aibu - other people feeding my child

[glub]

so my daughter's started nursery this term. this nursery feeds them a 'snack' at half ten in the morning. since when does a snack consist of a slice of toast, buttered presumably, three quarters of an apple, half a banana and a cup of milk? that's practically a meal ffs! and only a couple of hours after i feed her a good breakfast of porridge and fruit with a cup of milk. why why why?! and then i'm supposed to still feed her lunch at midday when her brother and i eat? she says herself that nursery feed her lunch it's weird why do they insist on feeding them? my daughter's perfectly healthy as is she does not need an extra meal forced upon her! she does not do more exercise at nursery than at home as is their excuse. and i know they encourage her to eat as they were a bit worried that she was not a good eater when she only was hungry enough for a few grapes on the first day. she's a perfectly good eater. not a skinny delicate child. and then she walks out of nursery with a chocolate bar in her hand! it was someone's birthday apparently. and then she cries as i tell her it's for after lunch not before even though all the other kids are stuffing their faces... :(
and then later she goes to dance class... they give them a single sweet at the end of the class. only once a week, they've just done 45 mins of dancing... it's not the end of the world right? but still not happy about it - who are they to introduce this crap to my kid!? but am allowing it. don't want her to be left out.
but then on top of that she says they had cake there as it was someone's birthday! why do they not inform the parents about this?

so now she's barely eaten any dinner. argh!

glub, I completely agree with you. I find it enormously frustrating. I work hard to teach my children healthy eating habits which includes a well rounded meal at MEAL time and no junk food snacks in between. I fight all the time against people using sweets and junk food as rewards for good behavior. It's such a bad habit to create. My two dc's (who are now 8 and 10) are healthy and thin while the vast majority of their classmates are overweight or malnutritioned. I am constantly asking people not to give stuff to my children. In fact my dd came home today telling me how her new teacher gave her a bagel yesterday (hence why dd didn't eat the healthy carrot snack I gave her) and raffled off carrot cake in class today (luckily dd did not win the raffle). And dd's friend who came home with her, poor thing, said my mom doesn't have any food in the house so she doesn't give me good snacks like your dd gets. I asked her mum when she picked her up if she would mind taking some carrots off my hands as I had too many (true - bought 5 lbs at Costco for some ridiculously cheap price). Hopefully she'll have a good healthy snack for the next few days.
My kids aren't completely banned from junk food, they just get it in great moderation. I think learning healthy eating habits (which don't include filling up on empty calories like bread and butter) when you are young is super important. There is a reason everyone in my family is thin and healthy without ever dieting.

Don't be ridiculous. It's a healthy snack, and if she weren't hungry she wouldn't eat it. Remember, she'll probably be being a lot more active at nursery, playing with the other children than at home. Why not slightly delay lunch by half-an hour or so or expect her to eat less at lunch.

3 meals a day is actually not biologically normal for human beings anyway. It is a cultural hang-up. It is much more natural for us to eat small amounts frequently.

If they were giving her pizza/crisps/biscuits etc as snacks I could see your problem but FGS, it is bread (wholemeal, I presume) and fruit. Get a grip.

SofiaAmes, there really isn't anything healthier about eating 3 meals a day than eating smaller meals more regularly. Snacks are not intrinsically bad. Most weight-loss experts actually advocate eating small regular meals instead of 3 main meals.

SofiaAmes the fact that you had to state twice in that post about how thin your kids are, in my opinion is why some people grow up to have eating disorders...get a grip

Bread and butter are empty calories? What planet are you on? Whole grains, complex carbohydrates and simple fats. Wholegrain bread and proper butter is an excellent snack for a child. Add some peanut butter for protein and it's a balanced meal. Some posters are extreme!

PFB

sooooooooooooooooooooooooo PFB

sofannes you sound quite obsessive and controlling regarding food. Yes I agree with a well balanced diet and a healthy attitude to food which yes includes junk too. You have mentioned the word thin a couple of times which is worrying. Just because you are thin does not make you healthy. Have you heard of hidden fats in the body. It's sad that you are putting your insecurities of food on your kids and it's starting to affect them. Carry on and you may be storing up issues with food in your children

You don't seem relaxed at all tbh..

A bagel

She should be sacked!

bread and butter is an excellent snack as per ericnorthern

I find it really funny that the people who are freaking out about bread and butter reckon that fruit would be a better bet. Seemingly forgetting that a lot of fruit is extremely high in sugar. Makes me laugh really. A child who has been running around for hours and has a "hole in their tummy" will be much better off with a slice of decent bread and proper butter, than fruit which is not filling and they will eat piles of because it is sweet. Not far off just sticking a pile of haribo in front of them.

It always makes me smile when the competitive mummies go on about how much fruit their children eat. Well of course they do you loon. It's a massive sweetie-like sugar rush!

Also interested to know how sofiaames can tell by looking at a child that they are malnourished

People have such funny ideas about nutrition-they will assume that a 3 yr old needs the same food as an overweight 40yr old on a diet!

god no wonder more kids are growing up with food issues nowadays

OP - you also seem to have food issues, have you ever sought help for it? You have posted about a total non issue and you need to do something to chill out about food for your kids sake

and arf at Sofias carrrot stick snack vs a bagel

hmm I just cant seem to suss out which is actually more likely to act as a healthy snack for a growing active child

This is the only thread I have ever read on Mn with my face really looking like this .

I want to stealth feed your child haribo and milky ways, OP.

Just chill out and I really wouldn't go into nursery making a fuss over this or you will be known as the difficult mum from that point on.

You remind of the mum in About A Boy, will your child be the one eating a lumpy lentil sandwich on homemade organinc bread.

I have to say my most jaw dropping moment of the entire thread was the bit about changing your whole routine due to nursery snack! Maybe you should chill a little bit. or get out more

I often think I'm too laid back with my DS. Then I read threads like this and

Sofiaames.... My kids eat a reasonable breakfast that I suspect you would mostly approve of (porridge & fruit or smoothie) but they need a snack mid-morning and carrot frankly wouldn't be enough to get them through until lunch without being grumpy and hungry. I don't really get the bread and butter = empty calories thing. Carrot sticks = not many calories at all.....a snack for an adult on a diet, not a child who needs some energy.

And your kids are 8 and 10 and you're still refusing food on their behalf. Will you still be doing that when they're 10 and 12? 12 and 14? 14 and 16?

"which don't include filling up on empty calories like bread and butter"

I dont know about anyone else, but I read this as if they were feeding their children empty calories as if they were bread and butter, ie with every meal...?

Although taking into account the rest of the post, I can see why others would read it the other way [grin[

I know what you mean about the sweets and cake thing, I did not want my children to have lots of junk when they were little as it did not seem necessary especially when they were very young in buggies , people, intending to be kind used to try to hand my DS sweets and lollies in shops without asking so I used to say 'oh no please dont he's diabetic!' just wanted to make them think and ask first. I wanted to be the one who decided how much crap they got and when, even now they both regard sweets as a treat to be enjoyed not as something regular.

The feeding of a child is so important but relax, agree with Newbaby - just give her less breakfast and/or ask nursery staff to give her a smaller snack (but she will cotton on and may feel it is unfair). One sweet after 45 mins dancing is fine! I also think JodieHarsh has a point - children can become obsessive about calories, diet etc very young. You have control over what your daughter eats at home and this, for her, is most of the time. Don't make parenthood any more difficult than it is already - it puts loads of stress on both of you - not good.

OP while Ithink you are sounding a little bit bonkers unreasonable I'll try and be gentle as you're obviously anxious about this

You see, you can't predict when kids will be hungry or not, to the minute. Or how hungry they will be

"how much less stressful it is to know when your kids will be hungry and roughly how much they will eat"

You can't know that. Appetites don't work like that. Kids are human, not machines.

Surely you must know that some days you could eat a scabby dog by 11am, some days you only feel like picking at lunch. Surely?

If you try and predict to the minute, and to the last ounce exactly how much and when your DC will at, I think you are storing up anxiety and problems for them and, it has to be said, you.

Don't sweat it. Really.

So what if your DD only wants a yogurt and a banana for lunch one day. And the next day eats a big cooked lunch. Her nutritional wellbeing should be measured over weeks (minimum), months and years, not on each individual meal.

Nurseries give mod morningg snacks so that the children's blood sugar levels don;t dip.

She can't bea Gina child the ghost as ia advoates mid morning and even afternoon snack of fruit or even shock horror a biscuit.

My kids nurseryused to give them toast/fruit orwhatever at 10.30, lunch then aother snack again at 3pm. Now they are at school they get fruit in the morning and they ar always STARVING when I pick them up at 3.30pm.