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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not straighten my hair after my boss telling me to?

245 replies

katecreate · 15/09/2011 16:38

I work as a concierge and thus always on view to the public. I also have curly hair. Today, my boss took me aside to tell me that my hair looks unkempt as it is and that it would be in the interest of me keeping the job to straighten it!

Now, my hair get a bit frizzy sometimes but is otherwise well maintained. It is naturally curly and I like it that way. I told my boss (politely) where to stick it and he just said that I agreed when I signed my contract to be presentable and I should suck it up (he would like to wear a beard but it would be frowned upon apparently Hmm...not the same thing either!). That he takes a dim view of me arguing with him.

I think he is totally wrong to ask me to change something about myself and that it is verging on the discrimatory. However, I also know how difficult it would be to find another job too in this market. I know the job centre would take a dim view of getting sacked!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Gonzo33 · 15/09/2011 16:57

Have you passed your probation period? If he hired you knowing your hair was curly surely he is open to tribunal if he actually sacked you. What a pratt!

fegwood · 15/09/2011 16:58

What a tosser. It took me 25 years to embrace my natural curls. Now I love them. I haven't used shampoo, straighteners or a hairdryer now since April (instead preferring to wash with conditioner only and air dry) and my hair is in the best condition it's ever been.

And there is no way he'd have any legal grounds to dismiss you for having curly hair.

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 17:00

Thanks BeanslovesUnicorns!

I've passed the probation period, yes. Not by much though.

@fegwood I don't use shampoo either and use condish too (CG by any chance?). NO WAY is he ever getting to know that!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/09/2011 17:00

Sorry, but I do think you are being unreasonable. If a major part of your role is customer facing, and to look well groomed and tidy, then that is that really. If your hair looks a bit wild, you have to take the time to pin it back, hold it in place with spray, or have it cut.

Curly hair isnt the problem, untidy hair is the problem. Your boss cant ask you to straighten it, but they can ask you to keep it tidy due to the job you are doing.

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 17:02

@squeakytoy

It DOES NOT look wild. Most of time it's tied back. It is tidy, just now straight.

OP posts:
Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 17:02

not*

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 15/09/2011 17:05

Myabe he thought the few curls out was messy - may be an age thing? The things said about my hair are unreal!

squeakytoy · 15/09/2011 17:05

But clearly when it isnt tied back, he thinks it looks a bit unprofessional. It isnt worth getting on the wrong side of your boss over something that can easily be dealt with. I have naturally curly hair too, which I do blow dry or straighten a lot of the time. I had a job which meant going out to client sites and doing presentations and my "work" hair was always very different to the Kate Bush look that I preferred in my own time.

LoveInAColdClimate · 15/09/2011 17:06

He sounds like an arse, frankly (assuming you have nice curly hair as it sounds like you do, rather than a giant birdsnest Grin). YANBU.

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 17:07

Possibly DoMeDon. If that was the case though, he should have just told me to tie them back too rather than straighten my hair.

OP posts:
maxpower · 15/09/2011 17:09

So on the basis that he thought it looked untidy because it was tied back with a few loose strands, maybe you should just wear it down all the time instead? Would he consider that less messy?

Alternatively, explain to him that good quality straighteners are expensive as are the salon quality products you'd need to use to protect your hair, so if he can give you a pay rise to cover all these things, you'll consider it Wink Grin

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 17:10

Thanks ColdClimate.

@Squeakytoy

I don't understand why you'd blow dry/ straighten your hair for work if you preferred your curly look. Can you explain why you feel you have to please? It's a genuine question. I want to understand. I just feel really affronted by the assumption that curly= messy.

OP posts:
Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 17:12

LOL maxpower. I'll ratcomb it too, that'll give him a shock!

OP posts:
Al0uiseG · 15/09/2011 17:13

Weekly blow dry at his expense :o

squeakytoy · 15/09/2011 17:14

Because when I have my hair curly, I like it to look quite wild.. it doesnt look smart, it looks untamed. I also like to have a different and more relaxed look when I am not in work too.

porcamiseria · 15/09/2011 17:15

hotels are fucked up

when I was in my early 20s my boss made me wear the uniform that front desk wore (Navy dress) as my own clothes were too scruffy
and she told me to get a manicure

maybe get a 3rd opinion from HR, its a weird industry thing

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 17:17

LOL I like to wear my hear wild too out of work which is why I feel I've made the effort and changed my appearance (whilst still keeping the curls) to suit the work environment.

I'm really comfortable with my hair and love it. In school some of my friends would be up at 5.30 blow drying and straightening their curly hair because they wanted to fit in.It was unfair. I see this as an extension of that really.

OP posts:
NoMoreWasabi · 15/09/2011 17:21

Its hard to say without seeing your hair. Is it frizzy? If so would some product help it look more "presentable"?

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 17:24

@NoMoreWasabi

My hair is really moisturised and looks it...in my opinion! It sometimes gets a bit frizzy if it's too hot but I only have to dampen it and it's fine again.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/09/2011 17:24

In school some of my friends would be up at 5.30 blow drying and straightening their curly hair because they wanted to fit in.It was unfair. I see this as an extension of that really.

No, :) this is just conforming to the rules where you work. Just like jobs that say tattoos must be covered, and piercings must be removed, if your employers demand a certain level of grooming, then if you want your job, you comply.. its the way life is. I spent years wanting to have my hair wild colours, and also spent many years wearing long sleeves because I had to keep a tattoo on my wrist covered. I accepted it because it is part of working life depending on the job that you do.

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 17:27

@squeakytoy

People CHOOSE to have tattoos and piercings and wild hair colours. I had as much choice over what type of hair I was born with as what type of skin colour.

Thanks for providing a different viewpoint though. I'm thinking that this is where my boss' stance is coming from sort of Smile

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 15/09/2011 17:37

If he carries on just tell him you are not straightening it, if it's anything like mine a bit of humidity and it doesn't look to great straight anyway. You could ask him how he would prefer you to were it curly as a compromise. If he still wants it straightened he is just being a knobsack

ViviPru · 15/09/2011 17:45

"a bit of humidity and it doesn't look to great straight anyway. "

Puts me in mind of that Friends episode when they go to Mexico... "Its the HUMIDITY"

TrillianAstra · 15/09/2011 17:47

One of the best things about curly hair (IMO) is that is can be wilder than straight hair while still looking like it is supposed to be that way.

Moominsarescary · 15/09/2011 17:49

Oh yes Monica with that massive hair

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