or is it a bit cheeky to ask people who are only invited to your evening do to contribute towards your honeymoon?

[Smellyanne]

and if IABU how much is acceptable to give?

jeez i would be really annoyed. i wouldn't dream of asking for a contribution.

i'm not sure i'd bother going tbh.

I cannot imagine attending an evening dow ithout giving a gift, and if they ask for money so be it. Aunt asked for Thomas Cook vouchers for ehr wedding present and I was happy that she was getting a decent holiday. She was pushing 70, I assume she has enough toasters.

No embarassment factor for who have how much as we all (side of family) shoved our contribuitions in an envelope and handed over together.

I just hate present-choosing with a vengeance. Also hate the thought that my hard earned cash is going a gifts that will be wasted as the recipient doesn't like it. Yes that's their problem, but the thought still irks me.

If you object to giving cash / a gift at all, then don't give one. Most people WILL feel they should though.

I do think that specifically saying something like 'no boxed gifts' is rude though (and a bit confusing).

SansaLannister how is that doing anything by stealth? They are being truthful and realistic. If people don't wan't to get a present then fine (although pretty unusual) if they do then some money to the honeymoon would be lovely).

Plus, the whole point presents is to buy something that people wouldn't buy for themselves - a treat - isn't it?

I'm old fashioned, too, shesparkles. All this, 'Well, nowadays people cohabitate for years before marrying and have a toaster already.' Grand, then you don't need a gift.

But I still find having a big white wedding when you have kids in tow tacky, too, much less then asking for money for the holiday you can't afford (Oh, but we never get a holiday! So what? How is it a right?) in the invite. Yuk.

Because if you don't needs gifts, Anais, then you don't need them, including money.

You say, 'NO gifts' over and over and over again.

The whole, 'No gifts but well, cash if you want to get us something' is rude as hell.

Here we go again.....

The professional Wedding Offence Takers will be out in force.

If you are offended by a wedding invitation then don't go.

I went to an evening do last weekend and gladly wrote out a cheque for £25 if that's what they wanted most. Saved me thinking what else to get as well.

I read the OP posts to imply that the b&g have not formally asked for money (ie. in the invite) but have mentioned verbally that they don't have a wedding list but are saving for a honeymoon.

Not sure what is wrong with that. Tbh I wish I'd done the same. We ended up with half a dinner set we couldn't afford the other half of from the 50% of people who requested a wedding list, and 4 coffee makers from the people who chose their own gifts (plus lots of other lovely gifts from very close friends/family).

but surely a gift should be something you don't need?

It should be nothing, Anais, if you don't need anything then you don't need anything.

Oh, same rule for Christmas, birthdays and visiting friends?

Well I didn't need 4 coffee makers AnaisB, so it must have been the perfect gift. Plus neither DH or I drink coffee!

I always think reading these threads that the whole thread knows that asking for cash is rude but that half the thread can't admit they know that because they or someone they're very close to did it . I freely admit that I am probably giving half the thread too much credit though .

I would give a cheque but by god would I tut whilst writing it. And I may break the paper by scrawling my signature as it'd be vitriolic.

HTH.

You give out lists or request cash from your mates for Christmas and birthdays then? You throw an extravaganza for Christmas and birthdays every year and tell people to pay you for it? How odd. But, I suppose, it's a handy vehicle for getting a free holiday out of them.

give a present if you want. Sure they wouldn't mind. Get them some suncream - they'll probably need it.

Exactly, Love!

Cross post.

No I don't. Because it is not the norm.

Better yet, Smellyanne, don't go. Evening do's are tacky, anyway. Bridezillas have them and then spraff twaddle about what a wonderful way it is for everyone to celebrate buy them stuff raise funds and how they couldn't afford for everyone to come to the meal (hmm, then have a small wedding and invite all guests along to the entire reception).

And neither is it the norm to ask for cash as a wedding present.

Oh, but it's 'the norm' for people to use a wedding as a vehicle for financial gain. Okay. I suppose it is, if you're a grasping, tacky person.

Sansa - are we the same person? I am also opposed to evening only invitations. How do you feel about cash bars?

is a honeymoon is financial gain, then aren't all presents? I can't see how it's different.

I don't drink if it's a cash bar because they're a rip off.

'if' not 'is'