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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to live on my own due to finances?

119 replies

buterflies · 09/09/2011 18:06

I am saddened to ask my partner to leave the family home and move back in with his grandma as we cannot cope financially living together.

My partner works full time and I work 18 hours a week although we are both on a fairly low income.

I have one child, my partners step dad to him and we have one on the way.

We have decided the only way we can manage is to live apart meaning I can claim extra tax credits. It is not a decision we have taken lightly but we feel its the only way we can live at the moment.

OP posts:
knittedbreast · 09/09/2011 18:09

yo have no idea how many other families i know who are living the same way. im really sorry.

I know how hard that can be

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 09/09/2011 18:09

But you're not really a single parent then are you? I'd be very careful you're not caught out tbh.

LaurieFairyCake · 09/09/2011 18:09

Really? wont you get more when your second child is born?

I think you should really try to stay together if it's only finances keeping you apart - maybe if you post your budget someone will have some ideas.

So sorry for you Sad - it's a shit reason to break up a family.

knittedbreast · 09/09/2011 18:12

its not illegal, you can live apart as a couple still.

Lots of families are doing this as they cant afford to live together-its very very sad

NettoSuperstar · 09/09/2011 18:13

You will have to keep finances completely separate or you will be breaking the law.

Original poster
buterflies · 09/09/2011 18:16

He wont be living with me he will physically be staying at his grandmas so no chance of being "caught out".

Its a shitty situation and to be honest I am really worried about how it is going to affect us as a couple/family.

Together we earn about 20500 a year and get 20 a week child tax credit, it just isnt enough to pay all our outgoings. No point in me working more as one am pregnant and two cant afford childcare.

We are entitled to roughly 10 pound a week more once second baby is born.

OP posts:
Portofino · 09/09/2011 18:17

Did you not think about this before getting PG again? Surely you knew you couldn't afford it? I know I'll get flamed for this.....

fedupandtired · 09/09/2011 18:18

But surely it costs more to run two households.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 09/09/2011 18:19

But if you give up work then when you sign onto income support they will also make you make a claim for maintenence through the CSA, which will screw your partner financially even more. It's worth going to the CAB before you do somehting so drastic.

LaurieFairyCake · 09/09/2011 18:22

You've got 22k a year coming in - do you get housing benefit?

Can you move somewhere where you would. The 22k sounds doable, what's the problem? Genuine question - what do you think is your biggest unavoidable expense?

Are you sure you're getting everything you're entitled too?

Original poster
buterflies · 09/09/2011 18:22

portofino, yeah we did think about it but unfortunetly my hours at work got dropped and my mum isnt able to offer as much childcare as she did due to health reasons, so things changed quite quickly. And fedupand tired as he will be living with his grandma he will only have to pay board and partial council tax

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 09/09/2011 18:25

No he won't - he will have to pay child support too.

Not to mention the fact that you will have no one to help you, he won't be able to stay there much.

It sounds awful.

Original poster
buterflies · 09/09/2011 18:27

he wont have to pay child support as I work so I dont have to claim it, besides CSA is a F**kin joke, my son is 6 and I havent seen a penny for him, I closed my case against his day as it stressed me out so much

OP posts:
Original poster
buterflies · 09/09/2011 18:27

dad not day

OP posts:
Original poster
buterflies · 09/09/2011 18:28

got to go now will be on later

OP posts:
knittedbreast · 09/09/2011 18:29

you do not have to use the csa when apply for income support, in fact if you can arrange it yourselves then all the better.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 09/09/2011 18:30

If you have to give up work anyway to look after the children, your income will have dropped enough to actually get more tax credits I suspect. I don't think you've considered all the consequences this decision will have.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 09/09/2011 18:32

If you decline to use the CSA you will recieve a visit from a compliance officer. I know as this happened to me, my dd's dad was a student at the time so I thought I was saving them the trouble as they'd not have got a penny from him. Now I realise why they visited my house- to check we weren;t really still together.

jellybeans208 · 09/09/2011 18:51

We earn about the same but have a mortgage down South, childcare costs, a car and everything else and we can still afford to live together. We get no tax credits to keep as it all goes on childcare. Are you sure you arent spnding too much in some areas?

Atwaroverscrabble · 09/09/2011 19:01

Have a look on moneysavingexpert.com for some advice on budgetting etc

knittedbreast · 09/09/2011 19:10

if you decline to use the csa perhaps, but if you already have a personal arrangement set up then it should be fine.

This is what I was advised

digitalrevolution · 09/09/2011 19:22

Do you want to remain in an emotional/sexual relationship with your partner? Because I would worry about the impact on the relationship if you weren't spending so much time together...what would he do with all his spare evenings if he isn't going to spend them with you and your children? And what kind of impact will it have on your current child and the new one?

GypsyMoth · 09/09/2011 19:49

Fuckity........ Those 'rules' about income support and CSA changed ages ago!!

GypsyMoth · 09/09/2011 19:51

So op you want to lie to tax credits and claim as a single patent when in fact you are still very much in a relationship?

GypsyMoth · 09/09/2011 19:51

*parent

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