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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu - other people feeding my child

256 replies

glub · 08/09/2011 18:28

so my daughter's started nursery this term. this nursery feeds them a 'snack' at half ten in the morning. since when does a snack consist of a slice of toast, buttered presumably, three quarters of an apple, half a banana and a cup of milk? that's practically a meal ffs! and only a couple of hours after i feed her a good breakfast of porridge and fruit with a cup of milk. why why why?! and then i'm supposed to still feed her lunch at midday when her brother and i eat? she says herself that nursery feed her lunch it's weird why do they insist on feeding them? my daughter's perfectly healthy as is she does not need an extra meal forced upon her! she does not do more exercise at nursery than at home as is their excuse. and i know they encourage her to eat as they were a bit worried that she was not a good eater when she only was hungry enough for a few grapes on the first day. she's a perfectly good eater. not a skinny delicate child. and then she walks out of nursery with a chocolate bar in her hand! it was someone's birthday apparently. and then she cries as i tell her it's for after lunch not before even though all the other kids are stuffing their faces... :(
and then later she goes to dance class... they give them a single sweet at the end of the class. only once a week, they've just done 45 mins of dancing... it's not the end of the world right? but still not happy about it - who are they to introduce this crap to my kid!? but am allowing it. don't want her to be left out.
but then on top of that she says they had cake there as it was someone's birthday! why do they not inform the parents about this?

so now she's barely eaten any dinner. argh!

OP posts:
4ForksSake · 09/09/2011 16:47

How many kids are there at nursery? If there's only about 30 (standard ish number), then you know that's the max number of 'crap birthday treats' she's going to get (& that's assuming everyone brings something in to share, which not everyone will). Divide that up into the number of days she's there over the year & it's not that many treats, not even one a week (although it's inevitable some kids will have their birthdays close together). Are you sure she gets all that at nursery or do they put plates of food out for the children to help themselves? I'm sure on some days she's going to be more hungry than others so she'll have more of a snack but it'll balance out over all. Like others have said, food wastage is something you have to put up with with kids, annoying as it is. Some days I can't fill DS1 (usually during a spurt) & others I can barely get him to eat, but it all balances in the long run. You definitely need to chill out (& be more flexible with their meal times & amounts) otherwise food is going to become a big issue. Know a few kids whose 'junk' intake is v restricted & they are the ones stealing snacks out of peoples cupboards (at 4!) & gorging on biscuits when offered at play dates & kicking off when they can't have their 3rd/4th biscuit Hmm. Not a pretty sight.

SofiaAmes · 09/09/2011 17:02

banana87....thanks for defending me. It was me who referred to bread and butter as "empty calories" which I stand by. I don't think that's the same thing as junk food however. For example, fruit juice are fairly empty calories (you are getting a few vitamins, but lots and lots of sugar and no fiber....much better off eating fruit), but supermarket cake is junk food (quite often has high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated vegetable oils, lots of suger, lots of fat and no vitamins at all). There is plenty of scientific research that talks about diet and what's healthy and what isn't.

I give my kids 2 pieces of whole grain toast with butter and a glass of milk and some fruit for breakfast. I would consider it not healthy for them to then be given the same all over again at snack time. I suppose if that's all the nursery were able to do, then one could switch things around and give your child fruit for breakfast. However studies suggest that it's healthier to have something more substantial at breakfast and lighter at snack. I strongly disagree with those who suggest that restricting your child's junk intake will cause them to have food issues. The children, teenagers and adults that I know who have food issues pretty much all had unrestricted junk intake at home, no family home cooked meals and no structure to meal time. My example is anecdotal, but there is plenty of research that backs that up.

pigletmania · 09/09/2011 17:13

No Sofia bread and butter is not empty calories, crisps and sweets are. Butter on wholemeal bread is very substantial, I have a couple of slices in the morning with butter and marmalade and it's enough fit me till lunch.please get your information correct

pigletmania · 09/09/2011 17:16

Empty calories in my understanding are foods high in calories with no nutritional value, toast with butter is not!

pigletmania · 09/09/2011 17:18

Oh and that don't fill you up like crisps, you could eat a lot of them they are laden with calories but your still hungry at the end

dorie · 09/09/2011 17:36

It is sooo refreshing to have Sofia come on here and teach us about nutrition and "junk food" YAWN!!!! Tis 5.35 and I, for one, is in need of an early night!

HandsOffOurLand · 09/09/2011 18:11

It's still horrible, OhdearNigel. As was the chill out to f* that followed it. Sad

Hey ho.

IME, the people who let their children graze all day, whether it be on fruit or crisps, are the same people who let their children wander round in restaurants, bothering other people. As I say, though, that's just in my experience.

AnnaThePenguin · 09/09/2011 18:13

Sofia - wholemeal bread and butter is not empty calories

OP - you need to chill out. Or else keep your children at home every day, never take them anywhere where anyone else might feed them anything and you can't control everything that goes on in their lives - you should probably home school.

If you don't chill out about your attitude to food your daughter will be standing at the bus station mainlining sweets when she goes to secondary school

banana87 · 09/09/2011 18:20

Sofia You were very contradictory in your post. First you said bread and butter is empty calories, then you said you give your kids wholemeal bread and butter. So which is it?

I do agree with you that not giving your kids junk everyday isn't necessarily going to cause issues for them later. I think in moderation is fine, but those such as the OP who seem to never want to give their kids sweets and cake are going to cause some serious issues when their kids get older. I get the feeling you agree with that though.

pollyhelene · 09/09/2011 18:22

Hi I dont think you are being that unreasonable. The meal/snack sounds like a lot and i do have strong feelings about my child being stuffed with sweet junk food non stop...
I guess you need to talk to the nursery about it..

kidzrfreaky · 09/09/2011 18:30

Hello OP and Sophia. God I hope you are making sure your children dont get gasp a little bit of puppy fat on their tummies. Can you imagine how unhealthy that would be? I think you should continue to be the stark raving luny parents give the nursery a piece of your mind. After all whho in their right mind would allow children to be children eh?

SardineQueen · 09/09/2011 18:39

I don't get the fixation with fruit. I really don't. It seems so ridiculous that people who seemingly care about diet and nutrition are so obsessed with it.

piprabbit · 09/09/2011 18:43

I'm sure loads of people have already said this - but why not have a quiet word with nursery to advise them that, although your DD should be served the snack and given the opportunity to eat socially, you do not want them to encourage her to eat more than she wants. You may well find there is a difference between what your DD is served and what she actually eats, and that the nursery is telling you what they served her (rather than telling you what she actually ate).

SDTGisAnEvilGenius · 09/09/2011 18:56

Sofia - the wholemeal bread gives your children fibre, and slowly-released energy that will help keep their blood sugar stable - this is really, really good for them, not empty calories at all.

The butter on the bread/toast provides fat, which is vital for the absorption of certain fat-soluble vitamins. There are some children who are severely lacking in certain vitamins, because they are fed a low fat diet by parents who wrongly believe that this is good for them - when in fact they are damaging their children. I'm not saying you are doing this, but by dismissing the buttered bread/toast as empty calories, you are ignoring the importance of fat in a child's diet.

Fwiw - I absolutely agree with you that butter is much, much better than low fat spreads - I'd rather feed my family a natural food than something that has an ingredient list that would be more suitable for a laboratory.

banana87 · 09/09/2011 19:36

I also love how fruit juice is made out to be the root of all evil on these threads. It's all DD drinks. I must be a HORRIBLE parent.

Voidka · 09/09/2011 19:41

Me too Banana - My DD wont drink anything but orange or apple juice.

banana87 · 09/09/2011 19:46

I remember when I had an Easter party when DD was 2....2 ex-friends of mine came with their DD's (same age) and almost had a heart attack when I asked them if they wanted an (organic) juice box. "NO!!!! Water only" and roll of the eyes was the response I got.

Voidka · 09/09/2011 19:49

Didnt you know that 100% juice is in the same league as crack?!

banana87 · 09/09/2011 19:54

I didn't until that point. I was niave and knew nothing about nutrition, obviously! Funny how the same mothers then went on to allow their children to eat the crap I put inside the plastic easter eggs they went hunting for. Hmmmm.....

HoneyPablo · 10/09/2011 07:25

Agree with piprabbit "You may well find there is a difference between what your DD is served and what she actually eats, and that the nursery is telling you what they served her (rather than telling you what she actually ate)."
As a nursery nurse, I agree that this is true. If you have a room full of 3 year olds, there is no way that you can be certain how much each one eats. The staff may know what is offered, but how can you watch each and every child to monitor thier intake? Much of the food is dropped on the floor or squashed in to the table. Or eaten by another child.

SardineQueen · 10/09/2011 09:26

Oh I haven't seen anyone talking about fruit juice?

SardineQueen · 10/09/2011 09:26

I always miss stuff!

ByTheWay · 10/09/2011 09:37

Fruit juice comes second to fizzy drinks in creation of cavities... dental advice is only to drink it sparingly, and only with meals. Don't see why people get sooooooooo upset about the advice given by professionals.

Theas18 · 10/09/2011 09:58

Don't sweat the small stuff. I'm going to be brutally honest- I assume this is your only/ eldest? Neither of these are unreasonable- your daughter won't eat the snack if she doesn't want it.
A sweet after dancing once a week- I'd think what a lovely kind thing for the teacher to do tbh.
Birthday cake on a child's birthday- again- it's normal!

Please look at why you are so worried about these things - what she is getting is normal and appropriate. Assuming she's fit and healthy you are hugely over reacting and need to look at your issues re food or control ASAP to allow you the enjoy parenting your daughter in a normal way.

Do you have/ have you had an eating disorder ?

Groovee · 10/09/2011 10:10

I don't get how toast and fruit is crap. In our snack we usually give something with carbs such as toast, bread, crackers, oatcakes then fruit such as apple, cored and cut into 8 pieces and 2 pieces allowed per child or 5 grapes/2 pieces of orange/plum/pear/melon.

I suppose a slice of toast could be a 1/4 or a 1/2 of an actual slice of bread.

If my child was handed a packet of sweeties on the way out, I would have taken them off them and put away for later.

And a slice of birthday cake is usually a very small piece from experience. I baked 2 cakes on Wednesday and 3/4 of the second one went home with the birthday child.

I also believe in children needing to learn when to stop eating when they are full and not when they have cleared their plate.