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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that nursery owner shouldn't be shouting at my son?

105 replies

justlookatthatbooty · 15/09/2011 21:06

My 2 dc's wouldn't put their shoes on at pick up time. I had been there 20 minutes looking at things they had been playing with and it was time for shoes on so I started gently and moved towards firm after 10 mins of messing about. AT which point the silly owner said to my son that pick up time isn't for mother's to come and play with their children at the nursery it's time for children to put their shoes on. Bit silly but fair enough, whatever. Then with a little more rebellion from my 3 year old who kept giggling and running away from shoes, She abruptly yelled at him from other side of the room with seemingly genuine agression "JOSHUA... NOW I AM GOING TO GET REALLY ANGRY..!!!" There were still 3 other kids there without their parents having arrived and it was an hour before closing time. It was sheer behaviour control and it felt like she was butting into my own moment with the kids which actually had absolutely feck all to do with her.
Son looked really shocked and tearful and slinked as far away from her as he could and put his shoes on but not like it made any sense.

Sad.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Tanith · 15/09/2011 21:28

I'd love to hear the nursery owner's side of things. I wonder if it'd include phrases like "ineffectual", "wet", "poorly-disciplined", "time-wasting" and "frustrating"? Oh, and "thank goodness they're leaving soon".

TiggyD · 15/09/2011 21:29

Your child had 10 minutes of being in control of you. The owner said one sentence and your child did what he was supposed to be doing.

BatsUpMeNightie · 15/09/2011 21:29

Agree with squeakytoy - you sound a bit away with the fairies. Children need to know that when it's time to put shoes on it's time to put the bloody shoes on not run crazy and play with mummy. Maybe she didn't shout really but you perceived it as such because you've never actually been firm with them?

LynetteScavo · 15/09/2011 21:32

You moved towards firm after 10 minutes of messing about??????

I think she shouted be because it appeared you had no control over your own DC.

Lindax · 15/09/2011 21:34

I had been there 20 minutes looking at things they had been playing with and it was time for shoes on so I started gently and moved towards firm after 10 mins of messing about.

Had you been there for 20 mins of looking then a further 10 mins of messing about? 30 minutes of hanging about at pickup time is a bit long.......is this normal at this nursery? will be a busy place at pickup time if every parent did that.

Tchootnika · 15/09/2011 21:34

Ooof! How the posters are turning on OP!
Still doesn't explain why poor wee 3yo got the nursery workers short shrift.
Surely if OP was as irritating as you're all saying then nursery worker should have told her off?

Nanny0gg · 15/09/2011 21:35

This often happens at after-school clubs.
Staff want to leave and go home, but children take no notice of their mums who are trying to get them dressed.
One 'look' and a firm 'Get your shoes on when mummy asks you to.' and the hall is cleared in a trice.

Stop faffing and get your child organised.

hocuspontas · 15/09/2011 21:36

I know it was an hour before closing but the thought of another 60 minutes of 'please put your shoes on' probably took her over the edge.

From another perspective, she may have thought she was doing you a favour. I mean, it worked, didn't it?

banana87 · 15/09/2011 21:37

She didn't have to shout. I would be cross at her shouting, and I probably wouldn't want to send my DC back there :( YANBU.

pigletmania · 15/09/2011 21:37

Exactly Tiggy, mabey op can take a leaf out of the Nursery owners book, instead of wet parenting. Not saying shouting which I don't believe this owner did, but being super firm and standing no nonsense. My goodness when I was at Primary school many moons ago, well 23 to be precise, if a teacher spoke to you in a harsh way boy you listened and did as you were told. I do pretend to do my growly voice with dd when I want her to do something (tidy up, pick up things that she has dropped, put on shoes, and coat etc, or generally naughty behaviour0

SuePurblybilt · 15/09/2011 21:39

I have watched staff turn off lights and stand with their coats on, watching mothers coax children to put coats on or finish a packed lunch in their own time, half an hour after everyone else has left. Every time I see it, I am baffled as to what the mothers are thinking.

20 minutes of looking at toys and another ten to get shoes on? Would you expect the parents collecting at closing time to do that too?

Sandalwood · 15/09/2011 21:40

"I think that someone who considers 10 minutes disobedience normal would probably view a 'firm' voice as aggressive shouting."

True

As far as the nursery were concerned you were there half an hour. That is pretty wishy-washy to not be able to get shoes on and leave. ....and, she did get his shoes on.

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2011 21:41

But without going into why she thinks the OP was ineffective in getting her DS to do as he was asked Tchoot (which definately would not be her job) all she was left with was taking the OPs DS in hand (as she must have to do all the time, not because he's being 'naughty' all day or anything, but because he's at her nursery).

RitaMorgan · 15/09/2011 21:44

The nursery owner probably did think she was helping the OP - I've worked in nurseries where staff have had to go out and help parents coax their children into cars!

slavetofilofax · 15/09/2011 21:46

Sorry, but it was something to do with her when you have been hanging around for twenty minutes.

Thanks to you, she was probably going to be late leaving.

If it has taken your son twenty minutes to get his shoes on, 10 of which you have been being firm () then it was about time somebody raised their voice in a cross tone and told him that his behaviour was going to make her angry.

I don't see how you can complain, whatever you were doing obviously wasn't working.

griphook · 15/09/2011 21:46

Just out of interest, where were all the other children from the nursery. were they listening to you faffing around trying to get your child's shoes on, maybe your children was distracting them?. Also why are they frauding cheats, surely you read your terms and conditions before starting nursery.

Often parents will faff around at nursery trying to get their children out, and don't think they always realise how disruptive this can be for the other children.

pigletmania · 15/09/2011 21:47

Its funny how when I put my growly voice on, alter my language (firm language not swearing btw), and and change my facial expression to angry looking, how fast things get done with dd. Gosh will be permanently in angry mode for dd to get things done

Tchootnika · 15/09/2011 21:48

Yes, AZ, but there are different ways of doing this.
If DS was with another adult, then surely it's not fair to have a go at him (if this is what she did). AS SuePurb has said, some staff would stand around making it clear to parents that it's time to go. More time consuming, perhaps, but at least not barking at DCs who aren't, as far as they know, doing anything wrong.

I think it all sounds fairly trivial, but still, I don't think it's great practice to snap at small children who are apparently being encouraged to do what they're doing by another adult.

DialMforMummy · 15/09/2011 21:48

YABU and you want move your son because of that? Or is it a different issue?

frutilla · 15/09/2011 21:49

If it was an hour before closing and 3 kids were still waiting for parents, it doesn't sound like OP was overstaying. Some nurseries have wide time margins, it depends.
Still think teacher should have addressed OP's son in a firm talking voice before shouting. I was assistant in a v expensive and snooty London nursery for a short time and one of the teachers was really out of line with the kids when parents weren't around. Shouting, aggressive, shaking one boy, but was sweet as pie round parents. So I'd guess this one's bark is worse than her bite.

WoofToYouTooLady · 15/09/2011 21:50

still waiting for OP to clarify what she was looking at for 20 mins before the 10 mins of arsing around with the shoes

and why is the notice period only now a problem? and calling the nursery frauding cheats, goodness me

OddBoots · 15/09/2011 21:50

I don't like shouting at people and don't agree with shouting, it is wrong that your son got shouted at rather than the owner talking to you about the situation.

As others have said it is surprising that you were hanging around so long at the end of a session, particularly when there were children there whose parents hadn't yet arrived, it can often be upsetting to children when other children are going home and she may have noticed the signs of this happening.

Is there any chance you are seeing this as a bigger thing than it is because you resent paying up your contract?

RitaMorgan · 15/09/2011 21:51

Nurseries aren't set up for parents to hang around though - even if it wasn't about to close, the staff and other children should have been able to continue their day in peace.

TiggyD · 15/09/2011 21:52

This sort of pick up and drop off time can be a nightmare for us staff. A lot of time the child realises they can get up to all sorts of misbehaviour they wouldn't dare do in the day because they know their parents won't tell them off, but can the staff? What do you do with a child who has just emptied a jar of glitter everywhere while mum watches disinterestedly? Do you discipline them when their parents are stood right in front of them? "Our nursery our rules"?
We just want parents to drop off and pick up as quickly as possible so the children can't take advantage of us using their wet parents.

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2011 21:54

It's that weird time Tchoot, when there's a swap over of authority between the teacher/nursery and parent, as soon as the parent is there, the child becomes their responsibility.

But how long does the nursery owner wait to see that kick in before she takes it into her own hands and uses a firm voice she knows will get the OPs DS to do as he's asked and her home to put up her feet and get a large glass of wine ?

The OP didn't seem in any hurry to get off, or to answer any of the questions raised on her thread.

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