aibu - other people feeding my child

[glub]

so my daughter's started nursery this term. this nursery feeds them a 'snack' at half ten in the morning. since when does a snack consist of a slice of toast, buttered presumably, three quarters of an apple, half a banana and a cup of milk? that's practically a meal ffs! and only a couple of hours after i feed her a good breakfast of porridge and fruit with a cup of milk. why why why?! and then i'm supposed to still feed her lunch at midday when her brother and i eat? she says herself that nursery feed her lunch it's weird why do they insist on feeding them? my daughter's perfectly healthy as is she does not need an extra meal forced upon her! she does not do more exercise at nursery than at home as is their excuse. and i know they encourage her to eat as they were a bit worried that she was not a good eater when she only was hungry enough for a few grapes on the first day. she's a perfectly good eater. not a skinny delicate child. and then she walks out of nursery with a chocolate bar in her hand! it was someone's birthday apparently. and then she cries as i tell her it's for after lunch not before even though all the other kids are stuffing their faces... :(
and then later she goes to dance class... they give them a single sweet at the end of the class. only once a week, they've just done 45 mins of dancing... it's not the end of the world right? but still not happy about it - who are they to introduce this crap to my kid!? but am allowing it. don't want her to be left out.
but then on top of that she says they had cake there as it was someone's birthday! why do they not inform the parents about this?

so now she's barely eaten any dinner. argh!

Surely they provide different options for different children and they don't have to have it all?

The 'snack' does sound like a meal in itself, maybe give a smaller breakfast if you know she's going to have that every day.

I wouldn't worry about the sweet after dancing if it's literally only one. Similarly the occasional piece of cake on someone's birthday, it's the everyday stuff that's likely to lead to weight gain and bad habits.

YABU

I haven't read through all the replies but all nurseries give a snack and if the children aren't hungry they wont eat it. If she has a big snack then give her a smaller lunch. Maybe some children don't get a decent breakfast or lunch so they will need their snack. It sounds a healthy enough snack to me anyway.

And as for moaning that she gets 1 sweet once a week and (shock, horror!) a piece of birthday cake, for goodness sake, does your child never get a sweet treat? Denying things only makes children want them more, did you not know that?

You need to lighten up a little and take a more realxed approach to eating, it is healthier in the long run.

SofiaAmes - I wrote a long post yesterday about the impact that my mother's rules about food and mealtimes have had, even to this day, on my relationship with food - please read it. I was more honest in that post than I think I have ever been about food and me - and I would hate for anyone else to end up feeling the way I do.

Also, as others have said, healthy eating is not neccessarily about three meals a day and no snacks. Children's stomachs are smaller so they may not be able to get enough food to provide their caloric and nutritional requirements if fed only three times a day - which is why people recommend more, smaller meals. This is also good for adults, as six smaller meals should keep the blood sugar at a stable level, avoiding the energy dips that leave us craving carbs/sweet things.

You seem to believe that eating more often during the day/eating snacks MUST mean eating crap/eating unhealthily/eating too much - and that is absolute rubbish. You spread the food/calories out between six meals instead of between three - it's that simple.

There is NOTHING harmful about a child (or indeed an adult) having a snack between meals, as long as their intake is balanced across the whole day. A slice of toast at 10.30am can be balanced out by a smaller portion of potato at dinner, for example.

And it is, I believe, very harmful to teach children that some foods are bad - creating forbidden fruit, as I said in my earlier post. Surely it is far better to teach them that there are some foods that are best eaten in moderation. An occasional slice of cake is fine - a slice of cake every day probably isn't.

My experience teaches me that it is essential to give your children a healthy relationship with food - and my fear is that the OP's approach is doing the opposite.

CurrySpice- I have to disagree. IME if you have a routine, like set meal times, your children then have predicable appetite. Humans aren't machines but the body has a rhythm and cycle which does respond well to predictabilities, especially children.

I don't think it sounds a particularly 'unhealthy' snack, just that it's probably too much if the child also has a proper breakfast, and then lunch a couple of hours later. Some children (like some adults) will only eat what they need, but others will eat whatever's put in front of them. And if the nursery are encouraging/coaching her to eat more than she thinks she wants on a regulat basis, then they're essentially training her in overeating as a habit.

If she was content with a few grapes, then what was wrong with that, why the need to push a child to eat when they're not hungry (especially in between meals!) I could understand it if she was underweight and not eating well generally, but if she's a healthy weight, eats a good breakfast and lunch, and doesn't feel the need to snack in between, what's the problem?

Yabu, That is a perfectly healthy snack. Just give her less breakfast or give her lunch later,

OP, there is an astonishing amount of tripe on this thread. I hope you manage to ignore it.

Ephiny and trinot speak sense.

Well I'll have to disagree wuith you disagreeing with me - doen't work like that with me or my kids

No kids are not machines, not all kids are good eaters like my dd who will more often than not refuse breakfast or eat a tiny amount so that means they will go 12+ hours without a meal until lunch. It's good that nurseryprovide snack to ensure that kids blood sugar does not dip as well as helping the child learn social skills

SDTG I did read your post. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I believe that children should have snacks, but prefer to offer fruit and vegetables as regular snacks. That doesn't mean that my kids don't eat crisps and candy sometimes, but I don't keep them in the house and they aren't available regularly. Already at 8 and 10, if my children want a snack, they will almost always chose a piece of fruit (even at a friend's house where cakes and cookies might be on offer). Also, I encourage a snack to be eaten at snack time, rather than "snacking" all day.
I and my brother have very healthy relationships with food, so I am trying to doing the same with my children that my mother did with us. Going back to the OP, I think that children are often encouraged to eat too much. AND I think it is unhealthy for teachers (or parents) to use food (particularly candy) as a reward (or punishment). I think that it was this aspect of it that bothered the OP.
I feel quite strongly about serving food family style at meals and letting the kids serve themselves and then they are expected to eat what they serve themselves. They can have seconds and thirds if they wish. Of course, I give them guidance. If I think they might be taking more of something than they will eat, I gently encourage them to take a little less and remind them that they can always have seconds. I serve a well balanced meal and everyone at the table eats what I serve (kids learn from the examples the adults around them set). Both my children love good food and will choose a well-balanced diet when presented with choices (ie at a buffet or picnic).

Sofia you wait until their in their teens, might not work out like that

Sofia You seem to be making a point that your children are thin because they live on carrot sticks and fruit. My dd is a skinny minnie. She eats breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper as well as all the "junk" food she gets through every day.

I have never not allowed her sweets, chocolate, ice cream, birthday cake or mid morning snack. She also eats her 5 a day.

Do you honestly think it is only children who are not allowed sweet foods are slim (and healthy)???

In fact most of the children in dd's class, although of different builds, are healthy looking iyswim. And they all eat "rubbish". One girl is very fat but I honestly don't think it is what she eats at school has caused that.

No, dorie. My kids are slim because they eat a healthy well rounded diet (which does not consist solely of carrot sticks and fruit). That doesn't mean that all skinny kids eat a healthy diet. By the way, my children are allowed sweets and junk food. I just don't offer them on a regular basis. It's about setting good habits when they are young so that when they are older (teenagers even) and life gets a bit more complicated, they hopefully will have good habits to fall back on.

"I believe that children should have snacks, but prefer to offer fruit and vegetables as regular snacks. That doesn't mean that my kids don't eat crisps and candy sometimes, but I don't keep them in the house and they aren't available regularly. Already at 8 and 10, if my children want a snack, they will almost always chose a piece of fruit (even at a friend's house where cakes and cookies might be on offer)."

It's the same in my house. The only crisps we keep are the Organix ones. But when we go to soft play or after gymnastics, for example, she is allowed to choose a pack of biscuits or pombears. I don't think there is anything wrong with that and I like that she is already in the habit at 2 of asking for an apple or banana when she is hungry rather than a biscuit or pack of crisps. My DH is the same though, he would rather snack on fruit than anything else. Me, on the other hand....well thank god she doesn't take after me!

So Sofia did you exclude your dc from having a mid morning snack at nursery? Or a sweet after 45 mins rigorous exercise? This is what the thread is about.

No, in fact, when picking a nursery for my ds, I rejected several because of the crap food they served and because they discouraged bringing your own food. Instead, I sent my dc to a lovely childminder who gave them a healthy, home cooked food including a reasonably sized mid morning snack. And then I sent them to a nursery where they were allowed/encouraged to bring their own snack and lunch. I have found this is much more stand here in California than it seems to be in the UK (from my experience from when I lived there and from what I read on Mumsnet). I have just been reading an appalling thread about the junk that is served for school lunches and how children are either not allowed or discouraged from bringing their own lunches and dinner ladies searching through those lunches and confiscating things despite the same crap being served for the school lunches. Definitely haven't had that experience here.

If you think a slice of toast and a couple of bits of fruit are "practically a meal" you're not feeding your child enough.
DD's nursery gives them similar amounts as a mid morning snack, as does every other nursery my friends' children attend.
Small children need shed-loads of calories

Good Lord you have some food issues.
YABU and a bit of a loon.

"i'm not the sort of parent who whips out food as and when. set times for hunger (nice and predictable), eating and the resulting mess thank you very much. and i have a little one who gets whiny and hungry at twelve"

You seem to have a very unhealthy attitude to food. Eating is not a sign of weakness.

Ah right Sofia. It concludes then that some toast and a small amount of fruit and some milk is considered an unhealthy mid morning snack by yourself. Says it all really! God forbid they may have a tiny slice of birthday cake to celebrate their friends birthday. Bring on the carrot and celery sticks!

I sincerely hope your dc don't have issues with food and their self image as they hit their teens. But they will!

"Ah right Sofia. It concludes then that some toast and a small amount of fruit and some milk is considered an unhealthy mid morning snack by yourself. Says it all really! God forbid they may have a tiny slice of birthday cake to celebrate their friends birthday. Bring on the carrot and celery sticks!"

I think you're being a bit off the mark. When did she say that?

banana- doesn't she refer to toast as "junk food"?

Hands - the phrase "get that rod out of your arse/backside" is quite common. It refers to people being unnecessarily picky/pedantic

IShouldHaveBeenAPairOfClaws, no I think she was referring to the cake and sweet. I think people misunderstood her to mean the toast too, it was someone completely different who said bread and butter was "empty calories".

I was referring to Sofia though.