or is it a bit cheeky to ask people who are only invited to your evening do to contribute towards your honeymoon?

[Smellyanne]

and if IABU how much is acceptable to give?

I wouldn't expect you to, Anais.

are you able to explain - I'll try

Explain what, Anais? It is always rude to stipulate what you want people to give you money as a gift. Simples.

Sansa - we once went to a wedding in a marquee at the bride's parents house which had a cash bar. Was literally the naffest thing I had ever encountered. Surely one of the big advantages of a wedding at home is that it makes the booze so much more affordable? I do have slightly more sympathy for cash bars, especially for spirits, after the meal if it's a hotel as it becomes so expensive (I still think good form to only invite the number of guests you can actually afford to cater for, however). I was v pissed off to go to a wedding where the only booze provided (other than the cash bar) was half a glass of warm Pimms before the meal (during the 3 hour photos...) and Not Enough wine on the table, when the couple spent £10k on their honeymoon...

'No gifts, please' if you don't need or want anything.

Off out now, but in response to OP. I probably wouldn't (didn't in fact) but wouldn't care if someone else did. I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to give whatever you want (including nothing) even though they requested honeymoon donation.

I don't understand why people think it's always doing a guests such a great favour to invite them to their over-priced wedding (that they chose to have!) and therefore guests should pay the equivalent of the cost to the host, fund a holiday and be grateful for it. But of course, I suppose it's the whole rise of the Bridezilla.

and explain why you see a donation to a honeymoon as financial gain, but not a present. As I said, I don't see the difference.

I quite agree! You are basically inviting people to a party. When you invite people to something, you are inviting them for their company, not to recoup the cost of feeding them from the gift they bring. It's seriously weird, rude behaviour. If you want to make a profit or break even for hosting a party, then put on a ball and sell tickets.

I have already explained, but you keep asking me to 'explain' or justify to you somehow because you 'don't see the difference'? Huh?

What form do you see the honeymoon donation taking if not cash, Anais? It is asking for cash that is rude.

DS1 had a lovely maths teacher who also dealt with all the school drama productions. He had lived with his partner for many years and they had three children, the oldest was about 12. When they eventually married they sent round a poem saying that they didn't want presents but as they had not had a good holiday for years they would appreciate a donation for a family holiday rather than a present. DS1 was highly delighted to be invited to the wedding ( he had left school by then) and very happy to chip in for the holiday rather than have to go off to John Lewis in search of crockery. I thought this was an OK thing to say, surely if you are going to spend something on the bride and groom you would want to ensure they were getting what would make them happiest. I wouldn't give as much if I was just invited in the evening, but I'd still give about £20 ( £50 if it was the wedding too) .

I work in the wedding industry and personally i'd say it's cheeky to ask for anything but that is very much a personal opinion. I don't think there is anything wrong in putting the word out though that Thomas Cook vouchers or whatever is your preferred thing. However, if I was only invited to the evening do a bottle of champagne or a small gift that i'd chosen myself would be all I would be getting the B&G. I am also very anti those poems that some people put in invites. I can't abide them. When I got married my view was that I had everything yeah, we had two toasters, two ironing boards etc. etc so when anybody asked where my "gift list was" I just said I didn't have one but if you feel you want to generous enough to buy us a gift then vouchers for any high street furniture type shop or a lovely gift of your own choosing would be very much appreciated. I never put anything at all in the invites. In fact lots of people bought us gifts and it was fantastic to open presents on the day and see what people had bought us. There are tons of lovely gifts you can buy these days that aren't the usual toaster/pans/towel type gifts. We got some beautiful photo frames and enough champagne to last us three years!

"a lovely gift of your own choosing " I've been married 27 years and I've still got plenty of those - including some bright pink flanalette sheets - in the attic!

Yes, we are still drinking the champagne people gave us as well, and we've been married 18 months!

'He had lived with his partner for many years and they had three children, the oldest was about 12. When they eventually married they sent round a poem saying that they didn't want presents but as they had not had a good holiday for years they would appreciate a donation for a family holiday rather than a present. '

Good grief! 12 years and 3 children together, slip off to the Registry or go to church with just family present. FGS, have some decorum!

I don't mind giving money or present off list once I've asked what the couple want. I'm not that impressed when the request falls out of the invitation. That's when I dust down a bottle of bubbly from the wine rack.

haha! Yes higgle we did get some erm "lovely gifts" too that did give us a laugh but the majority of them were well thought out.

I once got an invitation that had the couple's bank account number and sort code. Suffice to say they got a £10 Argos voucher.

My wording goes:

"We have no wedding list - the pleasure of your company is all we expect! If you did want to give us anything, we would be grateful for a small amount of money placed in a card to wish us well, which will be donated to xxx Hospital?s Neuro Unit in memory of Fanjo?s mum who can?t be there to share the big day."

Is this offensive?

Fanjo - no, I think charity requests are quite different. That is a really lovely idea and I am so sorry that you won't be able to share the day with your mother.

Phew, the invites have already gone out!

Wow - this money as gift has been done to death.

In my very substantial experience I'll say - CASH GIFT IS SO BLOODY NORMAL IT'S BORING.

Just on Mumsnet where the entire 'I'm so bloody multicultural' shite says's no - it's bad - it's taking the piss - it's not normal.

Do what you think suits you.

But in the entire world - majority don't do whole ceremony and then only evening do- that's really british.

10 years ago I went to wedding of my boss - they wanted money (she irish background and he scottish background) - it did cause quite a stir amongst the anglo saxon guests.

These threads really do bring out the miserable side of people! I'll be honest that I don't appreciate a gift list / being asked for a pressie if I'm only invited to the evening do, but I don't have an issue with lists if I'm invited to to the whole day.
Nor do I have an issue with just being invited to the evening do, as some people seem to have. Wedding are extortionately expensive, so what is wrong with asking people to come along to the party bit in the evening so you can still have them take part in some of the day, have a lovely time catching up with them, but without having to pay £50-60 quid for the privilege? Lots of couple have friends who they want to be part of their day but who couldn't afford a whole day do for 100-150 people.
OP how did the subject of presents come up? I'm hoping that you asked so they told you. If they just said "oh by the way we'd like money as a present" then yes I would think that was rude!

Cash as gifts

1. Saves time and effort
2. Avoids waste

What's not to like, really?

Yes, if the people you are giving to are greedy and grasping then that's annoying, but it would be annoying to give them anything that costs you money, surely. Annoying even to spend time in their company if you really don't like them. Nothing stopping you getting them something foul for your own entertainment if you so choose though.