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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu - other people feeding my child

256 replies

glub · 08/09/2011 18:28

so my daughter's started nursery this term. this nursery feeds them a 'snack' at half ten in the morning. since when does a snack consist of a slice of toast, buttered presumably, three quarters of an apple, half a banana and a cup of milk? that's practically a meal ffs! and only a couple of hours after i feed her a good breakfast of porridge and fruit with a cup of milk. why why why?! and then i'm supposed to still feed her lunch at midday when her brother and i eat? she says herself that nursery feed her lunch it's weird why do they insist on feeding them? my daughter's perfectly healthy as is she does not need an extra meal forced upon her! she does not do more exercise at nursery than at home as is their excuse. and i know they encourage her to eat as they were a bit worried that she was not a good eater when she only was hungry enough for a few grapes on the first day. she's a perfectly good eater. not a skinny delicate child. and then she walks out of nursery with a chocolate bar in her hand! it was someone's birthday apparently. and then she cries as i tell her it's for after lunch not before even though all the other kids are stuffing their faces... :(
and then later she goes to dance class... they give them a single sweet at the end of the class. only once a week, they've just done 45 mins of dancing... it's not the end of the world right? but still not happy about it - who are they to introduce this crap to my kid!? but am allowing it. don't want her to be left out.
but then on top of that she says they had cake there as it was someone's birthday! why do they not inform the parents about this?

so now she's barely eaten any dinner. argh!

OP posts:
localmum · 08/09/2011 21:34

I am a bit amazed that nursery age children are doing ballet. (Or have I completely misunderstood?)

TheGhostNotMe · 08/09/2011 21:35

I used to work in postnatal groups. You could always tell the Gina Ford followers as they would interrupt whatever else was going on to feed their baby at the exact same time. Scared to let their child eat at 12.30 instead of 11.30.

They were also the ones 9 times out of 10 jiggling a screaming baby around for an hour "because its not time for their bottle yet".

Original poster
glub · 08/09/2011 21:37

ah well i'm done with this for tonight. i just want what's best for my child, and that may mean standing up for what i believe in if necessary. i appreciate your responses thank you to all of you who bothered to read what i said and who talked sense and were helpful without descending into insult.

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 08/09/2011 21:37

OP Ithink you need to unclench. I really do

CurrySpice · 08/09/2011 21:38

Do you never eat chocolate OP?

Only wholegrain organic food cooked from scratch?

Or do you eat a balanced diet?

trinot · 08/09/2011 21:48

Glub, I hope the insults won't be the only thing you take away from this :(

HandsOffOurLand · 08/09/2011 21:49

OP never said anything about weaving her own organic rice. Some people are wilfully misunderstanding her.

Siamo, I am glad my life has been sheltered if it means I have avoided encountering people as rude as you.

banana87 · 08/09/2011 21:50

Funny that, OP. You never did tell us what "treats" she had in two consecutive days...

CheerfulYank · 08/09/2011 21:53

I used to be really PFB with my DS's diet. It's easy to get into that habit. And it does seem like there's food or snacks involved in every aspect of children's lives now. We got to a parent circle in the evenings and there's always a snack and juice, and all the kids have just had dinner.

That being said, OP, I think you're being unreasonable. You will have to adjust. We did. On the nights we go to parent circle DH has a lighter dinner. On the mornings he goes to preschool he has a lighter lunch.

I don't feed him whatever he wants, whenever he wants it, but if he says he's hungry I will always offer something like crackers or fruit or toast. If he were truly hungry he'd eat it, but it doesn't have enough appeal for him to eat it if he's NOT hungry, IYSWIM.

cricketballs · 08/09/2011 21:54

why are you giving her lunch at 12? that's quite early in my book, I really think you need to read the responses rather than decide that you are right and everyone else is wrong or you are setting yourself up for a big fall in a few years time....

CheerfulYank · 08/09/2011 22:22

And honestly my DS probably has junk food every day. A cookie after dinner or something.

SDTGisAnEvilGenius · 08/09/2011 22:31

Glub - regarding the foods you are calling junk food - it might be helpful if you looked at the week as a whole, rather than just this one day. You are unlikely to get two birthdays plus dancing class all on the same day, every day, so the three treats in a day thing shouldn't be a daily happening.

You might also want to consider that 'forbidden fruit' is often the most tempting - and a child who is over-controlled where sweets/cakes etc are concerned, can go overboard with them, when they do get the chance. I say this because I was that child. Food happened at three, rigidly determined times at home. Portions were carefully controlled - even of vegetables, and there were rarely any seconds at all. I got very little pocket money, so couldn't buy myself many sweets, and there was a tin of pick and mix, and my sister and I were allowed one each, each day. There was almost no snacking between meals - even fruit was rationed, and there's no way I'd have been allowed to have an apple between meals. I remember stealing food, as a teenager - a couple of cornflakes, a flake of meat off the leftover sunday joint or a second pick and mix sweet.

When I left home, and was in charge of my own diet for the first time, I had no idea how to control myself, and I didn't. I ate lots of the stuff I hadn't been allowed and my weight soared. My relationship with food is still crap - I cook from scratch, and try to plan a fairly healthy diet for all of us - but the food I still want is the rubbish - that is what comforts me.

my2centsis · 08/09/2011 23:08

oh FFs, i started a thread a few days back about how mean some women were, a lot of the replies some threads are ridiculous and the OP needs to be told, i now completely agree, wtf is wrong with a piece of cake? my goodness, i would hate to invite your dd to a bday party, i could only imagine your reactions to the part food.... she gets a treat once or twice a week along with her 1 lollie after dance...which is 45min long and shes 3 lmao seriously?? do you want her to grow up with a complex? i completely agree with this poster...

  1. If she wasn't hungry she wouldn't eat the snack.
  1. A bit of cake on someone's birthday is normal, and nice, and it's lovely that your daughter is celebrating these traditions with her friends. it's the start of her 'social life' outside the home, and it's an exciting time for her- you really should be happy about this.
  1. You seriously seem to have food issues. Please think very carefully about whether you are passing them on to your child, and try not to.

other then your absolutely rediculous strict food issues i think you do sound like a level headed lady and i wish you the best with the outcome you want but i will however say that, yes healthy eating is the way to go, but do you really want your daughter growing up thinking cake and chlocolate is really that bad? shes 3 let her enjoy a piece of cake without making a big deal about it.

upahill · 08/09/2011 23:14

Flippin heck glub was your mother uber strict with you and not allow you any treats when you were young.
Or is it just your daughter that can't join in with things?

dorie · 08/09/2011 23:24

OP Every family has different ways of doing things. If you are upset about the food being offered to your dd at school you can always ask the staff not to give your child toast/fruit/milk.

I would not advise you ask the teacher to not give ANY child their snack though. A mother at our school, who held pretty much the same views as yourself, made the mistake of telling the nursery teacher that she was not impressed with the toast/fruit/milk snack the children were receiving each day and suggested they cease the mid morning snack altogether. She got short shrift from teacher and parents.

The mum was not impressed when the alternative was for her dc to sit on the carpet quietly, alone, whilst all her friends enjoyed their snack.

As for not allowing your dd a tiny piece of birthday cake every now and again -WTF? I can guarantee you there won't be a birthday in dd's class everyday.

FreudianSlipper · 08/09/2011 23:34

when ds goes to nursery he has ready brek or weetabix at home then has a snack at 10ish, lunch 1130, tea at 330 and then fruit is available. he does not often eat dinner in the evening if he has been to nursery he will just having some toast and a yogurt. her routine is different when she goes to nursery and you just have to accommodate that or take her out of nursery

and the odd sweet is not going to harm her. relax and let her enjoy her nursery time

avoider · 08/09/2011 23:38

Jeez I'd be thankful they were feeding them at all. At school for the 10p we pay they get a quarter of an apple at breaktime. If my dc have school dinner they come home ravenous and dying of thirst. Nursery is great compared to school - be grateful.

Bubbaluv · 08/09/2011 23:58

Glub - once she starts going to birthday parties she will eat 3 peices of "junk food" in the first 15 minutes.

I wouldn't be thrilled with a dance class handing out sweets to my kids as my boys seem to absorb their nutrients by osmosis rather than actally eating, so a sweet could well mean they won't touch their dinner.
After a day at nursery (where they apparently eat like little piggy wigs Hmm ) they want very little to eat so I just make a very small meal and call it a snack. Apparently snacks taste better Hmm !!

So long as you are aware that your DD will have had a morning snack each day then you can plan to adjust her lunch meal size without actually adjusting your routine at all.

ll31 · 09/09/2011 00:00

think yabu - and sound slightly obsessive over food for your child tbh

Bubbaluv · 09/09/2011 00:06

So anyway, YABU and PFBish.

Most of us have PFB moments we look back on with mirth, but you have made the mistake of outing yours on MN before you have the benefit of hindsight to give you the perspective required to see how much you are overthinking this.

Go and have a look at the thread where people are discussing giving 2 bottles of alco-pop to 11yos (apparently to teach them to drink responsibly) and it will make the choccy cake and sweet seem pretty harmless.

Mumcentreplus · 09/09/2011 00:09

Chill out lady !!:)

empirestateofmind · 09/09/2011 01:07

Don't sweat the small stuff OP.

If this sort of trivia is going to upset you so much you will not cope with the teenage years.

In the great scheme of things this matters not a jot.

YABU

mynewpassion · 09/09/2011 02:42

If the OP is that worried about her children's food intake, then she should never send her kids to nursery or schooling, just homeschool them. She should also never allow her kids to go to birthday parties or parties where she isn't contributing food.

ExpensivePants · 09/09/2011 03:18

Blimey, what a drama queen...

I don't think 12 is too early for lunch though it's when cbeebies tells us to have it Wink

Am pondering how you can have children whose hunger is 'nice and predictable' but at the same time you are happy for them to tell you when they're hungry? Make your mind up.

Kiwiinkits · 09/09/2011 05:22

Classic MN thread. It has it all: a toddler-ballet mummy, food ishoos, pfb-ism and gina ford!