flowers/chocolates even if I'm just going round to a friends for a party. So why is it any different when its a wedding?

YABU If you resent a tiny contribution to them having a holiday of a lifetime then you don't sound like a very good friend to me.

People are no longer setting up home when they get married, so the old fashioned gifts of household goods are not really appropriate in many cases. Therefore asking for gift vouchers or similar is perfectly acceptable in my book. And why is asking for a contribution towards the honeymoon (often done via holiday company websites) any different to that? I don't get what everyone is so upset about here. You can pay £10 towards their honeymoon, it's not the same as paying for a holiday that you can't afford yourself, blimey! How that is expressed in the invitation is beside the point, because surely people wouldn't dream of turning up without a gift in any case.

By the way, I absolutely didn't want gifts for our wedding as we don't need anything. But DH insisted as he said people would want to give us a gift and so we would spend months answering questions about what we wanted or end up with things we don't need. We don't need household goods, so we asked for vouchers towards a larger project. Some people's generosity absolutely astounded me. Since then I have upped what I give to people when I am a guest at their wedding, knowing how generous people were to us and how touched I was, and knowing the trouble (and cost) they have gone to to organise the day, and knowing how difficult it is to get the numbers for the day down to what is allowed, so I am pleased to be invited to any part of the day (or evening!).

Oh and on the champagne as a gift point...we got a few bottles for our wedding but they are all stockpiled in the kitchen as I got pregnant on honeymoon....

So is your new H going to be there fanjo or have you forgotten to organise that be?

Oops skimread some posts. Have never been to a wedding where I had to buy any drinks so that skews my perspective.

I wouldn't mind this at all, I agree with Stoirin. Everyone knows you give gifts for weddings, I can't be doing with the coy fannying around, pretending that you don't. And the couple want something in particular? So shoot them. How dare they want the people buying presents to actually give something that they want and not just squander their money on any old thing because it's not the done thing to specify.

Sounds v sensible to me.

I think it's a bit sad that anyone would resent giving their friends a gift to celebrate their wedding day. If you feel that way, perhaps you shouldn't go?

Of course the gift should not bankrupt you, but who cares what the money is spent on, as long as it is what the couple in question want.

ohbaby actually the champagne I gave as a gift was one of my stockpiled ones from my wedding

Nothing wrong with a bit of recycling though.

Na, I'll marry myself, as it's all about ME!

I hate it-especially when, as was the case with a relative of mine, they earned vast amounts more than we do, and 15 years later, I'm still waiting for my honeymoon!

Wedding presents originated in the days before people lived together, to help a couple set up a home as they were generally starting with nothing. I certainly don't see it as "ticket money" for being invited in the first place. This seems to be a relatively recent way of thinking.
I have no issue with giving people cash if they're doing work on their home and want to put money towards something more expensive, but I really abhor the money towards the honeymoon thing "we want to go on a holiday we can't afford so we'd like you to pay for it please". In what way is that setting up home?
God I'm old fashioned

It is acceptable to give NOTHING. You take them a card and a bottle of bubbly or a nice picture frame and you expect them to be grateful for it, the cheeky swaines.

Rude? I'm not the one not giving a present when going to a wedding. Now thats rude.

As other people have said, I'd rather give friends something they'd like, so I'd have no problem with giving money towards the honeymoon. I just think it's a nice thing to do, but if you don't feel like doing it then don't, I'm sure they won't be holding a grudge.

It's not about resenting giving a gift to celebrate a wedding. I think it's rude to attend a wedding without a gift.

It's about resenting the rudeness that is asking for cash towards an uneccesary luxury holiday. Especially when the rude request is made in the form of a twee, cringeworthy poem, because the b&g know they are being cheeky and don't have the balls to come out and ask in as polite a way as possible.

If I can't afford a holiday, I don't want to be paying for somebody elses. However I would have great pleasure in giving them something they need, or will enjoy in their marital home.

If you don't make a request, then you probably will end up recieveing money, as well as other lovely things. We were amazed at how generous people were ta our wedding, and it was lovely to know that those gifts had been given freely, with good grace, and not out of obligation.

I can't afford to buy a new toaster, or plates from John Lewis but I'd still buy them off a wedding list if someone had one. It makes no difference to me if it's a saucepan or a bit towards a holiday.

oh god here we go again, if you think its cheeky dont give them any thing. i really really can not understand this reluctance on the part of "friends" to give gifts to people. so what it they specify a preference. or is it the fact that you have only been invited to the evening. did i see right that a friend told you they wanted contributions to their honeymoon....so they havent even asked you.....? so you are doing this off your own back?

Gwen, the difference with a wedding list is that people often ask for them. And a well made list will provide options of things that can easily be afforded by the vast majority of people. My friend had things like baking trays on there for £3.00.

That way, the guest gets to know that they are giving something that is wanted in the form of a pysical gift that will get used.

If a request is made for money, many people would rather not go than be made to feel tight by giving a fiver that won't even get you half way to the airport.

I dont care if a zillion posters on here disagree I think it is damn rude to ask for any cash gift at a wedding. If you cant afford a honeymoon then dont have one.End of.

a contribution put together with a lot of other contribution would make a lot. that would get you lots for ie to the airport on a plane and to a beach hopefully, and again the bride and groom would know you only paid 3.00 pounds for a baking tray so really whats the difference?
the people that are saying i cant afford a holiday so why should i pay for theirs. well your not you are contributing towards their hoilday along with everyone else and because they are your family or friends and you love them and want them to be happy ...right?