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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think that if one of your guests is pregnant, and a big feature of dinner is a huge, delicious-looking cheese plate...

259 replies

LoveInAColdClimate · 10/09/2011 10:12

...at least one of those cheeses should be pasteurised? Had dinner with PIL (who are lovely and who I get on with really well, so this is not a general sniping thread) last night, which featured, as pudding, a big "proper cheese shop" cheese board, but no cheese I could eat. They know what I can have and what I can't, so this can't have been a mistake. I have been v spoilt at other friends' and family who have sought out yummy cheese I'm able to eat, so I know I'm v lucky. But when pregnant or no-cows'-milk friends come to ours for supper, I love sourcing cheese they can eat if I'm doing cheese as part of the meal. It just seemed a bit weird to make half the meal something I couldn't have. Am I being precious or is this odd, especially as the cheese had been specially bought and so one type I could eat could have been chucked in? Frankly a bit of cheddar would have been fine, I just felt really left out.

OP posts:
working9while5 · 10/09/2011 18:32

I am surprised at this thread.

I think that expecting this sort of special treatment while pregnant is not some sort of terrible, I-think-I-am-the-centre-of-the-universe precious thing.

Most of us only have pregnancies twice in our entire lives and it is special, and hugely important. I never understand why MN needs to be so dismissive of it as a state. I remember similar treatment when I posted, at about 40 + 10 that I was annoyed at my dh being uncontactable at work even though when he left in the morning, I had been having regular pains! How precious to want your partner to be reachable when you are in labour!

Perhaps I also have a different view as I am personally acquainted with someone who lost an unborn child because of listeriosis (incidentally someone living on the continent and eating a typical diet of soft cheeses, deli meats etc). It's an incredibly tiny risk but if you've met someone who's suffered the consequences, it's harder to scoff about it. I wouldn't touch a soft or mould ripened cheese or deli meat in pregnancy as a result, even if my head tells me that there are greater risks.

OP, I don't think you are nearly half as unreasonable as is being made out.

RealityVonCrapp · 10/09/2011 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joannita · 10/09/2011 18:39

I think they probably didn't realise you couldn't eat the cheese, but I totally understand that you would be cheesed off! I remember going to a friend's house when I was pregnant and they'd just come back from France with shed loads of cheese, pate, wine, cured ham etc. I didn't feel offended but I did feel a bit fed up. And I agree with working9while5 that being pregnant IS special. Just can't expect everyone to be up on what you're allowed to eat, especially because they're always changing the rules!

Original poster
LoveInAColdClimate · 10/09/2011 18:39

That's interesting what you say about deli meats, working. I am so terribly sorry for your friend's loss. I have been quite strict about cheese but relaxed about deli meats as I understood the UK advice was that they were ok. I wouldn't buy them from a sandwich shop where they'd been sat under lights all day, or a dubious looking deli, but have eaten lots from supermarket. I wonder if I should be more concerned... I have also been eating runny soft-boiled eggs as long as they're not from organic or home-grown hens as UK hens are all vaccinated against salmonella, but I wonder if I should be doing so really when the risks may be very low but the stakes are so high...

BTW, I would also have been upset about not being able to contact DH when in labour! I have worried about that as he is terrible about answering phone at work but that's probably another thread! I assume he made it home in time?!

OP posts:
omnishambles · 10/09/2011 18:41

I would eat the cheese if I fancied it and ate sushi and sashimi throughout my pgs as well as long as it had been frozen or not frozen - cant remember which way round it was tbh.

I was going to make a point about lots of pg women being really strict about cheeses and meat and all sorts of things and then gaily heating up bottles of formula completely wrong (SIL I'm looking worriedly at you) but I won't as it would be wanky.

Original poster
LoveInAColdClimate · 10/09/2011 18:42

Reality, is that right about supermarket Brie and Camembert (sorry for automatic capitalisation, am not a wanker, the iPad does it automatically)? I thought unless it was marked as pasteurised, it was unpasturised? Am I wrong? That would be good news!

Thanks to all those who don't think am BU and thanks for the input to those who do.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveInAColdClimate · 10/09/2011 18:44

Omnishambles - I have also been eating pre-frozen sushi and sashimi but am nervous of the risks of listeriosis from soft/blue cheese. Am hoping to EBF so really hoping not to have to worry about formula...

OP posts:
Milsean · 10/09/2011 18:49

twice? thats an arbitrary figure. I've had four, which is about average amongst my friends. Which means 3 full years that no-one was meant to eat nice cheese around me? Sounds silly to me, you're not supposed to drink while pregnant either, should nobody around me have had a drink for 3 years either?

RealityVonCrapp · 10/09/2011 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LoveInAColdClimate · 10/09/2011 19:01

Oooh, thanks, Reality. I did look at the ones in our smallish local supermarket where I do almost all our shopping and they were all unpasturised but will try checking in a bigger supermarket. You may have solved my Brie woes without the need for a drive of some hundreds of miles for the Cornish one Grin.

Milsean, no one, least of all me or working (who I assume is the poster you're having a dig at?), has suggested that people shouldn't eat cheese around a pregnant woman, just that when providing food to guests, it's nice to make sure that they can eat at least some of each course. I've never said that each cheese should have been pregnancy friendly, just that it would have been considerate to make sure that one was. Similarly, I have a friend who is allergic to cow's milk, so if she comes for dinner, I make sure one of the cheeses is goat or sheep, but not that the whole cheese board is.

OP posts:
Moobee · 10/09/2011 19:14

Sorry to disappoint, but the NHS says not to eat Brie whether it's pasteurised or not:

www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/why-cant-I-eat-soft-cheeses-during-pregnancy.aspx?CategoryID=54&SubCategoryID=216

And for the record, you were not being unreasonable. Wen I got married, we served cheese as a major component of the evening buffet. My pregnant friend said she didn't want unpasteurised cheese (even the hard stuff which is ok according to NHS). I was happy to ensure there were two or three hard pasteurised cheese because she was my guest and I wanted her to be happy and feel included.

Likewise if someone says they don't want to eat gluten, I don't demand proof of a medical condition, I just plan around that.

Original poster
LoveInAColdClimate · 10/09/2011 19:17

Oh crapsticks! Oooops! Thanks, Moobee. Er, I assume that if I had caught listeriosis from eating huge piles of pasteurised Cornish Brie, I would have been really unwell and definitely known about it?

OP posts:
LaWeasel · 10/09/2011 19:17

President brie is definately pasteurised, and if you are still concerned you can always cook it (everyone loves brie on toast Grin)

Moobee · 10/09/2011 19:23

Sorry to be such a downer! I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant and looking forward to runny Brie and a good red wine! I checked the nhs page again and it said there were only an estimated 156 cases of listeriosis in 2010 so the risk is tiny (but you're not at all unreasonable to want to avoid it). I wouldn't worry. :)

hairylights · 10/09/2011 19:24

laweasil will you marry me, just for that piece of information? I have sooooo missed Brie!

LaWeasel · 10/09/2011 19:26

Grin I'm sure I read it on another thread right at the end of my first pregnancy and felt the same!

hiddenhome · 10/09/2011 19:27

My late FIL used to try and feed me out of date and ancient rank foods when I visited their house whilst pregnant Hmm They just didn't think and it wasn't an issue at all to them. You just have to get on with it and protect yourself in your own way even if it means going without sometimes.

working9while5 · 10/09/2011 20:01

Milsean, you're being facetious. I said most women will be pregnant twice in their life as this is the statistical average for live births in this country (though of course, there may be very many more pregnancy losses). Great for you, you have had four. Are they less special and important because you've had four? it is, as you say, 36 months or so of your whole life.

Where you got the idea that I was suggesting that people shouldn't eat nice cheese or drink alcohol around a pregnant woman is beyond me. This isn't what the OP suggested either.

It's polite to offer your guests food and drink that they can consume, whether they are pregnant, vegetarian, have religious requirements with reference to food or are teetotal.

warthog · 10/09/2011 20:17

i'll say it again.

JUST BECAUSE CHEESE IS PASTEURISED, IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN EAT IT WHILE PG

Milsean · 10/09/2011 20:27

It does actually, according to other countries guidelines. Why assume your own is perfectly correct, warthog? Pasteurisation does kill listeria.

In the US, you have to go back nearly 20 years to find 2 cases of listeriosis attributed to pasteurised milk, not cheese. I can't find any others, except in mexican cheese which wasn't fully pasteurised.

and working, no not being facetious, I was wondering why you settled on two, no need to be so rude about it. I've had four pregnancies, not four children, not sure what the dig about being special, for that isHmm

Georgimama · 10/09/2011 20:32

OP listeriosis isn't something that is uniquely dangerous to pregnant women and unborn babies, it is dangerous to anyone. And rare. You would feel ill if you had it.

nooka · 10/09/2011 20:33

I assumed that the cheese board included hard cheeses and that you were being a bit OTT. However if they only served blue/runny cheese then they were being very unreasonable and you are quite 'within your rights' to be upset. Perhaps they got muddled and only remembered what you couldn't have rather then what you could have?

Milsean · 10/09/2011 20:35

Well yes, but if you aren't pregnant, a neonate, elserly or immuno-compromised you're far less likely to get it anyway, they make up the vast majority of cases, and if you are not one of these groups and do get it, it is much less dangerous.

thenightsky · 10/09/2011 20:40

I ate brie every day for lunch when pregnant with DD (1986) I didn't know it was bad Blush

AliGrylls · 10/09/2011 20:46

If the government had their way all pregnant women would be hooked up to an IV drip and would be fed parenterally. The government guidelines are so OTT it is ridiculous.

I do appreciate some people like to follow guidelines but I would never be issuing a list of foods I couldn't eat and also - FFS - it's a cheese board not a main meal.