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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that nursery owner shouldn't be shouting at my son?

105 replies

justlookatthatbooty · 15/09/2011 21:06

My 2 dc's wouldn't put their shoes on at pick up time. I had been there 20 minutes looking at things they had been playing with and it was time for shoes on so I started gently and moved towards firm after 10 mins of messing about. AT which point the silly owner said to my son that pick up time isn't for mother's to come and play with their children at the nursery it's time for children to put their shoes on. Bit silly but fair enough, whatever. Then with a little more rebellion from my 3 year old who kept giggling and running away from shoes, She abruptly yelled at him from other side of the room with seemingly genuine agression "JOSHUA... NOW I AM GOING TO GET REALLY ANGRY..!!!" There were still 3 other kids there without their parents having arrived and it was an hour before closing time. It was sheer behaviour control and it felt like she was butting into my own moment with the kids which actually had absolutely feck all to do with her.
Son looked really shocked and tearful and slinked as far away from her as he could and put his shoes on but not like it made any sense.

Sad.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 15/09/2011 21:07

Id wonder how she talks to him when you aren't there.

NotFromConcentrate · 15/09/2011 21:10

I'd wonder exactly the same as FabbyChic.

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2011 21:10

I don't think she handled the situation as best she could, but I think she wasn't BU to be firm about how long you're there at pick up time.

She wasn't 'butting in' to your moment with your children, she was at work and trying to get on with things, you should have your moments outside the nursery.

WoofToYouTooLady · 15/09/2011 21:11

well your aggressive shouting might have been her firm voice

you were looking at stuff they had been playing with? was it a kind of open day? otherwise, you see, you had half an hour of free care if you were looking for 20 mins then had 10 mins of shilly shallying with the shoes

not silly to say time to put your shoes on, why is it silly?

guzzlepuzzle · 15/09/2011 21:11

Hmm its a tough one. I work in childcare and what happens is the children are generally brilliantly behaved ..parents arrived and they mis behave and parent cant control them .Sometimes i will be a little sharper to help the parent get them home..I never shout at the children but they know the difference between my normal voice and my "I mean it" one. I would keep an eye on it.

Original poster
justlookatthatbooty · 15/09/2011 21:11

he is not happy there
so i want to take him out
i have given notice
but it's a two month notice period @ 2k a month (the frauding cheats) and I can't afford to pay for 2 places
ah shit dilemma
heart is sad and torn

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/09/2011 21:12

Sounds like you need to take a leaf out of her book. :)

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2011 21:12

I'd be wondering what she's like when you're not there too, could be passed off as her having a bad day, but could be how she deals with the children if she doesn't see anything wrong with being like that in front of a parent.

amIbeingdaft · 15/09/2011 21:12

It does sound like she was agressive, which is not good. But on the other hand...your child messed about for ten minutes before you 'moved towards being firm'? Really?

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 15/09/2011 21:13

She was wrong to shout but seriously, you allowed 10 minutes of arsing around avoiding putting shoes on?!

If pick up is say 12 midday then why should you be there at 1220 whilst staff have other things to do?

NotFromConcentrate · 15/09/2011 21:13

If there is an issue with how long parents spend at the nursery at drop-off/pick-up time, then that should be addressed with the parents.

I wouldn't be happy with the owner of my younget son's nursery yelling at him like that. Also, what was helpful or constructive about "I am going to get really angry"? What, was he supposed to be scared enough to doa s he was asked?

Tchootnika · 15/09/2011 21:14

I think it sounds as if she was trying to project an image of 'being organised'. I've seen reception teachers do this when 'outsiders' are around, and IMHO it just smacks of low confidence.
Not ideal, and had exactly the opposite effect from what she wanted, but as AZ says, probably just her way of trying to be (or at least look) organised.

NotFromConcentrate · 15/09/2011 21:15

(I must admit though, I wouldn't have allowed 10 minutes of messing around. But I am evil strict)

littleducks · 15/09/2011 21:15

I wouldnt be happy with shouting, staff at ds' nursery never shout, they use firm voices and consequences

Tbf I wouldnt hang around for twenty minutes asking ds to put his shoes on, he played up today actually but I took him outside the nursery, so they could get on with their work while I dealt with him

Sirzy · 15/09/2011 21:15

After you being 'gentle' with them for 10 mins I can't say I blame her for being a bit more firm. She probably didn't want silly "put your shoes on" games going on all day!!

It was in her nursery so Im not sure how you can say it had nothing to do with her either.

If DS wont put his shoes on I dont give him a choice. I sit him down and do it!

winnybella · 15/09/2011 21:15

What squeakytoy said.

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2011 21:16

How did you react at the time justlook?

How have the other parents found her to be with their children?

If you're thinking of keeping him there for a bit, you're going to have to have a word with her about it or you'll be constantly worrying about your DS.

amIbeingdaft · 15/09/2011 21:18

You see...and I'll probably be flamed for this...I don't believe she shouted in the way some of us are imagining she did.

I think that someone who considers 10 minutes disobedience normal would probably view a 'firm' voice as aggressive shouting.

RitaMorgan · 15/09/2011 21:19

She shouldn't have shouted, but why were you there messing about for 20 minutes? Pick up time = collect your kids and go.

Your children behaving badly and you being totally ineffectual was probably really irritating her.

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2011 21:20

I know what you mean amI, I kind of have a 'twang' in my voice when I'm being firm, DD1 recognises it's worth as a warning before I get all shouty Grin

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 15/09/2011 21:22

I am leaning towards amibeingdaft .....

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2011 21:25

So was it a window rattling bark justlook, or a firm edge to her voice?

Tchootnika · 15/09/2011 21:25

Hmmm... if the issue was the OP piddling around, then why did she 'shout' at DC?
I don't think it sounds like such a big deal, other than that (as has been said), if you don't feel so confident about her, you need to keep an eye out/keep assessing (obv).
Perhaps DC looked shocked just because he was playing with you (so it was OK), so why should another adult come along and give him short shrift?
It just sounds like crossed wires/end of day, I think.

Miette · 15/09/2011 21:26

It sounds like she was fuming with you because she wants parents to take children straight home rather than 20 mins pottering around plus 10 mins unsuccessfully trying to get shoes on. Maybe she thinks the pottering is disturbing what they are trying to do with the children who still have an hour left at the nursery. Telling your son this and yelling aggressively is obviously not the right way to deal with it though. She should have calmly raised the issue with you.

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 15/09/2011 21:26

She had to be firm (which she was) to make you get a wriggle on. You dilly-dallying at the nursery for the time you did was UR. Home time is home time.

These people have a job to do, and other kids to give their attention to.

It would drive me potty.