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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu - other people feeding my child

256 replies

glub · 08/09/2011 18:28

so my daughter's started nursery this term. this nursery feeds them a 'snack' at half ten in the morning. since when does a snack consist of a slice of toast, buttered presumably, three quarters of an apple, half a banana and a cup of milk? that's practically a meal ffs! and only a couple of hours after i feed her a good breakfast of porridge and fruit with a cup of milk. why why why?! and then i'm supposed to still feed her lunch at midday when her brother and i eat? she says herself that nursery feed her lunch it's weird why do they insist on feeding them? my daughter's perfectly healthy as is she does not need an extra meal forced upon her! she does not do more exercise at nursery than at home as is their excuse. and i know they encourage her to eat as they were a bit worried that she was not a good eater when she only was hungry enough for a few grapes on the first day. she's a perfectly good eater. not a skinny delicate child. and then she walks out of nursery with a chocolate bar in her hand! it was someone's birthday apparently. and then she cries as i tell her it's for after lunch not before even though all the other kids are stuffing their faces... :(
and then later she goes to dance class... they give them a single sweet at the end of the class. only once a week, they've just done 45 mins of dancing... it's not the end of the world right? but still not happy about it - who are they to introduce this crap to my kid!? but am allowing it. don't want her to be left out.
but then on top of that she says they had cake there as it was someone's birthday! why do they not inform the parents about this?

so now she's barely eaten any dinner. argh!

OP posts:
Sofabitch · 08/09/2011 20:44

My children would have said that wasn't enough of a snack. Just because your dd is a light eater doesn't mean everyone's is.

halcyondays · 08/09/2011 20:44

Nobody likes to waste food, but it's unavoidable sometimes with children. Surely it's more important for children to develop a healthy relaxed attitude to food and mealtimes than to worry about a little bit being wasted or worrying about what time they eat at. If it bothers you, start them off with a small amount and then give them more if they're still hungry.

dirtydishesmakemesad · 08/09/2011 20:46

yabu the food seems fine to me. My children eat a good breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner they are not overweight or unhealthy I thought that was normal!
Even in school age children (my oldest is 7 so not sure when it stops) they are given fruit morning and afternoon as a snack.
If your dd isnt hungry at lunch give her lunch later or just give her less lunch?

StrandedBear · 08/09/2011 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RitaMorgan · 08/09/2011 20:47

Your children aren't robots. Sometimes life is unpredictable.

halcyondays · 08/09/2011 20:48

Even when my children are at home all day with me, I find their appetites are variable. Some days they will pick at their food, other days they will eat us out of house and home. I can't always predict how much they're likely to eat.

Hulababy · 08/09/2011 20:49

I would avoid the term junk food.

No food is really altogether bad. Some should be offered in moderation and only had occasionally that's all.

The cake - is it junk food? I am not sure it is. It is a sweet food, and one to be had in moderation yes, but junk? Not necessarily.

A chocolate bar - chocolate isn't altogether bad.

A sweet - ok, not very nutritional, but did you honestly not quite like the odd sweetie? Aren;t the odd sweets part of childhood?

Milk/toast/fruit - nothing junk or wrong there int he slightest. All very healthy parts of a normal diet.

I think it was just very very unusual that your DD got offered all three of these on one days.

How long has your child been at nursery? How many times has this happened?

Original poster
glub · 08/09/2011 20:50

junk food, you know. stuff you don't need. has little or no nutritional value. giving a bar of chocolate to take away from nursery excludes the social aspect of indulging together. like drinking alone as opposed to going to the pub.

OP posts:
minimisschief · 08/09/2011 20:51

what is up with people freaking out about food on this board.

WoofToYouTooLady · 08/09/2011 20:51

yes Eric

toast and butter, fruit, I'm confused

OP has a young baby and ought to be cut some slack though, PFB plus a wee one can = irrational (I know I certainly was, big time)

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/09/2011 20:51

Oh you really are barking

Original poster
glub · 08/09/2011 20:52

replace indulging for celebrating

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 08/09/2011 20:52

It's a treat you fruitloop! As long as it's not her main food group and it's not every day then you really need to let it go.

upahill · 08/09/2011 20:54

Blimey glub
If you are truly wound up over this I am stunned!!

Smaller breakfast and lunch would do the trick surely as others have said.

Or is this AIBU
yes you are
No I'm not type of posts.

BluddyMoFo · 08/09/2011 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 08/09/2011 20:55

I agree that a chocolate bar to take home takes away the social side of sharing a birthday treat. But sadly, because of parent reactions in the past, many nurseries and schools are no longer allowed to let the children eat them together at snack time - "it's not healthy" cries went up. Hence, birthday treats have to be sent home.

When I was at school birthday treats were had there and then at school.

Luckily 9y DD's school is still the same. DD took in Every Flavour Bertie Botts Beans for her class to share at school this week - from out holiday - jelly beans really but odd flavours. The children and the teachers enjoyed them immensivly over lunch break. Where I work this wouldn't be allowed at all, sad really.

pigletmania · 08/09/2011 20:55

OP wait until your dc get older and buy a sneaky chocci bar, or chips at the chippie Shock

NormanTebbit · 08/09/2011 20:55

Wait til school, op.

My DD's are sleeping and dreaming of tomorrow's sugarfest Eid party.

Relax. It's just food

poolet · 08/09/2011 20:55

How can you refer to toast, apple, banana and milk as 'junk food'?

If your child eats her snack she must be hungry - I really think you need to look at the reason you want to restrict her food intake.

Occasional cake & sweets are treats and most people, including children, enjoy them. It is up to you as her parent to provide healthy food at home then the once in a while treats won't do any harm.

upahill · 08/09/2011 20:58

Wait until she gets to reception.
She will probably get an invite to about 20 parties as in the first year everyone tends to invite everyone until they have settled into their friendship groupl.

Your heart won't be able to stand it.

WibblyBibble · 08/09/2011 20:58

YABU. Get a fucking grip. Your daughter will end up with an eating disorder if you keep obsessing about what she eats so much. Tell her she doesn't have to eat the food at nursery etc if she isn't hungry and leave it up to her. Kids at nursery age do need high fat diets (yes, I know it's not 'cool', but that's biology), so butter is sensible. She obviously was hungry or she wouldn't have eaten it, would she? Jesus fucking christ.

OveranxiousUnderated · 08/09/2011 20:59

I think that sounds like a lovely snack. I wish my DD got offered that much as a snack at her nursery - she get's 1 slice of cucumber and 1 stick of carrot; or a few grapes and a slice of banana.

If your DD eats healthily at home, and most of the time in general then a 'treat' is nice and no big deal. I would hate to think of my DD missing out on an occasional treat due to my own feelings. I don't see the problem. YABU.

banana87 · 08/09/2011 20:59

Oh. My. God.

Do you not know by now that children are unpredictable? I am starting to feel sorry for your DD. She is seemingly only "allowed" to be hungry when you have "scheduled" her to be Confused.

pigletmania · 08/09/2011 21:00

Really op you are creating food issues for your dc in the future being like this. Children who are restricted certain things in childhood really go mad with the junk in teen/adulthood.

TastyMuffins · 08/09/2011 21:01

I have the same problem with the sweets and cakes. Sure the odd sweet won't harm a child but how do they know you don't just feed her junk food? What about children in child care or activities for the whole day getting one small treat after the other? While I appreciate people like to share cake and stuff for their kid's birthday, I'd rather it was at a party and not at school or nursery. It is a total pain to have to try and explain that they can't eat the chocolate right now!

I find that many children will eat the enormous snack meals which are often provided and still eat when they get home. Mine on the other hand has a small appetite and if he eats big meals in childcare eats little at home. Discuss the snack with the nursery and let them know that you are happy for her to not eat it all if she doesn't want to or to be offered a smaller portion and to ask for more if she wants it. Sometimes staff seem to expect them all to eat the same amount.

I always put on any forms for school and childcare 'no junk food' in the part that says is there any food your child can't eat or the any other information. TBH when I first did this I had no idea they would serve them junk. It does help if you then need to complain about the food they were given although I have found that they actually only check food requirements for religious reasons and allergies.

Speak to the nursery and dance class and explain your views, make it clear that you don't want your child singled out and ask them to consider other alternatives for everyone. Birthdays can be celebrated in other ways but they may not have thought of doing other things.

Don't forget to set a shining example on DD's birthday by taking in either something healthy or something that isn't food.

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