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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to live on my own due to finances?

119 replies

buterflies · 09/09/2011 18:06

I am saddened to ask my partner to leave the family home and move back in with his grandma as we cannot cope financially living together.

My partner works full time and I work 18 hours a week although we are both on a fairly low income.

I have one child, my partners step dad to him and we have one on the way.

We have decided the only way we can manage is to live apart meaning I can claim extra tax credits. It is not a decision we have taken lightly but we feel its the only way we can live at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
buterflies · 10/09/2011 09:03

opinionatedmum I was quoting another poster who called me a shitty scrounger even tho I work. I hav been a single mum, spent the first four years of ds life as a single mum so I certainly dont have anything against single parents.

and sarasidle yeah I do know it for a fact, there was a big hooha in the papers about the level of unemployment and how many were not willing to work as they are better off on benefits. I work in a deprived area and see mothers taking their children to school wi a can of lager in each hand at 8 in the bloody morning. But thats another issue.

Anyway like I said earlier, we have decided to live together officially and struggle. Reason being we dont want to be apart and dont want to upset our son. It was an idea born out of desperation as we are not coping and cannot afford to pay the rent this month.

Instead of calling me a bad parent maybe ideas of getting out of this mess would be better. I am certainly going to call tax credits and see if my claim is right and will be looking at ways to cut down on expenses. I want to make it clear I wasnt contemplating this so I could have luxuary items, just wanted to be able to make ends meet and give my son and new baby a decent life.

OP posts:
Original poster
buterflies · 10/09/2011 09:05

minus273 really sorry to hear that, I can only suggest that u contact CAB and get some help. Really hope it works out for u

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 10/09/2011 09:13

You will get council tax and housing benefit if your income jointly is around 20k.

Depending on your rent level of course. You may also be entitled to working tax credits alongside your child tax credits.

Get a lower paying job, or only have his income and claim the rest in benefits.

RandomMess · 10/09/2011 09:13

Buterflies, sent you a pm. Good luck.

OpinionatedMum · 10/09/2011 09:13

Fair enough.

OpinionatedMum · 10/09/2011 09:15

Hope they sort your money out for you.

Original poster
buterflies · 10/09/2011 09:21

fabbychic I havent even attempted to claim housing benefit as didnt think we were entitled, if we get a little even £10 a week then it would be a big help. I think we may be entitled to working tax once baby is here as I dont think I am going back to work straight away, as childcare is so expensive.

I am feeling a little more positive even though have been slated, as the positive posters have shown I probably am not claiming all I can legally

Thank you to those with helpful suggestions

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 10/09/2011 09:23

Try online calculators they will give you an idea of what you will get. I earn a decentish wage with one son and I still get housing benefit and it matters a lot.

SecretSquirrell · 10/09/2011 09:29

I think the fact that you both work is commendable but I also think you should be able to manage on your money.

Is there a way any of us can help you work out if you are getting all your entitlements but also if you are managing your money effectively?
Do you have debts, an expensive rent? Meal plan? high transport costs? Why don;t we all take a look at these things with you first before you split a happy family?

DaisySteiner · 10/09/2011 09:32

For an additional child you should get an extra 2,555 pounds a year in tax credits which works out at nearly 50 pounds a week plus 13.40 in child benefit. Also 100 pounds a week of your maternity pay is disregarded which will increase your tax credits award further.

Voidka · 10/09/2011 09:43

Of course its fraud. You need to learn to make your money go further, not atke the easy way out and cheat the system.

MistyMountainHop · 10/09/2011 10:36

I know someone who did this, they ended up being investigated for benefit fraud

am on the fence here tbh. can see both sides.

have been a single parent and couldn't believe how little "help" we got as a couple when my partner moved in. things have improved though as he has got a better paid job and i am working too now.

i would personally just stick it out as a couple, it won't be any good for the DC or your relationship if he isn't living with you.

OpinionatedMum · 10/09/2011 10:49

I think you are likely to be entitled to housing benefit.

maypole1 · 10/09/2011 10:52

So are you planning to claim as a single parent because if not if your a couple it dose not matter were he lives

Odds on your going to claim as a single parent even though
You are not be and clearly in a couple

It would be cheaper for 99% of people to make their oh live with their mum and claim and a single mum yuk

safeintheknowledge · 10/09/2011 11:23

I really can't believe that some people on this forum think the Government are doing the best they can. The fact that the OP is even considering this move shows that the Government have got it BADLY wrong!!!

Some of the comments on here have been really harsh, where has everyones compassion gone? Yes there are major flaws in policy and 'the system' but the OP is not the architect of these designs. It is easy to cast judgement on others but harder to give real advice.

Good Luck in whatever you decide to do :)

Minus273 · 10/09/2011 11:29

I think people are being a bit harsh automatically assuming that the OP is not attempting to budget. Sometimes you get to the point where there is nothing else to cut. Offers to help her look at her budget to see if there is any way to improve it are great but some posters have been a little harsh IMO. While I agree her initial proposal is fraud, she has agreed its not a good idea now the illegality has been pointed out. People don't need kicked when they are down which to me the OP must be if she was contemplating this.

EricNorthmansMistress · 10/09/2011 13:10

The OP hasn't even done a proper benefit calculation under her current circumstances so considering whether to chuck the partner out is a bit previous. You need to go to entitled to.com and the tax credits calculator to do a proper comparison. £20pw tax credits on a joint income of £20k sounds very low. If you are in private rental I'd also expect you to be entitled to some LHA. Check that out first. I can't see how you could claim more in tax credits than your partner earns TBH.

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 10/09/2011 13:17

You could work more, and claim financial assistance from GVT for childcare, think they pay up to 70% costs, and have a relatively high threshold.

Are you genuinely going to spend nights apart, or will he be living with his Grandmaon paper, but not in practice?

Original poster
buterflies · 10/09/2011 14:11

groan how many more times? We had a big discussion and decided that it wasnt a good idea to move out, please see my previous posts.

Like I said it was an idea born out of desperation, not an attempt to live the life of luxuary at others expense.

I have been in contact with tax credits and they think my claim is slightly too low at the moment and come monday I will apply for housing benefit.

I dont get much help with childcare around 25% at the mo, which whilst better than a kick in the teeth is still too low for me to consider worth working once baby is here. HOWEVER I PROB WILL STILL WORK as I dont want to have to try and get a job after two or three years not working. But thats another issue.

And yes my partner was genuinely going to live with his grandma, however it was pointed out that this is still fraud and I would be classed as living with him as we are still in a relationship. I was under the false impression that if they stayed 3 or less nights that it was ok and legal but apparently this is a load of rubbish.

OP posts:
Original poster
buterflies · 10/09/2011 14:17

minus273 thank you, thats exactly right. We cant cut anything else except our internet which is going in a months time. We do have a few outstanding bills but not massive amounts thank god. Things have just got on top of us and its sometimes hard to see a way out.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 10/09/2011 15:22

Remember whilst you are on maternity leave about the £100 (or is £95) disregard on your income with regards to tax credits, you can also still claim help for your childcare costs so it keeps the place open. So for that financial year when your income will be lower again due to maternity allowances the contribution to childcare should go up.

I'm not sure if you can get tax credits to switch the assessment onto current year basis, I think that is something they stopped with the changes Confused

ledkr · 10/09/2011 15:41

My ds and his gf live in rented accom and he works f time,they were getting most of their rent paid by hb but then his gf decided that as the baby was 2 she would work,she got a job as a nursing assistant and was really enjoying it.This week she found out that her earning 300 pounds per month means they will no longer receive hb and wont be able to pay rent so she has to give up work!
This is defo an area which needs looking at.

aldiwhore · 10/09/2011 15:54

I was going to say 'we managed on less' but actually I think it depends where you live, and the little things like work travel costs etc.,

Whatever your situation I doubt YABU, at worst maybe a little defeatist, but not unreasonable.

I don't envy you at all, but I can't imagine any situation whereby me and my husband would decide on living apart to be financially better off.... because we'd be emotionally a lot worse off, and for us, that would be worse than being skint.

aquashiv · 10/09/2011 16:47

I did have sympathy for you until you called prob the genuine job seekers benefit scroungers.
What planet are you on OP?

fourkids · 10/09/2011 17:14

This isn't a dig at the OP before I start (I am glad she has made the morally correct decision regarding her family and taxpayers' money)...

I am genuinely interested in just how different people on benefits can have such drastically different lifestyles...I mean I know people on benefits who have what appear to be a fab life. I am talking about one or two who don't work at all, and several who work part time and get their wages 'topped up.' Not only do they not have to go to work all day five days (or more) a week, but they can afford holidays, cars, big TVs, flash mobile phones, new clothes, lovely houses with nice furniture, etc. I admit I lead a sheltered life, and I don't know anyone who lives on income support and drinks lager on the way to school (really??!!). The only people on benefits I know are naice MC-type folks! What I don't understand is how they manage to make their (I use the term advisedly) money go so far, when the images I see on TV etc are of poverty stricken benefits claiments who apparently can't afford to put decent food on the table. Is it about how they decide to spend it...where they prioritise? Or what??

I do know I'm hijacking this thread...but the OP seems to have made a decision based upon the advice she has received, and I'm afraid to start a new one with any sort of title like this because everyone will pile on and it'll become a nasty bun fight, and I genuinely just want to know the answer rather than start a row!