...to think that if one of your guests is pregnant, and a big feature of dinner is a huge, delicious-looking cheese plate...

[LoveInAColdClimate]

...at least one of those cheeses should be pasteurised? Had dinner with PIL (who are lovely and who I get on with really well, so this is not a general sniping thread) last night, which featured, as pudding, a big "proper cheese shop" cheese board, but no cheese I could eat. They know what I can have and what I can't, so this can't have been a mistake. I have been v spoilt at other friends' and family who have sought out yummy cheese I'm able to eat, so I know I'm v lucky. But when pregnant or no-cows'-milk friends come to ours for supper, I love sourcing cheese they can eat if I'm doing cheese as part of the meal. It just seemed a bit weird to make half the meal something I couldn't have. Am I being precious or is this odd, especially as the cheese had been specially bought and so one type I could eat could have been chucked in? Frankly a bit of cheddar would have been fine, I just felt really left out.

You're being precious I'm afraid. You're taking it too personally. It's just cheese.

nope, you just say no thank you if you dont want to eat it

no one deserves speshul treatment cos they is pregnant

YABU, but seeing as you're pregnant you're allowed Bit of an oversight on your PILs part but I'm sure it wasn't intentional. To be honest the rules about cheese and suchlike are a bit over the top anyway IMO. I can understand you being cautious of course but really in the scheme of things it was a small mistake.

I'd just have had biscuits and fruit

Are you sure that they knew what type of cheese you could eat?

When your MIL was pregnant, this advice wasn't around, you ate whatever you wanted.

Just ignore it, it might seem like, but your not going to be pregnant forever, so unless they usually display thoughtless behaviour towards you, it doesn't really matter.

YABU and a bit precious.

I would have eaten the cheese regardless. I'm a bit devil-may-care about these things though. Plus I love cheese a bit too much. I think that a lot of my friends would have felt the same though.

They might have known but not have realised what it actually meant or simply not thought it through.

Did you say you couldn't eat the cheese because of the baby or did you just grin and bear it? n They may well be saying how rude you are today if you didn't make some kind of indication that it's such a shame you can't have any and it will be a while yet before you can...

And yes friends (presumably around your own gae) are more likely to think of you probably having been in a similar position themselves. Your MIL is from an era where such things were not worried about and probably didn't think it through even if she had been told previously.

Unless this is one of many similar incidents I wouldn't take it too personally at this stage.

If they knew you wouldn't be allowed to have it then I think they were being jolly rude.

Yanbu. I don't think it's precious to feel you pil should have considered you. She's carrying their grandchild after all, a bit thoughless of them I think. I'd let it go though, not a big deal in the scheme of things. Also maybe they genuinely didn't know you couldn't eat it - though I'd have thought they'd have commented had this been the case.

YABU. Surely there were other courses & not just a cheese board.
Not everyone is aware of pregnant women being advised against eating unpasteurised cheese.

When I was pregnant my friend ( a midwife) gave me Tiramisu made with raw eggs ! She was surprised when I declined.

If they were aware of what was what then yes, it was thoughtless. No different to not catering for an allergy etc. Yes, some will say they would have eaten it anyway but it's for you to decide what risks you take with your pregnancy, not other people.

You said they were nice but then said this wasnt a mistake they knew what you can and cant eat so you're suggesting this was deliberate of them?

I highly doubt that. When youre pregnant you just have to suck it up and accept that you cant have a few things. Its not for long, the world is not against you.

'When your MIL was pregnant, this advice wasn't around, you ate whatever you wanted. '

God, yes! My pregnancy was so much less fraught 21 years ago.
Did you tell them why you couldn't eat any of the cheese, or did they have to guess, OP?

I went to someone's house when I was pg with dd. Goats cheese and Pate was the starter :-S Reheated chicken as the main and then cheesecake for pudding which would have been ok if she'd not smoothered cream all over it as I despise cream.

Some people do not think.

They had a cheese board without ANY cheese safe to eat in pregnancy??! None of these?

Safe cheeses in pregnancy

* Hard cheeses: smoked versions, caerphilly, cheddar, cheshire, derby, double gloucester, edam, emmental, English goat's cheddar, feta, gouda, gruyere, halloumi, havarti, jarlsberg, lancashire, manchego, orkney, paneer, parmesan, pecorino (hard), provolone, red leicester.

* Soft, processed cheeses: garlic and herb roulade, cottage cheese, cream cheese, feta, goat's cheese without a white rind, mascarpone, mozzarella, processed cheese (such as cheese spread and cheese segments), quark, ricotta. 

YANBU, based more on the fact that their cheese board didn't have nearly enough selection of good stuff.

When I had DD1 there was no rule on cheese and not much advice on alcohol for that matter. If you can't eat it, don't. I would not want other people to buy food in especially for me, don't be precious.

How do you know that none of the cheeses were pasteurised? Could they not have given you a bit of cheddar from the fridge? (Everyone has cheddar in the fridge)

I do think you are being a bit precious though - you could have chomped on a cracker. I spent my pregnancy living somewhere where you couldn't get pasteurised milk - we used to boil it like mad after collecting it in the churn from the farmer.

Yes, some people just don't think! When I was pregnant, I make a lovely pudding to take to my friends house. I made tiramisu complete with raw eggs and it wasn't until i was heading out the door that I twigged that I couldn't eat it!!

YABU .... I doubt very much they stood at the cheese counter deliberately picking cheeses that you couldn't eat. As somebody else said, I would bet that they didn't even realise there were cheeses you couldn't eat.

I did not really know about the cheese/pregnancy until I joined mumsnet. Chances are your in-laws didn't either.

YANBU to wish you could have joined in when it was all so delicious looking!

YWBU to blame PILs - the advice wouldn't have been around in their child-producing years, and it just won't have occurred to them.

DH did me a post-natal picnic involving pate and cheeses. It was wonderful!