In thinking SIL wanting to take (unborn) DS for a day the week he is born isn't normal?

[SchrodingersMew]

I'm to be induced the same week my SIL has a week off and she wants to take him for a day that week because she will be off work.

She seems totally adamant and my DP doesn't see a problem with it and thinks it will give me time to relax but I know I just wont want to let go of him so soon.

I had agreed she could take him for a day before I realised she was talking about the week he was going to be born.

I realise she's probably just trying to help and she loves kids but this doesn't seem what would normally happen. God, I have friends who refused to even really see anyone for weeks.

AIBU?

She's a nursery nurse... How can she possibly think she's helping?

Oh dear god, the woman has no clue. Today I left my almost 8mo ds with my mum for 2 hours while I had my hair cut and I felt like I was missing a limb.

In the first week that he was born he spent most of the time attached to my boob. There is no way anyone could have taken him for the day. Good point made about the midwife visits too.

You need to stand your ground. In order to successfully establish bf you cannot be separated from your baby this early for that long.

I'm quite upset about
a) the idea of someone taking your newborn for a day (with DS I wouldn't leave the room if someone was holding him
b) the awful dog.

I don't visit my mum because she has a out of control jumpy dog amongst other reasons. I was very adamant about protecting DS - PFB maybe but I don't care.

Also I don't think BF should be brought into this. You don't need to make excuses, even if it's valid!

Coming in a bit late here, 9 pages in, I could hardly believe I was seeing this with all posters saying YADNBU - no one was around to say that to support me 10 years ago when my first DD was born. SIL insisted she must have her OVERNIGHT when she was 10 days old. I said it was a kind offer but on this occasion I'd have to say no until DD was a bit older. She then said this was a prime example of how badly I treated her, she was being pushed away, and neither she or her family (DH's brother) have ever spoken to me or seen DD1, and subsequent DD2, since - although this is mainly because they want to see the children without me, so as to spare their hurt feelings, and I won't allow it.

I was told by my health visitor that DD "really needed her family" and I should reconsider. MiL hated me. DH also blamed me and still does. When DD1 was 3 years old SiL wrote inside a birthday card "Although we are not allowed to see you we will never forget you".

Bunny. Boiler.

Sorry to hear that burning Feel cross for you. toxic family. And what the hell from the health visitor?
Well done for being strong.

Thank you. Hope OP feel strong about her situation too.

Nope YANBU, you and your new baby need to be together. Plus you have no idea whats going to happen when you go into labour. I was in and out of hospital for the first week for various things. Even if all had gone well, I wouldn't have let DS out of my sight for a minute.

I've not red the whole thread, so apologies if this is repeating previous posts. I think she's a nut case. What is her motivation? If it is genuinely to help you then you can say thanks but it would be far more help if you did some stuff round the house and held the baby while you showered and had a nap. If she is using the baby for some weird personal reason you can explain that you and your family are people not toys, and are certainly not here to benefit her. Seriously, nip this behaviour in the bud.

give in to her now at your peril...it will be start of all sorts of ridiculous demands. If you don't allow her to manipulate you, she will emotionally blackmail you. I'd take the blackmail option every time. Why are you being induced? Would it be feasible to move the date? You never know...Obviously she may take one look at your new born and realise she cannot manage. Or (I hope not) the induction process will take longer than expected (mine took 3 days, ended in an EMCS and 3 more nights in hospital- it was actually totally pain-free though a bit tiring). But then you will be accused of robbing her of the opportunity.

NO WAY.
Its bonkers.
Why do people think expressing is so bloody easy anyway?

Say NO. You do not want to be parted from your newborn baby. They have no routine at that stage, they can want feeding every five minutes and they want to be with their mum.

FFS. I would have rugby tackled anyone to the floor if they had tried to take my newborn out of my hands.

My SIL came to visit after DC4 was born. I came downstairs and we all had a nice chat and a cup of tea. I was tired and said I was going off to bed, picked DC4 up and she said 'oh are you taking him with you?'

He was about five days old!

People are just mad arnt they?

If your SIL clearly has such little idea about babies as to even suggest taking your DC for the day the week they are born, then she clearly isn't going to have a scooby about how to look after them anyway!

YADNBU!

I actually think this will be a non-issue when it comes to it. As others have said, it could take 24 hours or more from induction to delivery plus you might stay in a few days. I stayed in 5 with DS as he was slow to feed properly. So I doubt there will be an opportunity for her to have him in that week, even if you wanted her to.

Does sound like you have wider control issues here though so best start as you mean to go on and make sure DH is on side at all times.

Not on you nelly would I allow it!

YANBU!!

Just read the bit about your SIL being a nursery nurse!!!!! I'm going to have to assume she's not a very good one, I'm afraid, for even making such a ludicrous suggestion!

You couldn't make it up!

By the way, Highlander's comment about you getting lots of earache if you don't do things the way your SIL does/would is probably worth bracing yourself for....

Actually highlander does have a point.. I quite like my SIL but one thing that really drives me nuts is the she is the world's leading authority on children and child rearing, she's a primary school teacher but not a mother. I agree with her for the most part, but I wish she would realise I don't need this constant advice... I'm the Mum and I'm not bloody stupid.

I reckon you'll have similar issues, so time to 'man up' (figure of speech, please don't slate me on the feminist board ).

Was she very deprived of toys as a child? Buy her a nice doll.

YADNBU. There is no way I could relax for even ten minutes while someone else held any of mine for the first few months, let alone days. If anyone had tried to pry them from my arms, I would have done what MrsDeVere would. Nor could I ever express more than a few drops.

I agree that the whole family sounds as if they are nuts/have massive control issues, and you need to sit your DH down and tell him that when it comes to the baby it's what you want that matters. His judgement is really, really off. Tell him that in order for you to be able to relax, a huge amount of household help on his part will be required.

Don't count on anyone in your ILs' family realising the dog's behaviour needs modification.

Have followed this thread all of today. It has genuinley upset me and I am not a teary gets upset over a thread person!

When I had my daughter I was pretty young (21 - not shockingly young but looking back I realise how young I was). I 'allowed' my (nowEx) H's family to completely overrule everything I said and everything I wanted. They waited in the corridoor whilst I was giving birth, the second I was back on the ward they were there, trying to take baby off me even though I was tearfully trying to establish BFing. There was no mumsnet to help and I was a complete pathetic useless wimp pushover.

Even now, I regret it, admittedly my daughter and I are incredibly close and have a great relationship so no long term effects but I still get very strong pangs of upset and regret when I remember it all, including waking up to see (ex) MIL taking baby out of moses basket next to my bed while I napped, under the pretext of "you needed a break". (Fucks sake baby was asleep next to me while I was asleep).

I see that you do intend to stamp your foot down, I just implore you to PLEASE not allow one single cunt person to dictate what you should or should not do with your son.

It's one thing to love children and I am sure she means well but I love them too and wouldn't want to look after someones very very newborn that early! She could come over and make you instead

What is it with these people? I am 33 wks. My cousin suggested something similar at the weekend although not quite as extreme as OP's SIL. We are very close and I know that she will be a great help as she has 3 grown up DC. I suggested that at 6 weeks old I might take the baby round to her house 15 mins away so that she could watch baby whilst getting on with a few jobs while I napped. She said that I needed to get a breast pump to express so that she could take the baby to her house while I slept at home. I know she means well but I felt uncomfortable and that this was actually a way for her to have baby to herself. Warning bells were ringing but I wondered if I was PFB too.

OP be strong your SIL is doolally tap

This is possibly the craziest thing I have ever read on MN.

On the bright side, I think it will become instantly apparent to you as soon as DS is born that this is simply Not Going To Happen. All your doubts will go out of the window.

Good luck with SIL!

What scarlett said. Plus if anyone argues, just say the midwife said you weren't allowed. I doubt they'll take it up with her!

My DD3 was born last Wednesday. On Friday my FIL asked if he and MIL could take her out on Sunday (just past). We only got home on the Friday and he seemed peeved when I said NO CHANCE!

I suggested they have her for the afternoon in a few months time when I have happily established feeding etc.

YANBU. It isn't unreasonable for her not to have a clue about young babies and to ask to have him, but isn't unreasonable for you to say no firmly and tell your husband that he should back you up on this.
In the first week getting the hang of breast feeding is hard enough, I didn't get the hang of expressing until my nipples had toughened up and things were going smoothly at 4-6 weeks and I'm not unusual.
Just say no and tell her it will affect your relationship if she keeps going on about something you are unhappy with and is not going to happen.
Tell her she will have lots of time to take baby out when he/she is older and when a toddler she can take her for lots of trips to the local playpark, and toddlers are more interesting than babies.

Incidentally the midwife (for me anyway) visited everyday of the first five days to check me and the baby (unannounced... no appointment of anything), she'd have been very shocked if I'd have said 'Aaahhh yes the baby is spending the day with my SIL'.

That's a very good point.

BurningBridges & RedOnion

That's awful. Why does your DH blame you as well Burning? Does he think you were unreasonable not letting someone take his baby away at 10 days old?