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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not straighten my hair after my boss telling me to?

245 replies

katecreate · 15/09/2011 16:38

I work as a concierge and thus always on view to the public. I also have curly hair. Today, my boss took me aside to tell me that my hair looks unkempt as it is and that it would be in the interest of me keeping the job to straighten it!

Now, my hair get a bit frizzy sometimes but is otherwise well maintained. It is naturally curly and I like it that way. I told my boss (politely) where to stick it and he just said that I agreed when I signed my contract to be presentable and I should suck it up (he would like to wear a beard but it would be frowned upon apparently Hmm...not the same thing either!). That he takes a dim view of me arguing with him.

I think he is totally wrong to ask me to change something about myself and that it is verging on the discrimatory. However, I also know how difficult it would be to find another job too in this market. I know the job centre would take a dim view of getting sacked!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 21:37

@squeakytoy

He definitely meant use straighteners -we had quite a long conversation about it.

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 15/09/2011 21:37

ah ha... lovein has given me a name for my hair style ... giant birds nest it is...

tie it back op and use hair spray or something (how would I know I have birds nest hair) to keep the straggly bits in. see if that pacifies him.

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 21:38

@Jackaroo (I swear I am not using @ to make a point Wink) I wore my hair DOWN for the interview! A previous employer told me that it sets me apart from other candidates so I took their advice. I will definitely be keeping a paper trail.
6303719

OP posts:
Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 21:39

Obviously meant I AM when replying to Cote!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 21:40

Thanks for all the supportive messages btw! Smile

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 21:45

WhoseGot - Every website has different ways, and I pointed out to OP that people don't address each other with "@" here. Which is true. I didn't say anything about being allowed Hmm

She can of course go on using it, just like she can go on wearing her hair as she likes.

CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 21:48

What Quintessential said.

Quintessentialist · 15/09/2011 21:48

Cote, not to worry, it has shown ops character in an interesting light, though. If I were her boss, and wanted to get rid of her, I would possibly think in terms of argumentative manner, insubordination, in addition to failure to comply with the terms of the contract in respect to keeping a neat and professional appearance.

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 21:52

Insubordination? Grin

I won't straighten my hair just because he believes it to to be a societal norm. So sue me.

And my argumentative manner on here is obv. not how I would conduct myself in the workplace. This is not a job interview!!

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 21:53

Exactly. Boss gives constructive criticism. Instead of improving her appearance, employee comes to MN, says it's discrimination Hmm and preens while some say "He is a nob".

I see a bright career ahead of her.

Quintessentialist · 15/09/2011 21:54

I find your responses to posters really pesky, though. Unless you have a different online persona, I dont see why you would make an effort to NOT be argumentative at work, while you ARE argumentative her, iyswim.

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 21:57

This is not constructive criticism. This is him telling me to change my appearance based on a whim of his own. Straighten your hair or lose your job is not constructive.

@ Quint: I have a separate work persona actually. Surely when you're in a bad mood, you don't show it at the workplace...presumably.

OP posts:
LikeACandleButNotQuite · 15/09/2011 21:58

He didn't ask you to straigten your hair just because " he believes it to to be a societal norm"

He did it due to the fact that you are in a role in which a smart appearance is imperative to the satisfation of his guests. If you wish to wear your hair in an all-be it nice style that is not suitable for the front of house job, then may I suggest a position back of house?

Jackaroo · 15/09/2011 21:58

Hmm Would you say that your response, Quinn, would be the same if he was suggesting that she showed more cleavage (for example)?... your assumption is that he is right and she is wrong is really bizarre.

Am not on here a whole lot, but am wondering if you used to have a different mn name..

I'm sure I should just ignore, but actually make me react very violently. Not sure why. Maybe because the comments remind me of the least successful managers I've ever had the misfortune to work for (and I have straight hair).

mathanxiety · 15/09/2011 21:59

'The problem here is not curly hair. It is messy-looking frizzy hair.'

How do you know? Have you seen the hair? Or do you assume curly hair has to be frizzy? Frizzy is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes curly hair does not appear glossy or to have a shine -- this does not mean it is frizzy.

'it would be in the interest of me keeping the job to straighten it!' This sounds like a man who is ignorant about what he can and can't ask an employee to do, and who is seriously up himself (not uncommon in the hospitality industry).

If he can't ask someone with African type hair to straighten it (and he couldn't) then he can't ask anyone else to (assuming here the OP is white/non-African). Quintessentialist, what would you think of a person of African descent with her hair in a natural do working in a hotel -- unprofessional? An indication of lack of hygiene?

Is hair of a certain texture really the same as stained clothing?

And what is this about @? I have seen it plenty.

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 22:02

@LikeACandle

I do believe that it is a societal norm that straight hair is neater than curly hair and that people prefer it. Otherwise why would so many people use straighteners?

OP posts:
Quintessentialist · 15/09/2011 22:05

Jackaroo, I wonder what your point being, about me having changed my name. My current name makes it really obvious who I "used to be", and still am, it is just a variation!! Why does it matter?

mathanxiety · 15/09/2011 22:06

Like A Candle -- has he polled the guests as to their preference? Has he asked the curly haired guests? I have curly hair myself and personally find it offputting to see all employees in certain places wearing their hair straight, gelled into submission or pulled back into tight buns because I get the feeling that curly hair is frowned upon or associated with lack of professionalism. Hotels are the worst offenders as far as I'm concerned, and I wonder if they will fumigate my room when I leave just on account of the hair and whatever negative associations it has for them. The world looks much more diverse and is much more tolerant of diversity of appearance among staff now than the average hotel manager gives it credit for.

Jackaroo · 15/09/2011 22:07

It doesn't matter, I was just wondering out loud as it reminded me alot of someone else..but no, it wasn't a variation on your current pseudonym..so there must be two of you with similar views. Who'd have thought Grin

Quintessentialist · 15/09/2011 22:08

It must be someone else, I dont think I have ever been involved in a debate about curly hair or not before!! Grin

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 22:09

Quintessentialist Cote, not to worry, it has shown ops character in an interesting light, though. If I were her boss, and wanted to get rid of her, I would possibly think in terms of argumentative manner, insubordination, in addition to failure to comply with the terms of the contract in respect to keeping a neat and professional appearance.

What the fuck?! Are you for real? OP is assertive, is that not allowed? I suppose she is just a woman after all. What year do you think it is?

The contract thing is irrelevant as OP has said he was fine with her hair at the interview and always has been and now suddenly wants her to straighten it!

CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 22:10

This is not about "societal norm", you dingbat.

You work as the concierge of a hotel. You have to be the well-groomed, neat, impeccably dressed face of this hotel. You probably need to wear a uniform, which has to be clean and ironed.

All this is part of your job and has nothing to do with societal norms you can disregard because you are such a free spirit Hmm

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 22:11

katecreate Are you happy to tie your hair back neatly and use clips to keep the bits in?

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 22:11

@Cote

If I was a free spirit I would wear my hair as I wished and not pull it back (doing it damage) most of the time. Just because my uniform has to be ironed, it doesn't mean my hair does!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/09/2011 22:12

OP has also said that 80% of the time her hair is tidy... which means that 20% of the time.. well, it isnt.

Most employers expect 100% conforming to their standards, particularly in a front of house role.