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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu - other people feeding my child

256 replies

glub · 08/09/2011 18:28

so my daughter's started nursery this term. this nursery feeds them a 'snack' at half ten in the morning. since when does a snack consist of a slice of toast, buttered presumably, three quarters of an apple, half a banana and a cup of milk? that's practically a meal ffs! and only a couple of hours after i feed her a good breakfast of porridge and fruit with a cup of milk. why why why?! and then i'm supposed to still feed her lunch at midday when her brother and i eat? she says herself that nursery feed her lunch it's weird why do they insist on feeding them? my daughter's perfectly healthy as is she does not need an extra meal forced upon her! she does not do more exercise at nursery than at home as is their excuse. and i know they encourage her to eat as they were a bit worried that she was not a good eater when she only was hungry enough for a few grapes on the first day. she's a perfectly good eater. not a skinny delicate child. and then she walks out of nursery with a chocolate bar in her hand! it was someone's birthday apparently. and then she cries as i tell her it's for after lunch not before even though all the other kids are stuffing their faces... :(
and then later she goes to dance class... they give them a single sweet at the end of the class. only once a week, they've just done 45 mins of dancing... it's not the end of the world right? but still not happy about it - who are they to introduce this crap to my kid!? but am allowing it. don't want her to be left out.
but then on top of that she says they had cake there as it was someone's birthday! why do they not inform the parents about this?

so now she's barely eaten any dinner. argh!

OP posts:

Original poster

glub · 08/09/2011 21:04

she's 3 ffs. once/twice a week junk food not three times in one day! as i said i hope this is very unusual. it's only day two of term. am genuinely interested in whether this is normal or not. if it is v unusual i won't have to think up ways of dealing with it.

but i'm getting the feeling now you're just disagreeing with me for the hell of it...

OP posts:

pigletmania · 08/09/2011 21:04

tastymuffins is as bad as the op

TheGhostNotMe · 08/09/2011 21:05

Glub just out of interest, were you this strict when they were babies and needed feeding? Did you have scheduled times? Did you per chance follow Gina Ford?

I dont know how often my kids eat "junk". I know they eat the 5 a day fruit/veg, a good mix of proteins, carbs, fats and dairy. So anything else they have doesnt really register IYSWIM. I dont limit them to once or twice a week, neither do I let them have 3 a day. Somewhere in between.

trinot · 08/09/2011 21:05

I've just heard of this 80/20 rule and a general principal to healthy eating. 80% of what you eat is healthy and 20% treat type stuff. It seems a quite reasonable suggestion to me. It's not healthy to not have any 'junk' and I really think glub is heading in a dangerous direction but being, what we have all agreed as particulairly stressed out about this.
You have to admit glub that no one (that I can see) has said you are being reasonable?

banana87 · 08/09/2011 21:05

So on both days she was offered chocolate and cake?

TheGhostNotMe · 08/09/2011 21:06

but i'm getting the feeling now you're just disagreeing with me for the hell of it...

Ever get the hint that maybe we're disagreeing because in fact YABU???!!?

devonshiredumpling · 08/09/2011 21:07

glub if you are worried about food waste at lunch time then do what we do and cut up fruit and veg and do things like cheese chunks with snack crackers or bread that you butter as and when they are wanted and as long as you have not put anything on their plates then all the fruit and veg can be put into plastic containers in the fridge for future snacks the crackers can be put back in the box and the bread back in the bag but for goodness sake lighten up my son has just started school and because our attitude to food is fairly light than our son has now started eating stuff that he refused before as long as you are lighthearted than so will you children be

OveranxiousUnderated · 08/09/2011 21:07

Must be a bad parent!!

StrandedBear · 08/09/2011 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 08/09/2011 21:10

Hate the idea of the statement "no junk food. " What exacty does that mean? The term junk food means different things to different people. Which of these are junk food:

sweets
lollipop
ice cream
homeade chocolate cake
flapjack
cupcake
burger
oven baked chips/wedges
chocolate bar

etc...

The list of what some people mean and some don't would be madness!

Go with everything in moderation and use common sense.

SiamoFottuti · 08/09/2011 21:15

you might want to take the rod out of you arse OP, and chill out to fuck.

She's a child, not a private in the army.

banana87 · 08/09/2011 21:16

I am dying to know from glub what junk food she had on two consecutive days of nursery....

slavetofilofax · 08/09/2011 21:19

Actually, I think a whole slice of toast, three quarters of an apple and half a banana is too bog a snack for a 3yo.

I work in a nursery, and we used to give a whole piece of fruit and half a slice of toast, OFSTED told us it was too much! We were advised to give half a piece of fruit and half a piece of toast.

They do need a snack though, and the nursery are obliged to provide one, for lots of very good reasons.

As for the junk food thing, 3 things in one day is alot, bit it probably doesn't happen often. It is one of the things you are going to have to get used to though now that your dd is at nursery. It gets worse at school! BUT, imo, a good nursery will give some treats. Children need to learn to make healthy choices about food for themselves, and they cannot do that if their entire diet is dictated to them by someone else. People, especially children, learn best by 'doing', and that includes healthy eating, with the right support of course.

HandsOffOurLand · 08/09/2011 21:20

I can't believe how unpleasant some people have been on here.

OP, yanbu. There is nothing wrong with children having three good meals and an afternoon snack. It does not make you a control freak, and it does not mean you have ishoos with food.

The sweets-as-rewards thing is really irritating. DD used to get a sweet after ballet; in the end, she only wanted to go to ballet for the sweet. I gave her a mini pack of Haribo as a treat once a week after tea, and it saved me a fortune in ballet lessons. It is ridiculous. If a child is doing an activity he/she likes, they really don't need rewarding. If they do have a reward, then surely it should be related to what they've done (sticker for good work or whatever)? At my DD's school, they were given biscuits last year for being helpful. What was that about?

If a nursery wants to offer a morning snack, a piece of fruit would be perfectly adequate. Gah.

I'm also at all those who say that children don't have to eat things that are offered if they're not hungry. One of mine would eat until she exploded, quite regardless of whether she was hungry or not.

But to a large extent you just have to go with the flow, especially when it comes to birthdays and so on (though I steal the Haribo from party bags, as I like them too). Fortunately my DCs are given birthday treats on the spot at school so don't come out stuffing themselves with them.

amIbeingdaft · 08/09/2011 21:20

OP, I have a friend who is just like you (I'm actually wondering if you're her) and she is clearly unhappy. You really do need to lighten up. You're getting a hard time on here, and I feel sorry for you, but you need to take on board that people are being like this because this is not normal. Really, it's not.

And as for the person who made her child throw away the lollipop....wow! I hope your smugness keeps you company in your old age, because your kids will be a long way away with their perfect teeth, avoiding their toxic mother.

SiamoFottuti · 08/09/2011 21:22

One sweet, after ballet? Its the end of the fucking world as we know it.

HandsOffOurLand · 08/09/2011 21:23

SiamoFottuti, that is utterly revolting.

duckdodgers · 08/09/2011 21:23

as i said i hope this is very unusual. it's only day two of term. am genuinely interested in whether this is normal or not. if it is v unusual i won't have to think up ways of dealing with it.
but i'm getting the feeling now you're just disagreeing with me for the hell of it.

Think up of ways to deal with it??? Seriously your DD had a snack and some birthday cake not poison!! That sentence indicates that you have serious control issues, this is about food but I imagine you have other issues in life and not just with your children, your posts give me the impression that you go into a complete panic and cant tolerate anything outwith your "routine" and in this case its about food.

Seriously Im not disagreeing with you for the "hell of it" - but you are setting yourself up for a lot more anxiety in the future. You could benefit from CBT to deal with your anxiety tbh.

HandsOffOurLand · 08/09/2011 21:23

(I meant your earlier post, not the one above mine).

SiamoFottuti · 08/09/2011 21:24

"Utterly revolting"?

Explains a lot, you're OTT about everything.

HandsOffOurLand · 08/09/2011 21:26

Eh???

Now you have me well and truly puzzled.

If it isn't utterly revolting to say: "you might want to take the rod out of you arse OP, and chill out to fuck.", then I don't know what it is.

Original poster

glub · 08/09/2011 21:27

trinot. unless for some medical reason foods dense in fat and sugar are required at a moment's notice, no-one actually needs to be eating processed nutritionless crap. in fact i think they'd be much better off without it. but that doesn't stop me baking a cake/gingerbread/whatever else now and then, or buying said processed crap. just not all the bloody time. it's not normal for me, it's not normal for any of us in her family. i try to buy stuff with as few ingredients as possible. eg margarine is a nono lol it's butter for me.

theghostnotme. did you per chance manage to breastfeed successfully? i sadly didn't. when you find yourself constantly washing, filling, warming up bottles, you do, or at least i did try to push feeds slowly but steadily towards being more regular. whilst not following it to the letter, i did find gina ford's suggestions a great help. my two have grown up on regular meals. they're both happy and healthy and i've been more relaxed for it.

OP posts:

Goldenbear · 08/09/2011 21:30

If your child has a healthy approach to food she will eat what she wants and leave the rest. At my DS's nursery they would have a snack of sandwiches, Fruit and malt loaf, or bannana loaf, i think it is pretty standard. Are you worried about her getting fat or 'eating junk' because you sound like you are counting her calories!

SiamoFottuti · 08/09/2011 21:31

then you don't know what is. Sheltered life, huh?

TheGhostNotMe · 08/09/2011 21:32

glub I FF my first son. I BF my second. Both were fed on demand. If DS1 wanted a bottle 2 hours after the previous he got it. I at no point tried to push him into going 3, 4 or 5 hours between feeds. Yes, bottles are relentless - as is most points of parenting - but children dont come with timers set to certain mealtimes.

What do you do if your children are invited to a birthday party 1-3pm with lunch? or 2-4pm with an early tea?

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