To not straighten my hair after my boss telling me to?

[katecreate]

I work as a concierge and thus always on view to the public. I also have curly hair. Today, my boss took me aside to tell me that my hair looks unkempt as it is and that it would be in the interest of me keeping the job to straighten it!

Now, my hair get a bit frizzy sometimes but is otherwise well maintained. It is naturally curly and I like it that way. I told my boss (politely) where to stick it and he just said that I agreed when I signed my contract to be presentable and I should suck it up (he would like to wear a beard but it would be frowned upon apparently ...not the same thing either!). That he takes a dim view of me arguing with him.

I think he is totally wrong to ask me to change something about myself and that it is verging on the discrimatory. However, I also know how difficult it would be to find another job too in this market. I know the job centre would take a dim view of getting sacked!

Thoughts?

Asking you to straighten your hair is unreasonable. But making sure you look presentable is absolutely normal in the hospitality industry. A lot of big hotels have line ups at the start of each shift so the general manager or department head can make sure that everyone looks smart before they go and meet the customers.

I have wavy hair and the hair nearest my forehead never grows longer than about 2-3 inches. And if I tie my hair back, these bits never reach the ponytail and end up sticking out at 90 degrees to my head, looking very scruffy. No amount of product will make them lie down. What works for me is parting the the hair in the centre or on the side and putting it in a low ponytail that way. Somehow the longer hair seems to keep the whispy straggly bits under control that way. Could you try that?

Being asked to neaten your appreance is very different from being told to straighten your hair. The first is a resonable request the second is descrimination (this is according to a friend who specialises in employment law).

A few posters earlier mentioned not using shampoo but just conditioner. Can I ask how this works/your routine?
I have very curly hair but struggle to find a decent shampoo that I am not allergic too. However most conditioners are no problem.
This also means I can't use products on my hair unless for a very special occasion so I just have too put it back/up on frizzy hair days.

My eldest DD is the same and the last time she had her hair cut the hairdresser spent at least 40mins straightening her hair. Less than an hour later it began to frizz and then curl. No way would I be waisting time and money on a hair style that wouldn't stay neat for an hour!

eurochick I have that too at the sides. The hair there just doesn't grow and so with my hair up it sticks out sideways.

I'm glad it's not just me!

I would just like to say thankyou to everyone for being so nice

I'm back in work tomorrow and will update you on what happens- all I know is that there is NO way that I'm straightening my hair....Nor will I be shaving my head controlpants

@CoteDAzur I just don't think you get it.

@Cadsuane Google curly girl. It's a book/ website that tells you how to look after specifcally curly hair. I'd recommend it to anyone with curly hair- it really works! There are certain ingredients in all shampoos and some conditioners that aren't compatible with curly hair and add to frizz etc. It's all about avoiding these. It'll change your curly life, I swear!

@WhoseGotMyEyebrows

Thanks, will check out that curl cream and see if I can add it to my armoury

Found the book but can't see the website.

Another one with naturally curly hair here.... I don't like it and think it can look very untidy, very quickly. I'm lucky that when I straighten it, it stays straight and I have to say it looks a heck of a lot better like that.

Regardless of whether you love your hair or not, if you wore it in a bun that obviously wasn't the issue but the 'loose curls'... just how mad and loose were they and how many of them?

If I were in your position, I'd explain to my boss that my hair is very curly, I don't want to straighten it so what style would he find acceptable? If he asks you to put it up or tie it back always, would you?

You can of course take it as far as you want to, I suppose the consideration is whether you really want to take the consequences of it. Appearance is all down to perception, you're in a public-facing job and you've been asked to tidy your hair. Compliance would be quite easy, you can wear your hair as you like when you're not at work.

Thanks, found a link and will get OH to order the book for me.

It's the sodium lauryl sulphate and derivitives that cause a lot of my problems but the SLS free shampoo I have makes my hair worse.
It is in so many things not just shampoo, from toothpaste to painkillers.

Thanks again and onward to more ordered curls (if that's even possible)

Cadsuane - will get OH to order the book for me
How come you don't order your own books?

Welcome OP. When you were first employed, were you told your hair had to be straight, or in any particular hairstyle? Is it part of your contract to say you must have straight hair, or just to be "well groomed"? If i were you I would go to CAB for a little advice, they would be able to help you. Also, keep your hair tied back for the present, and write down any conversations you have with this man that have any thing to do with your appearance or another aspect that he deems detromental to your position.

maybe the Op's hair is unkempt and the boss has a point (but not to straighten) or the boss is just unreasonable (they do exist) and being a nob.

What if he suggested to be well groomed you had to wear a shorter skirt, show more cleavage, wear heels etc - is the boss's idea of well groomed beyond question?

Need to see some pictures to truly judge.

Yeah OP show us your hair in work mode (you can blur out your face).

Tell him you don't own any straighteners.

If straight hair is a requirement of the job, then it should be explicitly stated. If a certain level of tidiness is required, then that should also be explicit, as tidiness can mean different things to different people. However, in hospitality, I think you should accept that standards of appearance will be strict. I would ask your boss precisely what he means and get him to put it in writing. If he can't, or won't, then he can't really sack you for failing to meet the standard, can he? I would also put your request for clarification in writing so that if there is any comeback, at least you can prove that you have tried to raise the matter. Or, better still, speak to your union rep or employee representative if you have one.

Lots of people have weird attitudes to curly hair. I've been encountering it for 37 years. My hair is so curly that not even GHD's straighten it. I worked in Boots as a Saturday girl many moons ago and had a boss who asked me 'isn't there anything you can do about your hair?' the bastard.

I work in a school and do wear my hair tied back 'cos I am paranoid about nits (nit combs + my hair = lots of pain) but even in a bun curly bits pop out left, right and centre.

I second the option of asking your boss to put his request in writing. It sounds entirely unreasonable given the fact that you wear your hair tied back.

TBH, I'm so arsey that I'd go to work on Monday with my hair loose in all it's tousled, curly majesty.

I used to run a website for the curly of hair, and it was heartbreaking getting emails from girls/women who were getting up at 5 in the morning and spending hours 'taming' their hair in order to avoid all the silly and horrid comments that you are subjected to when you have curly hair.

I am very curly militant, but even now as a grown up a little bit of me cries inside when someone makes an amusing crack about my hair:

'Oooh, it's just like wire wool'
'Annie'
'Fuzzy wuzzy'
'I do feel sorry for you, there's NOTHING you can do with it..'

Ad infinitum...

Re OH ordering books for me, no big deal.
He does online surveys and often gets paid in Amazon vouchers, at the moment he has arround £50 worth.
If we go into a bookshop I usualy pay. Swings and Roundabouts.

Anyway tried the conditioning wash for my hair this morning and it looked amazing and much less frizzy, much better than it has been for a long time. Thanks for the suggestion.

Yes, your boss does sound like a knob, but if you have less than 12 months service and your curly hair isn't linked to your ethnicity, then he can dismiss your for this and you have no come back. You have to have 12 months service to bring a claim of unfair dismissal, and you mentioned you've only recently passed your probationary period, so I am assuming you've got less. TBH I would just suck it up while you look for something else.

OP, nothing much to add, only what your boss wants you to do smacks of discrimination to me. Do keep us updated and I'm glad that from how you come across in your posts, you don't seem to have any intention of giving in to him. Good luck!

How did work go today kate? Was your hair mentioned again?

...and then the red haired secretary went on to become...Rebekah Brooks!? Careful what you wish for!

I'm wondering where I'm at with this - I don't notice if someone has curly hair or straight. Tidiness to me just means clean hair, hopefully without things going on like a huge quantity of dark roots showing with solidly yellow-blonde hair (unless its done in a post-ironic way).

Illogical rules though, I think I can compete on that one from when I worked in the City. My job was doing paste-up in an in-house art studio (just about the most casual place in the offices). I once got reprimanded for rolling my sleeves up to avoid getting hairs from my mohair jumper all over the work!

Hi everyone! Hope everyone had a nice day

Well, today I established once and for all that the problem is with curly hair. He patronisingly explained that it looks unprofessional "When you visit a professional environment, take a look around. Professional women , like I expect you to be, straighten their hair and there is a reason for this. People don't want to see wiggly piggly bits but relaxed, straight and smooth like the atmosphere to be created. I pay you to fit the image and it was indeed in your contract to look presentable."

All of this was said in a soft and considered way as if he was letting me down gently! When I asked why he was only asking me to do this now, he said he was going to bring in new uniforms etc and my hair would not fit with them???! I honestly think he might be a bit mad! Also, when I said I can't do anything more than tie it back in a bun he said in a really frustrated voice "but you can still see it's curly"!! I had to really try not to laugh at that!

I asked for his request in writing and he became really suspicious. In the end, in a forced nonchalant kind of way, he said he'd get it to me by the end of the day and that I should "have a little think" about what I want...I never got it in writing.

Who would I take it to if I do get it in writing? And if I don't, is there anything to stop him from sacking me with a made-up reason that avoids the hair issue?

@WhoseGot The website is called naturally curly

@Cadsuane Glad that the co-wash has worked already! Good luck You might have some bad days to start but it's well worth it!