Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking SIL wanting to take (unborn) DS for a day the week he is born isn't normal?

322 replies

SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 10:32

I'm to be induced the same week my SIL has a week off and she wants to take him for a day that week because she will be off work.

She seems totally adamant and my DP doesn't see a problem with it and thinks it will give me time to relax but I know I just wont want to let go of him so soon.

I had agreed she could take him for a day before I realised she was talking about the week he was going to be born.

I realise she's probably just trying to help and she loves kids but this doesn't seem what would normally happen. God, I have friends who refused to even really see anyone for weeks.

AIBU?

OP posts:
2rebecca · 14/09/2011 23:36

I would learn to drive rather than stay in a house with a small baby and scary dog. 8 miles isn't far though if you are cyclists, not for new born babies but when a bit older a trailer of childseat on a bike would allow you to visit for the day. To me staying overnight with relatives only 8 miles away seems a bit odd and unnecessary. Different if it is a friend and you are having a boozy late evening.

wildhairrunning · 14/09/2011 23:39

She is an inconsiderate idiot

Do not let her do this - and your dh has NO idea if he thinks this is ok

You poor going having to put up with these two idiots - tell her no and enjoy your baby. As for expressing - another area where your silly dh is talking about something he knows nothing about - the first few weeks add about tryin to establish bf and the feeding is constant

Tell them to get lost the idiots!

elphabadefiesgravity · 14/09/2011 23:45

YANBU

In addition to what everyone else has said that first week you are out of hospital you are also going to get probably daily midwife appointmetns. On the first day they come really early as they tend to prioritise the just out of hospital mums. As the days go on the midwife comes later and later. They want to check on you and the baby and weigh teh baby.

You have no idea if there will be difficulties. When I had ds for example he started to refuse the breast and became jaundiced so a close eye had to be kept.

mathanxiety · 14/09/2011 23:47

When you think of it -- if she had any clue at all or an ounce of empathy, she would realise what a really violent intrusion she is contemplating at a time when your emotions will be all over the place, and what an egregiously upsetting thing it is to burden you with the bother of dealing with her 'adamant' wish at this time.

Has the cow never heard of PND?

MrBloomsNursery · 14/09/2011 23:50

YANBU - Babies need to get into a routine as quickly as possible after they're born, otherwise they become restless. Just say no. If that doesn't work (although you shouldn't have to make an excuse) say that you can't express enough milk and you need to keep him with you to BF.

I think it's really strange. A few hours at your house for you to catch up on sleep would be normal, but taking a newborn away for a whole day? STRANGE.

CeeYouNextTuesday · 15/09/2011 02:25
Shock NO NO NO!
Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 15/09/2011 06:35

BurningBridges & RedOnion :(

BurningBridges That really shocked me! Shock can't believe how you were treated, that is awful.

I have come on here after having a bit of a day of rest and really didn't expect so many replies! I'm a bit touched actually, thank you everyone for replying and for your advice.

I got my induction date today as the 26th of Sept, but if my cervix is favourable next Wednesday then they will induce me next week, so no definite date to tell. :) I have told DP not to tell anyone I am in labour until he is born and am going to write in my notes that I do not want any visitors immediately after. :)

Mathan I have been referred to peri natal MH as they think because of the pg I have had I am a candidate for ending up with PND, SIL actually already knows this!

Also, I am being induced because of physical problems and have been told I could be in for up to 5 days, possibly more because I may lose my mobility at first (this has actually made me relax a bit!).

I've had a tough day and decided that from now on I am definitely going to "man up". I do really need to and from now on I will just be saying no when I am not comfortable with something.

DP is being very supportive and is agreeing with this whole thread. I think he's also realizing he's going to be wanting alone time too.

As for having a 24 hour labour, 1 of the reasons I am being induced is because they want me in hospital as I am at risk of rapid labour because of the condition I have and my Mum also had rapid labours. So there might not even have been time for them to get there! :o

Really though. I am very grateful for all the replies on this thread. I actually slightly expected to get flamed for not being grateful for free help but I now see everyone was thinking the same as me.

:)

OP posts:
wildhairrunning · 15/09/2011 06:44

I'm so glad your dp now realises that he was wrong to
Think the way he did - and yep, you need to Definitely man up if you are going to have a happy time with your baby. Please use us for bf support too! There are many of us here who bf and know the difficulties you can have (message me anytime too) - just remember bf is constant

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 15/09/2011 06:49

Thanks for the support. :) And I might need it with BF and issues that extend from that as I have to stop my only pain meds that work to do it. :( Really not looking forward to that but it's what I want for him. :)

OP posts:
TanteRose · 15/09/2011 06:58

Are you absolutely sure you have to stop the pain meds? Many doctors are not familiar with what you can and cannot take, and just give a blanket "no".

You should look up Thomas Hale's book on medication while breastfeeding Smile

TanteRose · 15/09/2011 07:00

Medications and Mothers Milk

wildhairrunning · 15/09/2011 07:09

Anytime, really - and there are a lot of people on here and in the bf section who you can call on. Pm me anytime!

Best of luck with everything but in the meantime you must keep us updated on the sil situation - she sounds very odd and so disrespectful to your situation as a mum to be. Coming on mn has made me realise just how many disrespectful family members there are out there who don't give new mums and dads any space - awful

Bridges - your story is terrible! WTF?! What on earth is wrong with your sil to act like that?! So you don't have any contact with them? Not surprised they sound awful!

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 15/09/2011 07:14

I think I have been told even Hale is against it. Not completely sure though.

If anyone knows if you can BF while on pregabalin it would be very helpful to know. :)

WildHairRunning Thank you. :) And I will update anything that happens in the coming weeks. Tbh, I think most family members that are talked about just don't think. Confused It's a shame.

OP posts:
tothemoonandback · 15/09/2011 07:30

No. Just say No. The worst thing she could do to help is take your baby from you for a day. She is deluded.

ScarlettCrossbones · 15/09/2011 07:40

I actually slightly expected to get flamed for not being grateful for free help

It's not "help", though, is it - it's just weirdness Grin.

I would give SIL the benefit of the doubt, however, and be kind to her (expecially now as you know she will not be having DS!) - there is an outside chance that she could genuinely be misinformed and really think she'd be doing you a huge favour. An outside chance ...)

Brilliant that DP is now on board - that makes all the difference.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 15/09/2011 07:55

Scarlett It is much easier now knowing she wont be having him. :)

When I'm home and settled I will invite her round and take others advice and get her to bring some takeaway. :)

I'm proud of DP for being so supportive, I realise a lot of people might not be when it comes to their own family.

OP posts:
kat2504 · 15/09/2011 07:57

You and the baby are his family now. That's how it is when you have a baby. And you put your own family before your extended family.

Moominsarescary · 15/09/2011 08:05

They haven't done any adiquate studies in humans so advise against it, they have done studies on rats that show it passes into the milk, the best thing to do would be ask your consultant

kat2504 · 15/09/2011 08:09

Even if you can't breast feed for medical reasons, and have to formula feed (this is probably not going to be the case) that is no good reason for anything to be any different. She still isn't having him for the day, no matter how he is fed!

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 15/09/2011 08:14

Moo Thank you. :) That's all I could find too when I googled but wasn't sure what Hale would have to say about it.

Kat You are very right. She's not getting him and if it's really for my benefit she can be perfectly happy seeing him while he is with his Mummy and Daddy comfortable in their own home. :)

OP posts:
CaptainMartinCrieff · 15/09/2011 08:27

I'm pleased your DH is supporting you in this now schroedinger.

kat2504 · 15/09/2011 08:29

I'm on medication for the moment throughout my pregnancy. In the leaflet it says not to take it if you are breastfeeding but the doctors, and people who have been on it on the internet, and someone I know in RL, say different.

Jelly15 · 15/09/2011 08:32

Your SIL sounds like a spoilt cow who is used to getting her own way. I had this with one of my SILs who didn't have any children of her own. Me and DH were very young with our first and ILs very pushy. DS was born I turned into a lioness. I did what was best for DS, myself and DH first our own families were welcome but on our terms.

As for the dog issue, I won't go anywhere near my sisters house with a child as her dog is unpredictable.

Squitten · 15/09/2011 08:35

Crikey - I'm really shocked that there are so many examples of people who think it's ok to take a newborn away from its mother as soon as it pops out! That is just bizarre!

Glad to hear you're not having any of it OP!

JumpJockey · 15/09/2011 08:37

I went round last week to visit a friend whose baby was a week old, I held said baby for 5 mins so she could have a shower and the second she was out she came straight back to check baby was ok. That is entirely normal behaviour. Letting someone, even if they're family, take the baby for a whole day is not, and she's totally unreasonable to think you'd agree to it.