or is it a bit cheeky to ask people who are only invited to your evening do to contribute towards your honeymoon?

[Smellyanne]

and if IABU how much is acceptable to give?

We got married in July. Yes we had the poem in all invites and yes we asked for money towards our honeymoon. We've been together for 16 years and have everything we need for our home. Our kids have never had a holiday abroad so we just thought why not ask nicely and be able to take them with us on a lovely family holiday. All our guests seemed happy, as I have been when I've given cash at a wedding. Still couldn't afford it straight after the wedding wow the prices in the holidays are crazy! Hopefully going away at the end of October.

I have mentioned this before but over here people actually put their bank details on to invitations so that you can contribute to the honeymoon or their bank balance. ALL the wedding invitations I have received this year include bank details.

I hate it. It's crass and rude and embarassing. Some of us can't afford big cash gifts and feel bad about paying only 20?. We feel judged. It's horrible.

I am another cash gift hater. I think if you're only invited to the evening do it's fine to give a little token present - something like a candle holder.

"only invited to your evening do".

I feel obliged to point out that most venues now insist on couples catering for 100% of their evening guests and most evening buffets start at at least a tenner per head with £13 being average ime. Add the cost of a DJ at at least £300 and you're looking at an evening do costing quite a bit of money

lollilou-my dcs have never had a holiday abroad either-do you want to pay for one for them? or is that rude of me to ask?

I'm not mad keen on the idea of being asked for cash as a gift. But to be asked via a sickly poem with a play on the word "presents" would really make me heave.

I'm curious. Those that have issues with how requests for gifts/vouchers/cash are worded or when they are included with the invite, etc... are these for weddings of close family/friends? Or mostly for people slightly further out in your circle.

I only ask because with close family and friends, you generally KNOW them quite well and know what they want or don't fret over giving cash or whatever. But seems like a lot of these issues crop up when the bride/groom are not so close to the OP. So I'm wondering if that's the case...

DH and I have lived together for many years so we had a gift list with Oxfam Unwrapped so all our guests bought charity gifts for those that genuinely need them. Our guests loved it and said it was so much fun buying goats, training up a teacher or buying a bicycle for a midwife. Inlaws were most put out that we didn't ask for money and when DH's sister got married this year they asked for money and inlaws rubbed their hands in glee when counting it all up and tried to rub our noses in it by saying that we had missed out on getting thousands of pounds. So vulgar. I hate the idea of asking for money for this very reason.

Bloody hell, some people are rude! Just seen the mention above about couples putting their bank details on invitations. I loathe people requesting cash and it does affect my opinion of friends (thankfully, very few) who have done it. To my vast relief, no-one has yet accompanied the request with a poem, but I am not sure the friendship could survive it .

And so blimmin' what if the couple are paying for a buffet for evening guests? You're not actually buying entrance with a gift of equal value .

This seems like a good present choice, OP.

I too loathe people asking for money - it's unbelievably vulgar.

We have been the recipients of a little 'ditty' asking for cash included in an evening invitation.

We didn't go.

triggles you do have a point. Last year we were invited to three weddings. One was a family member who I see all the time, so had talked to about what kind of things she would like (she hadn't made a list or any reference to a gift or money in the invite, but I wanted to get her something). I spent about £40 on something she had told me she would love to have and was happy to buy it.

The other two weddings were for a distant relative we never see and for somebody my H went to school with 20 years ago and has only seen a couple of times since. Both invites were for the evening do, and both requested money. We found both requests a bit of a piss-take TBH.

I PREFER giving cash for selfish and lazy reasons - it's a lot quicker to stuff a £20 note in an envelope than faff around with a wedding list, or worse, spend ages at the shops trying to guess what they want and which doesn't look too cheap .

In my experience people word it along the lines of 'look we really don't expect a gift, but if you want to give something then funds towards X would be very much appreciated as we already have a house-full of stuff'.

And I do try and give something like the equivalent of what it would have cost them to 'host' me, in the same way as you'd bring a bottle of wine or two to a dinner party.

To me, contributions towards honeymoon cost is no 'ruder' than a wedding list. I don't have a problem with it. I would be happy to be giving a gift that is really useful to the couple.

But then, I'm nice like that

you cant go to a wedding empty handed, you cant

why would you even want to?

for day do I'd gove £50 and fort evening only £20 odd

and why not give money, would you rather but them something that you like, but they may not like?

whats the issue? Its tradition

It isn't "tradition" to demand cash from your guests. At least not in the UK, which is, AFAIK, where the OP is.

Taking a present is traditional. Demanding cash, especially in the form of some vile poem, is just rude.

I find it really distasteful that a wedding gift is viewed in relation to how much has been spent by the bride and groom. You ask people to your wedding because you want them to be there and to share in your day; not because you can 'milk' them for cash or expensive gifts.

I also find the custom of asking for money at weddings vulgar; so I don't give money.

did they demand cash?

or did OP ask and get told "well if you want to give a gift, contribution to honeymoon would be nice"

i read the latter

^"Add message | Report | Message poster Smellyanne Mon 19-Sep-11 12:30:33
My friend told me verbally that they were asking for money towards the honeymoon..."^

Given that the friend must have know the OP was not going to turn up with nothing, that sounds a lot like a demand for cash to me...

"known" and also italics fail...

We did NOT demand cash. All of the guests at our wedding were close friends and family people who we love/like very much. It was their choice to contribute towards a holiday with our kids. Pinkforever no one guest was asked to pay for our honeymoon, if they wanted to they could add a little something to the fund.

Bro-in-law got married last week . Best wedding id been to in long time.
Bride wore dress she got for £80 off ebay.
I did flowers
everyone went back to her mums for buffet and party in garden.
Both mums did the buffet and provided some drinks.

It was more about two people celebrating getting married instead of bride being a princess for a day . Just lovely imo.
Was bring a bottle /no gifts required .

They kept it simple and spent the money on a honeymoon instead .

EXCELLENT !

Any guest is also at liberty to give a gift instead of cash if they really object to cash though, surely? They're not going to be stopped at the door and get sent home for bearing a giftwrapped present.

YANBU.

I'd decline the invite.

And now it seems they're all trying to do it by stealth with, 'If you'd like to get as anything, then cash/honeymoon fund.'

Bollocks.

Either have the balls to be honest and say you want money or say you don't need anything and mean it.

I had forgotten this but Misty's post has just reminded me...anyone else remember the thread where someone had received an invitation saying "no boxed gifts"... translating as cash... now that really tops the remarkable rudeness charts .