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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to live on my own due to finances?

119 replies

buterflies · 09/09/2011 18:06

I am saddened to ask my partner to leave the family home and move back in with his grandma as we cannot cope financially living together.

My partner works full time and I work 18 hours a week although we are both on a fairly low income.

I have one child, my partners step dad to him and we have one on the way.

We have decided the only way we can manage is to live apart meaning I can claim extra tax credits. It is not a decision we have taken lightly but we feel its the only way we can live at the moment.

OP posts:

Whathashappenedtomyboobs · 10/09/2011 17:50

OP tread very carefully this is benefit fraud. My OH and I have put our house up for sale and are moving to a cheaper county to help with finances and our weekly food budget is £35 a week for both of us, we eat well.
What I am trying to say is don't stoop so low, there is always other things you can do to make the money stack up.

Original poster

buterflies · 10/09/2011 18:00

aquashiv I was quoting another poster who called me and anyone not working a shitty scrounger. I have sympathy for anyone trying to get a job as I have been there and its not easy. I also referred to where I live, something like 2 thirds of families are on benefits, there are a lot of deprived areas in this town and unfortunetly a lot of people find themselves better off on benefits. This is an issue for the government tho.

OP posts:

ledkr · 10/09/2011 18:11

fourkids i agree,i work with families in need and some are in poverty and others well off it would seem.
At xmas we take round food parcels and toys for the children,i have seen mothers break down with relief and gratitude and others take it without thanks and have half of the argos catalogue under the tree,tis very strange.
It probably is about somepeople managing to budget better.

OpinionatedMum · 10/09/2011 18:56

It could be about people getting help from their families. You can get 6k a year as a gift and still claim benefit. Or so I have been told.

Perhaps things like that make a difference.

digitalrevolution · 10/09/2011 20:48

I live separately from DP for various reasons (not financial but related to housing/schools), I am a LP claiming benefits but DS isn't DP's biological child. I've notified the DWP and HMRC that I'm in a relationship and they've investigated my circumstances and confirmed that everything is above board and it's not a fraudulant claim. You can be in a relationship and claim as a LP, we had to show that we're financially separate and don't live as husband and wife.

missymarmite · 10/09/2011 21:15

fourkids I too think it is about the family help available, and the kinds of DP/XDP. I have a friend with two DDs (different DFS). She has always been on benefits. Her mum bought her car, which she doesn't need. She has an xp who has his daughter (the little one) every other week. During those times, my friend doesn't need to feed her, or pay child care. He and his family, as well as hers, buy clothes and toys for the DDs. She doesnt' need to buy petrol to get to work, and she is very tight with money. If you lend her anything, you really have to keep on at her to get it back.

I on the other hand, work but on a very low income with tax credits and I struggle. I get some help from my DF, but I don't tell him half the problems I have financially. He helps us with the car, and occasionally with other things, but most of the time I am too proud to ask for help. My friend isn't. I buy things for my friends, If I have money I am generous with it. XH doesn't contribute a penny for his DS.

Original poster

buterflies · 12/09/2011 16:05

fourkids I am the first to admit I havent handled my finances well in the past.

I dont know anyone who is on benefits and has a flashy car, if I did I would be very interested to know how they manage that.

I also agree with missymarmite it does depend a lot if you get child support esp if the father gives it without going through the CSA.
If you have a decent Ex partner who gives you a couple of hundred a month then that is going to make a huge difference to your income.

I get £15 a week from my ex partner and although my son occasionally stays for one night at his dads, thats it. No help towards things like shoes and clothing etc. I count myself lucky that I get anything tbh.

OP posts:

jellybeans208 · 12/09/2011 16:28

TCs must have made a mistake if you are on 20k and only get 25% of your childcare paid. We get paid more than you and tcs covers all our childcare costs (if you combine childcare element and the other one)

Original poster

buterflies · 12/09/2011 16:34

jellybeans208 I checked with them and thats what they said. TBH I dont think half of them know what they are doing. I am in the middle of getting my claim reassessed as so many posters have said I am not getting enough at the mo.

Things are up in the air at the mo but at least me and the fella are still living together, come what may.

OP posts:

fanjobanjowanjo · 12/09/2011 16:37

Ok considering my partner works full time already and I am pregnant I dont think extra work is an option, and I am not a shitty scrounger, I work and my partner works yet we are still struggling, perhaps if the govt didnt spend so much money on the unemployed shitty scroungers then couples who want to be together may get some help??
Just a thought.

I don't understand why you think you deserve help so you can "be together"??
You CAN get more hours, or an extra weekend job, you are pregnant not ill. Your attitude makes me furious. Just wtf?

Newsflash, most of us are struggling.

notherdaynotherdollar · 12/09/2011 16:39

why are you up the duff again if you cant manage on what you get as it is?

eurochick · 12/09/2011 17:32

This thread makes me wonder why I bothered working 5 days a week (and sometimes 6 or 7) for many years to get myself in a financial position where I feel that I can support a child.

Voidka · 12/09/2011 17:39

I hope this thread has persuaded you that what you propose it fraud and that you will have to get yourselves out of the mess you caused rather than expecting the tax payer to do it.

Original poster

buterflies · 13/09/2011 10:24

fanjobanjo Actually I am ill which is preventing me from working extra hours. I may actually lose the job I have because of it.

And the "shitty scrounger" bit was actually not my opinion but a quote from another poster but I do feel that the govt. make it hard for couples.

As a single person I was on a lot of tax credits and housing and council tax benefit all legally claimed. Which obviously dropped to nearly nothing when my partner moved in despite the fact we are now on a really low income. Which is my point, although myself and partner have stayed together, many people simply cannot cope with the loss of income and decide to live apart.

The govt. make such a big deal of families families families but they dont give families any help. And yes I think they should, they pay a lot out to single people why not couples?

I dont really care what you think of me, I am simply trying to make the best of a bad situation. I have always worked from age 16, my partner too. So stop having a go at someone who does try and who for whatever reason got herself into a bit of debt and is trying to work a way out of it. As I have said we ARE STAYING TOGETHER, I was under the impression that if we actually lived apart this would be legal but once I looked into it, it turns out is isnt.

I know quite a few people who have never worked a day in their lives and have no intention of doing so, maybe you should all get mad at the fact they are taking your tax money, whereas me and my partner pay tax and even wi tax credits we pay a hell of a lot more in tax than we get back.

OP posts:

fanjobanjowanjo · 13/09/2011 11:06

Really? Really? Ugh.

fanjobanjowanjo · 13/09/2011 11:09

I struggle to understand why your ability to get pregnant means you deserve money from the government?

pinkdelight · 13/09/2011 11:38

I don't think it's about the government making it hard for couples as such. There has to be a point at which the money from government stops and if your partner works full-time and you work part-time, that would seem to be a reasonable point. Beyond the tax credits/family allowance, why should you, as a couple, need supporting?

I appreciate what you say about your work history, and yet you do seem to have a view that the benefits are your income and should be there for you, come what may. But you and your DP have chosen to become a family, and to expand it, so you have to take responsibility for that. If your illness prevents you from working, perhaps there is more support you can apply for. But if not, there must be other ways to cut back so that you can manage together.

pinkdelight · 13/09/2011 11:41

"me and my partner pay tax and even wi tax credits we pay a hell of a lot more in tax than we get back."

um. that's how it works. otherwise there's be no tax money for anything else.

Original poster

buterflies · 13/09/2011 15:34

fanjo dunno what u are Ugh ing at. The fact that I am ill? The fact that I have always worked?

Or maybe just cos you are a bored person who gets their kicks from slating others?
I am not gonna contribute to this thread anymore, go find someone else to annoy

OP posts:

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