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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think that if one of your guests is pregnant, and a big feature of dinner is a huge, delicious-looking cheese plate...

259 replies

LoveInAColdClimate · 10/09/2011 10:12

...at least one of those cheeses should be pasteurised? Had dinner with PIL (who are lovely and who I get on with really well, so this is not a general sniping thread) last night, which featured, as pudding, a big "proper cheese shop" cheese board, but no cheese I could eat. They know what I can have and what I can't, so this can't have been a mistake. I have been v spoilt at other friends' and family who have sought out yummy cheese I'm able to eat, so I know I'm v lucky. But when pregnant or no-cows'-milk friends come to ours for supper, I love sourcing cheese they can eat if I'm doing cheese as part of the meal. It just seemed a bit weird to make half the meal something I couldn't have. Am I being precious or is this odd, especially as the cheese had been specially bought and so one type I could eat could have been chucked in? Frankly a bit of cheddar would have been fine, I just felt really left out.

OP posts:
Milsean · 10/09/2011 11:33

but you're more likely to get listeriosis (in that you're not at all likely to get it at all, its very rare) from hotdogs, deli meat, or salad. Are the cheese avoiders not eating those either?

RitaMorgan · 10/09/2011 11:37

Well, it is a risk - but it is a very small risk.

People keep mentioning that the French eat soft cheese while pregnant - but apparently they won't touch berries (or is that Italians?). Either way it illustrates that the perception of risks and what must be avoided is a very culturally specific thing.

Catslikehats · 10/09/2011 11:38

milsean I think in Australia and the US govt guidelines suggest that those things are also avoided.

I ate cheese throughout my pregnancies. I suppose I weighed up the risks and decided it was an appropriate one to take but I dispair on threads like this when it becomes clear that the vast majority of people have no idea about why they should be avoiding something and so have made an assesment based on myth.

BoringSchoolChoiceNickname · 10/09/2011 11:39

Yes it's very strange how few people avoid salad (and how rare it is to be told to avoid salad).

Deli meats are quite a well known risk I think though. I did also avoid Mr Whippy ice-cream through both pgs on the grounds of listeria risk....god that was tough, I craved them. My post-birth treat list consisted of a huge bloody steak with béarnaise sauce and a 99.

hairylights · 10/09/2011 11:40

Yanbu! In my book one caters for those one has invited for food - it's kind of like putting a hog roast on for a vegetarian.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 10/09/2011 11:41

I would have eaten the cheese. But then I ate whatever the hell I liked whilst pregnant. I have never eaten anything which has made me ill and that includes home made Mayo, steak so undercooked it's still mooing and various other delicious things. And I had the odd glass of wine, and didn't move away from my friends if they had a fag. I also continued to ride my horse, lift bags of feed, muck out an generally carry on as normal.
But that was my choice, if you didnt feel comfortable eating it, fine, but you shouldnt expect people who are hosting a meal for you to check the label on anything they buy just in case it happens to contain some substance which may in a microscopically small number of cases cause a problem to a pregnant woman. Getting in a car whilst pregnant I would think causes a significant risk to a pregnant women if someone crashes into you, but no one ever tells you not to drive whilst pregnant do they? Sorry, this has turned into rather a rant against all the things you aren't supposed to do whilst pregnant, and is not directed at the op, so please don't take offence, I have just had a number of pregnant friends spout a load of stuff their midwife said wasn't ok and I'm like ???? Wtf?
OP yanbu to eat any of it if you didn't feel comfortable but I'm afraid yab a bit u to expect your hosts to rethink their menu based around current guidelines for pregnant women.

OrangeHedgehog · 10/09/2011 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Milsean · 10/09/2011 11:44

I think if you added together all of the guidelines from every country in the world and avoiding everything on that list, you would starve to death.

Personally I think that people are reacting to over-involvement, over-regulation, and the feeling that one is somehow public property when pregnant. Or that could just be me. Smile

fortyplus · 10/09/2011 11:47

My mil used to make fab home made ice cream with raw eggs and gaily serve it when we went round - but would just make a joke about me having to be deprived for the sake of her unborn grandchild! I didn't mind - it's only 9 months and we'd laugh about it together. She used to keep a tub of Walls in the freezer for me! Grin

thekidsmom · 10/09/2011 11:49

just not the kind of thing we worried about even 20 years ago when I was first pregnant so I'm sure your in laws can't be expected to know whats on the list.... I still don't, tbh.

Original poster
LoveInAColdClimate · 10/09/2011 11:57

Sorry, I am still here, haven't vanished, just got tied up with some RL stuff! Will respond properly later. Thanks.

OP posts:
Acandlelitshadow · 10/09/2011 11:57

Yes, you're being precious.

HPonEverything · 10/09/2011 12:00

What country are you in OP?
I was under the impression that pretty much ALL cheeses that can be bought in English supermarkets were safe (aside from the mouldy and blue vein type cheeses). Even our goats cheese is fine as it's pasteurised.

At 8 months pregnant and a massive cheese fan myself I think I'd have been inclined to have had some regardless. I find it hard to believe they just had a plate of mouldy/blue cheeses on offer because even in my non-pregnant state I wouldn't have indulged. Yak.

Why isn't Wensleydale on PedigreeChump's list? I've been chowing down on that my whole pregnancy (the 'with cranberries' one, it's one of my five a day! :o)

kirsty75005 · 10/09/2011 12:01

When I was pregnant (not that long ago) my doctor told me that any hard cheeses were OK, pasteurised or not, as were any pasteurised cheeses. There is cheese that doesn't fit into either of those categories but it's a small minority, but maybe my doctor is wrong...

MordechaiVanunu · 10/09/2011 12:02

YNBU to have a brief humpy type thought at the table along the lines of 'i can't eat that.'

YABU to go away and myther about this to the extent that it bothers you enough to post about it.

Get a grip seems appropriate here.

Honestly I was last pregnant 10years ago and Ive already forgotten half the rules, so have made slip ups with pregnant friends who've come round and had to make a choice about whether to eat cheese cake or not. It was no big deal.

This will seem amazing to you but often I even forget for a while that people are pregnant as their 'with child' state is not central to my existence, I'm just looking forward to a chat with them over dinner.

Your pregnancy is not that a big a deal to most people.

I'm a veggie, last weekend we went to stay with old friend we'd not seen for a year who had obviously forgotten this and he had made a big shepherds pie. I chose to keep his 'mistake' to myself and just scrape off as much potato topping as possible and just grit my teeth if a little bit of lamb did get caught up.

I feel embarrassed by the inconvenience my veggieness puts people to. Most people do try to accommodate me which I very much appreciate, but I don't issue lists and get huffy if they don't.

worraliberty · 10/09/2011 12:04

I'm glad the OP came back

I thought she was cheesed off with the replies Grin

Whatmeworry · 10/09/2011 12:06

I suspect that the whole cheese rules stupidity wasn't around in PIL day.

ExitPursuedByATroll · 10/09/2011 12:11

I think you need to tell us exactly what was on the cheeseboard OP. Did it really not have any hard cheese? If so, it was a shite cheeseboard imo and I would have been more upset by that, pregnant or not.

I love cheese.

AlpinePony · 10/09/2011 12:14

Yabu.

If you come to mine I shall serve something deserving of your palate - la vache qui rit perhaps.

Pagwatch · 10/09/2011 12:15

I know it was a big pike of cheese but astonished that it could have been pasteurised. Waist height would have been impressive enough.

ExitPursuedByATroll · 10/09/2011 12:17

[groan] Pag

notlettingthefearshow · 10/09/2011 12:22

YABU. Many nice cheeses are strictly speaking off the menu, although most pg women probably eat them anyway!

They probably don't know about all the cheeses you aren't supposed to eat - it's quite new the idea of only eating pasturised cheese.

Now, if the main course had been sashimi ...

Anniegetyourgun · 10/09/2011 12:23

Mouldy cheeses are gross anyway. If anything else went mouldy you'd throw it away. Ah, you say, but this is a special type of mould. I'm happy to take your word for that, but I'm still not going to eat it thanks.

Er, what were we talking about?

Catsmamma · 10/09/2011 12:24

all this fuss about cheese is mainly idiocy imo

people hear unpasteurised cheeses are not recommended and extrapolate that to not walking past the Dairylea cos cheese is dangerous pregnant or not

and thanks Pag, now I am humming

MrsFruitcake · 10/09/2011 12:25

YAB a little U.

I love cheese, as do my in-laws and whenever they did a cheeseboard after dinner when I was pregnant, I just had crackers and butter which I enjoyed. You're pregnant, there are just some things you have forgo without making too much fuss.