or is it a bit cheeky to ask people who are only invited to your evening do to contribute towards your honeymoon?

[Smellyanne]

and if IABU how much is acceptable to give?

acat - you're right and these marriage present threads are the same as the ones for girl children with earrings.

The very threads that are a) very mumsnet but b)expose the multiculturalism of this site.

It's a bit cheeky to tell people they HAVE to contribute money towards a honeymoon whether they go to the entire reception or just the night do.

I think with these things it depends on how you know/close you are to the couple.

If they are your BFF's/sister/brother then totally I would contribute to the honeymoon if that was what they wanted, on the other hand if it was just a friend or someone from work then I would buy them a present of my choosing from my budget.

Really it's the type of people that expect gifts that piss me off iyswim?

I had this recently and got the note about presence being enough but if we really wanted to give a gift they would love to go on a honeymoon... We were happy to give money and thought it was a great cause! Much better than buying stuff they already had (2nd marriage for both) or tat. I can't remember whether we gave £20 or £30 but something like that. Was glad and wanted to give it and hoped they got enough for a lovely honeymoon.

I thought if it was a second marriage people were supposed to specify no presents? Or am I being out-dated on that one?

You took the words out my mouth Pippi.
I appreciate that most b&g have set up home already and don't need towels and toasters but it's cheeky and presumtious ask specifically to expect your guestd to fund your honeymoon. Makes me think that, should you go 'off list', your gift won't be appreciated.
I fear SIL is planning one of these lists ie. Invite comes with directions to their honeymoon website and you are invited to 'gift' honeymoon experiences or paypal money to them.

No, you are not out dated Love, you just have manners.

No presents should definately be specified for second marriages.

Slave0 manners for bloody what?

So if you are on second m

arriage (bloody hell - how awful and shameful) the have not right to a pressie? So UK is so uncool that we think a second marriage should just get on withouth any celbratation?
Oh my god - what kind of people do you know?

YANBU. The honeymoon should be all booked and paid for long before the wedding day, why would they want people to reimburse them? People should have the honeymoon they can afford, not expect guests to pay for it.
As an evening do guest you are on their "B" list, they didn't think you were importnt enough to invite to the main reception so they shouldn't be asking you for money. If you want to give something just give them £10. It's cheeky.

How rude! My evening guests are certainly NOT "B Listers" I just can't afford to have them ALL to dinner!

Money for honeymoon after the stress of organising a wedding, seems a much better idea to me than lots of household items most couples already have.
Also, last wedding I went to I suspect wedding was prelude to TTC. Why shouldn't couples want to enjoy time as a couple

i think the problem startail, is partly that they're only evening guests, so b-listers!

If I'm invited to a party, evening or day, I take a gift, if the invite specifically says 'no gifts please but a monetary donation towards our honeymoon would be lovely' then I see no issue.

Whether I agree is beside the point, if it irked me enough, I simply wouldn't go, but I wouldn't turn up giftless. Whatever you'd spend on a gift, put in the card. I've given between £15 and £50 this year at various 'dos'.

I wasn't trying to say "they spent this much money so you must buy a gift". I was just pointing out that a lot of people seem to think an "evening only" ticket is rather cheapskate when they get quite expensive now

One would have thought, Love! I completely agree. Second 'wedding', um off to the registry office with family and then dinner after, I'd have thought, but hey, everyone now feels entitled to money, holidays paid for by guests, etc. all because they are getting married. It's their 'day' and all.

Where is all this 'weddings are expensive' coming from? They are as expensive as the bride and groom choose for them to be. Evening do definitely B lister 'I wanted you to celebrate give me money my big daybut too cheap to stump up for dinner and drinks,' under the pretext the event is something that one should be grateful to be given the opportunity to celebrate.

I agree with mistyvalley. I prefer giving cash anyway and once I've given it over I couldn't care less what they do with it. They can spend it on their home, their honeymoon or use it to pay their gas bill. It's up to them.

SansaLanister - why? They had a huge splendid wedding, the mother of his children had the dress of her dreams,he is a much loved teacher and all the old pupils who had been in his drama groups wrote and put on a special play for the event, a great time was had by all.

I really hope my don't come to the church but come to the reception guests didn't feel second fiddle! Our church was tiny wee and family took precident, we didn't just invite to the evening doooooooo we invited for the whole reception to the actual bit that cost us shed loads. Its by the by though as people phoned my mum and were given the info. I don't like giving money but one friend and his wife were really keen on a piece of art - not something silly but a landscape of where he proposed to her, well out of their "budget" for an everyday purchase, they gave this as an option to contribute to, or a charitable donation in their name. I actually gave them a present as I didn't want to be one of many but that was my choice and actually people really loved it and were able to say when they go round that they contributed to it even in a small way but am not keen on the honeymoon thing myself, probably because we really really saved for ours and booked it really last minute so am probably just jealous

My evening guests were not B-listers! Our wedding cost around £2.000 including my dress from Ebay which was £50. My parents helped out alot and we pulled in as many favours as we could but it was impossible to invite everyone to the daytime meal that did not mean we though less of them it was just the way it had to be with our budget.

Evening do's are definitely a very English thing, mostly.

If we get invited to them, we feel second tier and decline.

If you can't afford this big shindig of a wedding, don't have it.

Giveitago - manners for asking for presents, not once, but twice!

You don't have a right to a present at a first marriage, so you certainly don't have a right to one at a second!

I'm not belittling second marriages, I'm on my second big relationship, didn't marry the guy I had dc with, but am married now. It's nothing to do with second relationships not being good enough for presents, it's to do with the fact that if it's rude to ask once, it's doubly rude to ask twice!

AS most people generally set up home together before marrying, there is usually very little they need if they eventually get married.
I would rather give money to something of use (ie collection towards new kitchen/telly/honeymoon than give something that would sit unused in a cupboard

If invited to the evening do, you'd take a present (as you would for a christening, bday party, or similar). If they've asked for honeymoon donations, surely that's easier to do than think of a pressie. As for amount, I'd say £20 for evening do.

But as someone upthread says, maybe they are BU having an evening do at all ...

We once got an evening only invitation that included a wedding list. I thought this was cheeky so planned to buy a small token gift instead. The bride started getting really arsey with me when i didn't buy anything and in the lead up to the wedding kept texting me saying "Can you choose which gift you are buying us ASAP" so we didn't go to the wedding.