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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu - other people feeding my child

256 replies

glub · 08/09/2011 18:28

so my daughter's started nursery this term. this nursery feeds them a 'snack' at half ten in the morning. since when does a snack consist of a slice of toast, buttered presumably, three quarters of an apple, half a banana and a cup of milk? that's practically a meal ffs! and only a couple of hours after i feed her a good breakfast of porridge and fruit with a cup of milk. why why why?! and then i'm supposed to still feed her lunch at midday when her brother and i eat? she says herself that nursery feed her lunch it's weird why do they insist on feeding them? my daughter's perfectly healthy as is she does not need an extra meal forced upon her! she does not do more exercise at nursery than at home as is their excuse. and i know they encourage her to eat as they were a bit worried that she was not a good eater when she only was hungry enough for a few grapes on the first day. she's a perfectly good eater. not a skinny delicate child. and then she walks out of nursery with a chocolate bar in her hand! it was someone's birthday apparently. and then she cries as i tell her it's for after lunch not before even though all the other kids are stuffing their faces... :(
and then later she goes to dance class... they give them a single sweet at the end of the class. only once a week, they've just done 45 mins of dancing... it's not the end of the world right? but still not happy about it - who are they to introduce this crap to my kid!? but am allowing it. don't want her to be left out.
but then on top of that she says they had cake there as it was someone's birthday! why do they not inform the parents about this?

so now she's barely eaten any dinner. argh!

OP posts:
TragicallyHip · 08/09/2011 18:43

Fgs what the hell is wrong with a snack? Ok maybe she didn't need the toast but fruit?

HoneyPablo · 08/09/2011 18:44

YABU
There has been lots of research that shows children do not reach their potential when their basic needs are not being met. Healthy food and drinks are an essential part of this.
There is also plenty of research that shows that some children arrive at nursery/school without having any breakfast and go home to very unhealthy meals.
As for the cakes, so what? A cake on your birthday is a treat.
You need to lighten up and have lunch a bit later.

Ormirian · 08/09/2011 18:45

BTW "all the other kids are stuffing their faces..." I'm afraid this particular phrase says a great deal about you and your attitude to food.

IShouldHaveBeenAPairOfClaws · 08/09/2011 18:45

This does read like a parody. You are not so much being unreasonable as you are being silly.

itisnearlysummer · 08/09/2011 18:46

Here here flisspaps.

Sick of the Hmms I get for only buying butter (organic and free range dontcha know). MIL is ALWAYS telling me I should get those low fat spreads cos they're healthier. Er no, they're not, they're just lower in fat and you need a bit of fat.

Even if it's saturated fat in butter, it's still better than all the crap in the low fat spreads. And I know that because my holistic therapist/nutritionist friend told me so! Wink

ScarlettCrossbones · 08/09/2011 18:47

Your language is so emotive: does not need an extra meal forced upon her! - I hardly think she's being bent over backwards with her mouth held open - if she is full, she won't eat any more!

other kids stuffing their faces - you mean, eating their snack.

Perhaps move her to that nursery that was in the news a while back, which gave nothing but fruit as snacks - up to ten pieces a day? No calories to worry about there Wink.

YABU.

AuntyJ · 08/09/2011 18:47

3yr olds need upto 1000-1500 calories a day. Due to the size of thier stomachs they are not going to get that from 3 meals a day. They need regular snacks between their main meals.
YABVU

RitaMorgan · 08/09/2011 18:47

YABU - you'll pass your food issues on to your dd if you don't rein them in now!

Small children do better on small, frequent meals than 3 big ones. My ds is only 13 months and has weetabix or porridge at home for breakfast, a morning snack of milk/toast/banana at nursery, lunch at nursery, a cup of milk and a snack of cheese and fruit in the afternoon at home and then a proper dinner.

They only eat as much as they need to at this age.

amIbeingdaft · 08/09/2011 18:49
  1. If she wasn't hungry she wouldn't eat the snack.
  1. A bit of cake on someone's birthday is normal, and nice, and it's lovely that your daughter is celebrating these traditions with her friends. it's the start of her 'social life' outside the home, and it's an exciting time for her- you really should be happy about this.
  1. You seriously seem to have food issues. Please think very carefully about whether you are passing them on to your child, and try not to.
Original poster
glub · 08/09/2011 18:50

wow lots of replies! well i'd feel mean cutting down her breakfast and lunch. and yeah sure it's healthy snack, but a completely unnecessary one as far as my daughter is concerned.

as for being flexible they eat at set times i'm not the sort of parent who whips out food as and when. set times for hunger (nice and predictable), eating and the resulting mess thank you very much. and i have a little one who gets whiny and hungry at twelve. so now i have to adjust his routine too. which will surely affect his sleep...

as for the cake. i would have like the option of rejecting it or adjusting the portion to reflect the other crap she had that day.

OP posts:
ScarlettCrossbones · 08/09/2011 18:54

set times for hunger (nice and predictable) - but there are no set times for hunger! Do you get exactly the same degree of hungry every day at the same times, no matter how much or how little exercise you've been doing? The human stomach just doesn't work like that!

As PPs have said, if she doesn't feel like this "unnecessary" snack, she will refuse it.

Hulababy · 08/09/2011 18:54

Nursery isn't there to cater for just your child though. Nurseries NEED to offer these snacks for all children.

I think you do need to look at your own inflexibility regarding food and mealtimes.

It is far better for toddlers and little children to have regularly small offerings of food than three big meals anyway.

Why would it be mean to reduce her breakfast size in order to allow for her snack at mid afternoon? I don't understand why that would be mean.

And are nursery forcing her? Or is she eating because she is feeling a bit peckish.

If she has had toast at mid morning, you could reduce her lunch a little sure;y/ Again, why would doing so be mean - if she isn't that hungry surely it would be the sensible approach?

maristella · 08/09/2011 18:57

Seriously, don't worry about it!

mummymccar · 08/09/2011 18:58

But the cake is a treat - why would you reject it?

Why is the snack unnecessary? Surely a healthy snack will only aid her nutrition?

As for the set times you'll find that the nursery are probably having the snack at the same time every day so your daughter will be hungry then.

It is your choice but as someone who has worked in childcare I know that if a mother suddenly refused their child a healthy snack for the reasons you have given we would begin to have concerns.

Greensleeves · 08/09/2011 18:58

Why are you sending her to a nursery if you want to have total control over everything that passes her lips?

Short of sticking a placard round her neck with "Nil by mouth" written on it, I think there is little you can do. Just chillax. It's only cake.

Teaandcakeplease · 08/09/2011 19:00

YAB a little U. This all sounds standard to me, my DD has just started reception class but when she was in nursery they also offered a snack. I think it was just fruit however your DD doesn't have to eat everything they offer does she? Confused My DD still has a snack and milk in reception as well. They also offered a snack in pre school too.

It sounds like you offer a very good well balanced diet at home. She will grow up happy and healthy, but there will be snacks and treats on birthdays for a while to come, so I would try to find a balance and not worry too much if you can.

Perhaps as others have suggested you need to re-look at your timings for lunch for her, even if it is a little inconvenient if your son needs to eat a different time to her for now? My two children are 17 months apart and I've had to adjust things to accomodate each of them at different stages.

Journey · 08/09/2011 19:00

So agree with JodieHarsh

banana87 · 08/09/2011 19:01

"as for being flexible they eat at set times i'm not the sort of parent who whips out food as and when. set times for hunger (nice and predictable), eating and the resulting mess thank you very much. and i have a little one who gets whiny and hungry at twelve. so now i have to adjust his routine too. which will surely affect his sleep..."

You are being silly. Feed LO when you get home, and prepare your DD's. After LO has gone for a nap, feed DD. Clean up mess after. It's really not rocket science.

Ragwort · 08/09/2011 19:03

'as for the cake. i would have like the option of rejecting it or adjusting the portion to reflect the other crap she had that day'

poor kid - she will have serious food attitudes if she takes after you Grin.

Do you never enjoy a cake and still have a full meal later that day?

BoastingByStealth · 08/09/2011 19:03

YABU about the whole nursery thing. If you've given her a big breakfast she won't eat everything, no harm offering it, is there? Other kids at nursery won't have eaten since 8am. And for SOME kids its the best meal they get. It's SO sad but true.

As for people offering your child sweets, just teach her to say "No thankyou they make you fat and rot your teeth "

And have a quiet word with those offering. Make them clear you don't allow it.

My child came out of school one day with a lollipop stuck in his mouth for reward for being good. The teacher was Shock when I said "BIN" and he threw it away. From then on my kids have been given fancy pencils, rubbers, little toys etc for reward at school. They love it, as their prizes last. They don't ever feel left out because I DO treat them, just not with tooth rotters, and if everyone else gets something they are not allowed, they get something BETTER off me.

Even my 3 yo ds says "no thankyou" when offered tooth rotters.

missmogwi · 08/09/2011 19:04

YABU
One sweet after dancing? My two would be chewing their arms off.

Feminine · 08/09/2011 19:05

YABU ...:)

Are you worried about your DD gaining too much weight?

mumnotmachine · 08/09/2011 19:05

But its not neccessarily about adjusting your DDs meal times, just giving her less.
The kids love snacktime in nursery, its as much part of the day as playtime and story time

Original poster
glub · 08/09/2011 19:05

a lot of you seem to think i have a problem with food just cos i don't like other people giving my daughter junk food. i want her to eat healthily she's three years old she needs good food to grow and all that. and she's not the sort of girl who's going to reject food if it's put under her nose and everyone else is having some, not unless she doesn't like it. it'll be my food she gets at home ie lunch and dinner that get rejected as she'll be full up already. so much for me giving her decent meals. and i do understand the point a number of you are making about smaller, more frequent meals but three meals plus an afternoon snack isn't bad is it? no mid-morning slumps here as she always gets a good breakfast. and she does not hesitate to tell me if she ever is hungry.

nor as i hope you can tell am i overly strict about banning junk food. she gets it once or twice a week as a treat in addition to the sweet after dancing. i just think that three times in one day is excessive!

i suppose i'll just have to adjust portions at home, and change the routine of everything :(

OP posts:
Newbabynewmum · 08/09/2011 19:05

Goodness. Like someone else said if ur so bothered then take her out of nursery. If ur at home anyway then you have total control. You seem to be ignoring all the salient, good points people are making.