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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to live on my own due to finances?

119 replies

buterflies · 09/09/2011 18:06

I am saddened to ask my partner to leave the family home and move back in with his grandma as we cannot cope financially living together.

My partner works full time and I work 18 hours a week although we are both on a fairly low income.

I have one child, my partners step dad to him and we have one on the way.

We have decided the only way we can manage is to live apart meaning I can claim extra tax credits. It is not a decision we have taken lightly but we feel its the only way we can live at the moment.

OP posts:

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 09/09/2011 19:52

Well, I am an old gimmer, and the CSA don't know their arse from their elbow so I can;t say I'm surprised. My point is that somehow, if you are actually still in a relationship, you will get caught out one way or another. And then you really will be worse off financially if you have to repay tax credits.

GypsyMoth · 09/09/2011 20:00

Tax credits have a compliance team, and yes, I agree, they will find out about this. It's fraud. Benefit fraud

nailak · 09/09/2011 20:00

you dont have to declare a partner if you are in a relationship, only if living as a couple

QueenOfToast · 09/09/2011 20:02

I don't know what the job situation is where you live but wouldn't it be better for you to stay together and for one of you to get a 2nd job and work some additional hours in the evenings or at the weekend?

I know that it might mean that you would see a bit less of each other but it will probably be no worse than if he has to move out - at least you'd be waking up together every day.

FWIW I had to do this about 10 years ago and I managed to make an extra £65 or so a week (after tax) by working behind the bar in a nightclub for 2 nights a week.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 09/09/2011 20:03

But there are limits to this. You are allowed to have a partner stay over 3 nights a week iirc, and finances must be seperate. I don't see how it will work. This is no different in my eyes than if your partner had to work away a few nights a week, you'd still have to claim as a couple.

bubbles4 · 09/09/2011 20:07

I think the 3 nights a week thing is an urban myth,as has been stated on here many times.

cantspel · 09/09/2011 20:08

The 3 night thing is not true and an urban myth. What makes you a couple is joint finances, shopping together, doing things together that a couple would do ect.

GypsyMoth · 09/09/2011 20:08

Fuckity....... There is no set amount of nights. It's a myth!

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 09/09/2011 20:10

Fair enough. A quick google tells me that :'NO it?s not true. This is a common misconception. The benefit office takes absolutely no account of the number of days any partner may stay over. It does however take account of the whole picture and looks at the whole relationship to determine if the claim as a single person is genuine.'
In which case I still think the OP would be in hot water if found out.

lydiamama · 09/09/2011 20:11

Think it again OP, it is awful to split a perfect family over money, sure you can cut on something else, and what about going to live with his gran all of you? would she agree? you could be together. Spending less in rent (if you are renting), you will need you baby's father and your partner, he will need his wife and to see his children, it is unfair to everyone, no no you need to find another solution, spend the minimum, do not buy clothes, no beer or wine, budget your food, buy supermarket brands, get second hand things for the new baby, and you will be able to do it with that income. Good luck,

dirtydishesmakemesad · 09/09/2011 20:12

I cant see how you would be better off tbh? your income is roughly the same as ours and there is no way that we would be better of me living alone with the kids and their dad at his mums, granted w have 4 but i just dont get it - are you sure it would work out as you imagine?
Plus there are many non financial and moral reasons why this is an awful idea. If you are struggling that much it would be better to look at other ways to help splitting up your family should never be one of those options imo.

Sandalwood · 09/09/2011 20:15

As well as all the other reasons: it's not fair on the grandma. She will lose out on any benefits she may be entitled too (council tax etc).

RandomMess · 09/09/2011 20:18

Are you claiming for housing benefit (if you are renting) and council tax benefit, we got partial help on that level of income, from memory if you are both working then your childcare costs are allowable.

Also when the baby is born then you will get extra child benefit and £2,600 of your income is not counted as income for tax credit purposes so your CTC will go up.

Sandalwood · 09/09/2011 20:20

And don't underestimate the emotional support/night times/sharing the jobs etc (for all of you, not just you).

MrsPlesWearsAFez · 09/09/2011 20:20

Why is it that you're not managing on the money that you have comin in at the mOment?

Would better budgeting not be preferable to splitting up your family?

Morally this is rather dubious, and I'm not convinced that this is above board and not in fact benefit fraud.

Newbabynewmum · 09/09/2011 20:22

Can't you make it work? I know it's hard on that money but to split up just to gain benefits that technically you're not entitled to seems a little off to me. This comes from a "proper" single mum who does claim but would give my right arm to have a DP to live with. Can't you make it work? £20k is a fair amount of money. (I know things are expensive though trust me)

GypsyMoth · 09/09/2011 20:24

Of course it's fraud!

It's claiming money you aren't entitled to! Lying to obtain it.

But op, do remember, it will be you, the claimant who will be in trouble. Not your partner. You.

Portofino · 09/09/2011 20:32

To me it is just plain wrong. Why should the dad fuck off and live somewhere else and let the tax player pick up the slack? Why would you even countenance BEING with someone who would let this happen?

FredBare · 09/09/2011 20:49

how sad , what a life to live when you choose more money over a loving relationship for your child

ShellyBoobs · 09/09/2011 20:50

Couldn't agree more with Portofino.

HappyMummyOfOne · 09/09/2011 20:56

What an awful thing to do, so you'll deprive the children of living with their father because you want more money despite having an income that thousands manage to live off. Not to mention the moral aspect of letting other tax payers pay for your lifestyle as you fancy more money.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 09/09/2011 21:09

I used to earn £20k. I received WTC to help with childcare, so you'd get the same.

Can't you look at managing your budget more effectively rather than split the family up? Go here and post your Statement of Accounts - you'll get loads of advice with no judgement.

pearlym · 09/09/2011 21:12

Why should my tax dollars pay for your family?

Portofino · 09/09/2011 21:17

I have to add, I know that men fuck off all the time and leave their children, and I am fully supportive of all necessary means to help the family involved. But this ISN'T one of those cases.

pearlym · 09/09/2011 21:21

agreed, it annoys me that people look at abusing the system as a lifestyle choice - fair enough, if your circs change and you need the safety net, but why can't they all go and live with granny, or the partner get more work?

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