...to think that if one of your guests is pregnant, and a big feature of dinner is a huge, delicious-looking cheese plate...

[LoveInAColdClimate]

...at least one of those cheeses should be pasteurised? Had dinner with PIL (who are lovely and who I get on with really well, so this is not a general sniping thread) last night, which featured, as pudding, a big "proper cheese shop" cheese board, but no cheese I could eat. They know what I can have and what I can't, so this can't have been a mistake. I have been v spoilt at other friends' and family who have sought out yummy cheese I'm able to eat, so I know I'm v lucky. But when pregnant or no-cows'-milk friends come to ours for supper, I love sourcing cheese they can eat if I'm doing cheese as part of the meal. It just seemed a bit weird to make half the meal something I couldn't have. Am I being precious or is this odd, especially as the cheese had been specially bought and so one type I could eat could have been chucked in? Frankly a bit of cheddar would have been fine, I just felt really left out.

Yabu....I doubt an otherwise "lovely"(your word) set of PILs would deliberately sabotage the cheese board. Do you think they sat and held a cheese society meeting where they planned the strategy of cheeses you couldn't eat?

They probably did not realise out of a large selection you could not eat any of it.

YABU, mmost of these cheese plates come with cheeses not suitable for vegetarians either yet it's something you just have to live with even if they look delicious!

YABU I'm afraid, presumably there was some food there you could eat, so it's not as though they were starving you, you just had to skip pudding which is not the end of the world (and probably a good thing for most of us if we're honest!).

I doubt they did it on purpose, they probably had no idea that some pregnant women prefer to avoid certain cheeses these days, and you can't expect everyone's life to revolve around your pregnancy anyway.

YANBU. I do make an effort to accommodate people's dietary needs. As you say if they'd chosen all the cheese specially they could have put something in for you.

I had whole meals when I was pregnant where I couldn't eat anything. I wouldn't have minded so much if I hadn't been consulted beforehand and assured they would make something I could eat - I'd give them the list of banned food and they'd say in a crestfallen manner oh I was planning to just do X totally banned thing. Well why ask then?

FWIW as I understood it, you can have unpasteurised hard cheese in pregnancy. You can't have any mould-ripened soft cheese, pasteurised or not.

you are being too touchy.you dont have to expect everyone to tippytoe around your pregnancy. weird is your ott reaction

YANBU to think your pil's should have considered you, but if you are going to make an issue of this YABU not to undestand that pasturisation is not the issue re listeria safety

YANBU if there was nothing else on offer. Almost happened to me at PILs and I was a ravenous pregnant lady. They had some cheddar so ate all that instead. Wasnt done on purpose and i wouldn't expect them to know exactly what you can and can't eat when pregnant.

I would have eaten the cheese anyway, and indeed did when pregnant.
I also had amalgam fillings and a dental x-ray.

I'm very skeptical about all this modern advice . I guess that makes me an old bat

YABU.

And Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooring.

They were being unreasonable if there was no yummy extra mature farmhouse cheddar.
Other than that, they were probably just not aware. Cheese is cheese to most people. As other people have said, it's up to you to choose what is suitable food during pregnancy, not other people.

Jasper

I'm a young bat

I swear all this hysterical preciousness about pregnancy is just an MN thing. Pretty much everyone I know personally who's been pregnant (4 sisters adn many friends) would've sneaked a smidge of something delicious on a cracker, said thank you, and washed it down with half a glass of red

Cheese didn't used to be poisonous when I was pregnant.

I think you are being a teensy bit precious, but then I play fast and loose like the French and have just this morning enjoyed brie on toast

sacre bleu!

YABU.

If you had just eaten the cheese and relaxed for an evening, you know what would happened?? Nothing! I ate all manner of cheeses when i was PG, never occured to me not to.

Ah sneaky in-laws!

They were hoping you would:
a) be so offended you would flounce out of the house and your marriage and then when the baby arrives they can 'support' dh in claiming custody and steal your baby
b) eat the cheese - thus showing you were a Bad Mother and then they could proceed as in a)

or c) they bought the cheese they like and forgot that some pregnant women won't eat it.

Do you feel better now?

YNABU if they knew that
YABU if they didn't know that

I know you said they know what you can and can't eat - but are you sure they know which cheeses you can & can't eat - and but are you completely sure you know what you can & can't eat because it does seem highly unlikely that such a lavish cheese board wouldn't contain any cheese you could eat.

[Have you seen the other thread? AIBU to think my DIL is ungrateful? I spent half a day choosing cheese for the cheese board that she can eat while pregnant, because she loves cheese, and she didn't have a single bit!]

Some overreactions here and not from the OP. If someone invites you for dinner, you'd be justified in being a little cheesed off (ho ho) that you couldn't eat one of the courses, whatever the reason. It's not about being that hairy old lazy MN argument of entitled, it's just a little bit off to cater for a guest and not put too much thought into what they could eat, whatever the reason.

My SIL hates meat on the bone, no reason, it just makes her shudder. So I would never give her a lamb shank etc, I just wouldn't.

It's cheese FFS!!

Get over yourself.

How on earth could you have a huge cheese board with no hard cheeses? Just don't believe it.

Oh and YABU because all cheese is vile.

Are your PIL French? I was aware of the cheese guidelines while pregnant, but while on a girl's weekend to Paris, which included a cooking class, the French women scoffed at me not being able to eat the unpasteurised cheeses, and said the pregnant French women do, and that the risks were minimal ("More chance of being hit by a bus").

When in France ... I tried all of the cheeses. Delicious! :-)

oh FGS!