Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not straighten my hair after my boss telling me to?

245 replies

katecreate · 15/09/2011 16:38

I work as a concierge and thus always on view to the public. I also have curly hair. Today, my boss took me aside to tell me that my hair looks unkempt as it is and that it would be in the interest of me keeping the job to straighten it!

Now, my hair get a bit frizzy sometimes but is otherwise well maintained. It is naturally curly and I like it that way. I told my boss (politely) where to stick it and he just said that I agreed when I signed my contract to be presentable and I should suck it up (he would like to wear a beard but it would be frowned upon apparently Hmm...not the same thing either!). That he takes a dim view of me arguing with him.

I think he is totally wrong to ask me to change something about myself and that it is verging on the discrimatory. However, I also know how difficult it would be to find another job too in this market. I know the job centre would take a dim view of getting sacked!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 15/09/2011 20:59

Since twitter took off I've seen lots of @MNer posts. Couldn't give you names obviously but they do exist. It's hardly your place to tell the OP what 'we' do or don't use on Mumsnet...

Spuddybean · 15/09/2011 21:00

Your hair sounds gorgeous and i wish i had lovely curls like you.

When i was a receptionist once my boss kept saying i wasn't wearing enough make up (i was only 19 and just wasn't caked in the stuff). She kept having someone do a makeover and basically slap it on with a trowel (i had already studied make up at the london college of fashion, so was well aware of how to apply it - i just didn't need it).

Then she started on about my hair (long, layered and straight - always clean and blow dried). Apparently it wasn't professional. So i wore it up. Then it wasn't glamorous enough. One day (after i had just had a cut) she told me she had booked me with her hairdresser and had told them they were to give me a short bob Shock

I said no and the next day i was fired and accused of stealing Shock Shock

Not long after, her best friend shot her dead. She was having an affair with friends husband, while the friend was dying of cancer she had been pretending to look after the friend, but after she had dosed her up with meds she was having it off with her husband. Friend walked into work and shot her in front of everyone. She was already close to the end herself so didn't make it to trial.

all very sad.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 15/09/2011 21:00

Christ, do you work for Mr Brocklehurst? Stupid arse. YANBU.

ivykaty44 · 15/09/2011 21:01

Go see your union rep and get advise also ask your boss to pop it in writing to you about your unkempt hair and then take a photograph for keepsake the day he does it and file it for future reference

squeakytoy · 15/09/2011 21:01

Another thought here.. did he actually mean "straighten" it, with straighteners ... or did he just mean "straighten it" as in "put it right".. which is a completely different thing. It only just occurred to me, but I remember my dad saying "straighten your hair up" when I was younger, meaning "tidy your hair".

halcyondays · 15/09/2011 21:02

Yanbu, you signed a contract to say you would look presentable, not to straighten your hair. Curly hair can be presentable.

SouthernFriedTofu · 15/09/2011 21:09

@cote, says who?

ivykaty44 · 15/09/2011 21:12

I have lost my inverted comas and have the @ sign there instead - I often forget and put @@

If anyone knows where my inverted comas are now on the keyboard please let me know

SouthernFriedTofu · 15/09/2011 21:13

The Op's boss didnt say "her" curly hair was unkept keep it in order.

He said "curly hair" was unkempt and she should straighten it. My hair takes 40 mins to straighten and I would not fuck about with an extra 40 mins of my day wasted. Especially when if you live in England it will only rain and ruin the look anyway.

SquidgyBiscuits · 15/09/2011 21:14

Bun with loose curls = unkempt

Tight, neat bun = professional

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 21:18

@CoteDAzur (I'm hardly going to be ostracised for using @ btw)

My hair IS groomed for the last time! Do not tell me that with curly hair yours does not get a bit frizzy sometimes because that is impossible.

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 21:21

Southern - No, actually, her boss didn't say all curly hair looks unkept. OP clearly says: "Today, my boss took me aside to tell me that my hair looks unkempt as it is"

ivykaty44 · 15/09/2011 21:21

Bun with loose curls = how katecreate wants to wear her hair

tight neat bun = how some other people want to wear their hair

CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 21:23

If your hair was groomed, your boss wouldn't have to talk to you about it.

CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 21:25

Her boss is not "some other people".

KouklaMoo · 15/09/2011 21:25

YANBU. I have thick, curly hair too, which turns instantly into witches hair the second I go near it with a hairbrush or straighteners - even ghd's. Mine certainly doesn't look smarter or more groomed when straight.

Anyway, there is no way that curly hair = unpresentable. Maybe experiment with some different styles/pinning more hair back, and see if he finds them presentable enough?

I hate this obsession with straightened hair - I embrace my curls now too.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 21:25

Spuddybean Oh My God that is horrendous!!!!! Sad

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 21:27

ivykaty44 What about 2 to the right of L?

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 21:29

CoteDAzur It's really none of your business of the OP or anyone else uses @. The OP wants to and that's up to her. By saying she's not allowed to because no one else does makes MN sound like a cult!

Quintessentialist · 15/09/2011 21:29

I am sure your hair was groomed, until the few curly strands came lose.

Hair in a bun is a different look entirely to hair in a bun with lose curls framing the face. I know, because I have curly hair, and like to have curly strands lose to frame my face when I wear my hair up, it is much, erm.... sexier.... Rather than well groomed.

northernruth · 15/09/2011 21:30

That is completely ridiculous and bordeline discriminatory. I have naturally straight hair that gets a bit "kinky" at the ends in hot and humid conditions - what would he have me do, nip off for a straightener break every couple of hours?????

YANBU AT ALL!!!!! Cheeky twunt

Jackaroo · 15/09/2011 21:30

I'm intrigued enough to ask what you did with your hair during the interview, and over the probationary period?
If this is definitely about about wanting you to process your hair rather than not digging the tendrils with bun thing, then either he should've employed someone with straight hair, brought it up during the 1st 4 weeks, or mentioned it during interview and revealed the bonus uniform payment of 300 every year to pay for you to look like a respectable member of society.

Keep photos/paper trail if only because you may need proof at your next job a to why you were let go/walked away after a few weeks.

He is despicable.

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 15/09/2011 21:32

If he hired you with curly hair, then he IBU asking you to straighten it.

I work in a Hotel, and front of house staff are expected to have hair off the shoulders and off the face. Its neat, professional and hygenic, from the industries point of view.

As long as it is neat, clean and off your face, he is BU. Loose tenrils are not off the face, so maybe experiment with other ways of wearing it?

Quintessentialist · 15/09/2011 21:34

If you are the front image of the hotel, and the main point of contact with the guests, and THEY look at the hair and think unkempt, that is going to mean that they think that the hotel is unkempt. They are going to think the standard of the hotel is low, the staff has a low attention to detail, neatness, and in the end, hygiene. If I was met by a hotel concierge with strawberry jam on her suit, frizzy unkempt hair, or too big cleavage on show (because the concierge is proud of her chest and like to show it off - it is after all a natural feature and nothing wrong with a good pair of boobs, eh?) then I would think I was in a low end type of hotel, and I would begrudge paying the rate they ask....

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 21:37

@CoteDAzur

My boss would not let me throw food that had gone off its use by date in the bin the other day. I did anyway because I have my own brain and don't just follow him blindly.

If he told me to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't.

Can you not entertain the possibility that I am not going to work with neat hair?

As I have presented it to you, it comes down to my word or his. Why believe his?

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread