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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not straighten my hair after my boss telling me to?

245 replies

katecreate · 15/09/2011 16:38

I work as a concierge and thus always on view to the public. I also have curly hair. Today, my boss took me aside to tell me that my hair looks unkempt as it is and that it would be in the interest of me keeping the job to straighten it!

Now, my hair get a bit frizzy sometimes but is otherwise well maintained. It is naturally curly and I like it that way. I told my boss (politely) where to stick it and he just said that I agreed when I signed my contract to be presentable and I should suck it up (he would like to wear a beard but it would be frowned upon apparently Hmm...not the same thing either!). That he takes a dim view of me arguing with him.

I think he is totally wrong to ask me to change something about myself and that it is verging on the discrimatory. However, I also know how difficult it would be to find another job too in this market. I know the job centre would take a dim view of getting sacked!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
heleninahandcart · 15/09/2011 19:12

Outrageous. What the hell would he say if you had some black heritage? He'd be in court quicker than he could get straighteners warmed up. I am increasingly tired of this thing these days where curly hair is somehow seen as unruly, unkempt and now unprofessional Hmm. Why not tell someone with straight hair to get it permed FFS.

You can be immaculate with curly hair. Just like me Grin

YANBU

CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 19:18

kate - I happen to have long curly hair. So I know, as you should, that there are very effective hair products that prevent frizzy hair. If you used some, I very much doubt that your boss would suggest you straighten your hair because it would look presentable. As he is a man, his understanding of hair probably goes no further than "Her hair looks messy, better straighten it", hence his suggestion that you straighten yours.

There is obviously a problem here and it is up to you to fix it, whether by pulling your hair back (with jel/serum so it won't frizz), straightening it, or finding a way to wear your hair curly while looking well-groomed.

Alternatively, you can sample the joys of being unemployed in the current economic climate and learn to kick yourself.

GrimmaTheNome · 15/09/2011 19:24

Believe me, straight hair does not equate to well groomed! You should see me on a windy day (I wouldn't be able to see you)!

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 19:35

@CoteDAzur

My hair is not frizzy, only when it gets hot (which I can then sort out). How do you know I do not use "effective hair products"? There's no way that anyone with curly hair is going out to a job with no hair products being used.

As if I wouldn't have already been using gel [hmmm] I actually can't believe that you thought that I don't use hair products.

And since I do, what then would be your advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 19:37

Hmm*

OP posts:
bridgingtheabyss · 15/09/2011 19:38

It is discrimination, 100%. A male employee wouldn't be asked to straighten their hair.

It reminds me of a case I read about recently where a shop assistant at one of the big London department stores was sacked because she refused to wear make-up. She took the store to court for unfair dismissal and won.

Don't do it! And if I were you I'd make a complaint about this idiot so he doesn't get away with his sexist behaviour.

bridgingtheabyss · 15/09/2011 19:44

CoteDAzur, maybe the OP should kiss his ass while she's at it! It's not a case of do everything an employer tells you or be unemployed you know.

Original poster
katecreate · 15/09/2011 19:49

Thanks bridging. I might print off the story and leave it in a really obvious place Wink

OP posts:
cleanteeth · 15/09/2011 19:55

Its the same as if he asked a blond woman to dye her hair brown, you just dont ask someone to change something on their appearance like that. I could understand if you had your hair all over the place if he asked you to tidy it up, but obviously you look after your hair so I cant see the problem.
He sounds like a right knob.

I wish I had curly hair, it's so pretty.

mathanxiety · 15/09/2011 19:56

I have worked in a hotel too. Hated it.

Who is to say customers don't like curls? What about guests with curly hair? How welcome do they feel when greeted and constantly surrounded by the sleek and straight of hair?

If the boss knows that hair can be straightened as opposed to just brushed or brill creamed then he knows more about hair than just curls = messy.

I don't believe anyone can be fired for appearance standards (not clothing but hair, face, body) that couldn't be applied equally to men or to members of other races.

CurlyCasper · 15/09/2011 20:02

ffs, anyone who thinks the OP is BU needs to be shot. i have natural ginger curly hair. i can make it look tidy, but it's never going to conform to the well-preened sterotype this guy seems to be after. in fact, if I straightened it and hit the slightest humidity it would look awful. Yes, we can use products, but with hair like mine they never fully eradicate frizz. Surely soft bouncy curls look better than solid gelled or moussed ones. his request is akin to asking someone to get a tan or similar. Why should someone change their natural appearance? If he doesn't like curls, he should not have hired her. Fuckwit.

LDNmummy · 15/09/2011 20:06

Sorry but I really disagree with those who say curly hair is somehow not presentable because the boss doesn't think so.

Would the same people feel the same if he asked an employee to bleach their skin whiter because that is what he considered more presentable?

The OP's hair is a part of her body that need not be altered to be presentable. She had it up in a bun, that is enough. Why should she spend her time (because it bloody takes ages to straighten hair), money on products and damage her hair to adhere to an archaic view that curly hair is somehow inferior or less attractive?

Do me a favour.

ExpensivePants · 15/09/2011 20:10

As he is a man, his understanding of hair probably goes no further than "Her hair looks messy, better straighten it", hence his suggestion that you straighten yours....Alternatively, you can sample the joys of being unemployed in the current economic climate and learn to kick yourself.

Jesus Christ, what decade is it? Hmm

Feminine · 15/09/2011 20:24

I doubt a man would even suggest poor op straightening her hair,if he hadn't been asked by his envious wife.

In my experience it is very rare for a man to take such a stance.

As I said earlier,this has come directly from the wife imo ...he is just delivering the message.

CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 20:29

What does "decade" have to do with it? Hmm

CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 20:32

The problem here is not curly hair. It is messy-looking frizzy hair.

prettybird · 15/09/2011 20:34

It certainly doesn't sound like YABU.

I would suggest you take some photographs of "representative" examples of how your hair looks - just in case he ever does try to dismiss you. Then you would have proof that you were looking presentable.

Expecting you to treat your hair chemically in the mistaken belief that that only that will make you presentable is unreasonable, expecting you to look professional (wavy hair and all) is not. But he needs to get a more reasonable grip on the reality that we all have different hair types.

A friend's dd has amazingly curly hair (think - even curlier than Alex Kingston) - looks like an afro if she doesn't do anything with it (100% "white" Scottish, her dad is the same or was when he had hair ). It does however, look neat when clipped back with side hair clips, but still obviously a lot of hair loose/flairing out behind the clips, IYSWIM.

sevenoften · 15/09/2011 20:34

I agree that too much knowledge is being attributed to the man here. The key thing is that he has said that the OP doesn't look groomed enough. He probably shouldn't have suggested straightening, as it's not the only way of fixing the problem. (The fact that he did suggests to me he doesn't know much about hair.)

But while I'm sure a bun with loose curls deliberately falling out of it can look beautiful, it doesn't necessarily look formal or professional. Hard to tell without seeing. But I think the OP needs to listen more to what he is saying - and perhaps tidy the hair up (without straightening it).

CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 20:36

kate - You say in OP that your hair gets "a bit frizzy sometimes" that your boss told you that it "looks unkept". That is not at all the same thing as your boss disliking your hair because it is curly.

By the way, we don't use @Cote, @kate etc on this website.

CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 20:39

Expecting OP to treat her hair chemically, no less Hmm

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 20:43

That pisses me off that anyone would say that curly hair in ungroomed! It's not ungroomed it's curly! MASSIVE difference!

EricNorthmansMistress · 15/09/2011 20:48

By the way, we don't use @Cote, @kate etc on this website.

PMSL. Maybe you don't, Cote, lots do.

YANBU. This is unacceptable. As long as your hair is neat and tidy then he cannot ask you to straighten it.

ExpensivePants · 15/09/2011 20:51

And of course, he's only a bloke so he asked her to straighten her hair because he doesn't know what he's talking about, not because he just happens to be a prat.

CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 20:55

Nobody is saying curly hair is not groomed by definition ffs.

I have long curly hair and know from experience that it is entirely possible to groom it into well-defined curls and locks.

CoteDAzur · 15/09/2011 20:58

Who are these "lots", Eric? I've been on MN for years and can't say I have seen @BabyCentreReject @TickerLover etc anywhere.

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