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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu - other people feeding my child

256 replies

glub · 08/09/2011 18:28

so my daughter's started nursery this term. this nursery feeds them a 'snack' at half ten in the morning. since when does a snack consist of a slice of toast, buttered presumably, three quarters of an apple, half a banana and a cup of milk? that's practically a meal ffs! and only a couple of hours after i feed her a good breakfast of porridge and fruit with a cup of milk. why why why?! and then i'm supposed to still feed her lunch at midday when her brother and i eat? she says herself that nursery feed her lunch it's weird why do they insist on feeding them? my daughter's perfectly healthy as is she does not need an extra meal forced upon her! she does not do more exercise at nursery than at home as is their excuse. and i know they encourage her to eat as they were a bit worried that she was not a good eater when she only was hungry enough for a few grapes on the first day. she's a perfectly good eater. not a skinny delicate child. and then she walks out of nursery with a chocolate bar in her hand! it was someone's birthday apparently. and then she cries as i tell her it's for after lunch not before even though all the other kids are stuffing their faces... :(
and then later she goes to dance class... they give them a single sweet at the end of the class. only once a week, they've just done 45 mins of dancing... it's not the end of the world right? but still not happy about it - who are they to introduce this crap to my kid!? but am allowing it. don't want her to be left out.
but then on top of that she says they had cake there as it was someone's birthday! why do they not inform the parents about this?

so now she's barely eaten any dinner. argh!

OP posts:
Newbabynewmum · 08/09/2011 19:06

"change the routine of everything" .... I'm going to have to hide this one now I think. It's not that big a deal!!!!

Greensleeves · 08/09/2011 19:09

well, it IS annoying if you are a routine person and you have got things more or less the way you want them, then something happens that buggers it up

but that's kids for you

snack time at nursery is about more than food, it's a part of her education - sharing food socially, manners, waiting etc

you will HAVE to be more easy-going than this later on, you really will - it's worth starting to address it now if you find it difficult

RitaMorgan · 08/09/2011 19:12

Oh no not change the routine! The sky will fall in!

FGS, you really need to relax a bit. Fruit and toast isn't junk - just give her a light lunch at home.

exoticfruits · 08/09/2011 19:12

i suppose i'll just have to adjust portions at home, and change the routine of everything

Sounds sensible. You can't have absolute control over everything as they get older.

pigletmania · 08/09/2011 19:13

Oh stop moaning and be grateful. And as someone has said its not all about your dd! Snacktime is part of the nursery routine, some kids might have not had a breakfast (mine refuses most of the time) so is starving by about 10am so gobbles down the snack. If they did not have it she would be starving by 12am and irritable.

BeaWheesht · 08/09/2011 19:13

Oh get a grip.

lady007pink · 08/09/2011 19:13

Oh I didn't know you could hide a thread!

BoringSchoolChoiceNickname · 08/09/2011 19:13

Adjust the rest of your routine, or home ed. Your choice.

banana87 · 08/09/2011 19:14

"a lot of you seem to think i have a problem with food just cos i don't like other people giving my daughter junk food. i want her to eat healthily she's three years old she needs good food to grow and all that. "

Seriously, its not every day that they get cake and sweets at nursery, so what are you complaining about?????

pigletmania · 08/09/2011 19:15

My dd is a very variable eater and always eats snack which I am grateful for. Then I feed her lunch between 12-1pm which she refuses most of the time and dinner which she eats depending on what it is.

SardineQueen · 08/09/2011 19:16

Restricting certain foods as "treats" can lead to a lifetime of difficult relationships with food - a cycle of "treating" and feeling guilty. My DH has this as do many others I know, it is a terrible way to be, it can lead to real obsession with food.

By being so uptight about all of this you are more likely to end up with a child with food issues than one with relaxed parents who eats when hungry, stops when full, enjoys different foods for different times and doesn't associate certain foods with treat/guilt etc.

Just FYI.

SDTGisAnEvilGenius · 08/09/2011 19:17

Fruit, milk and buttered toast is not 'crap', glub. And surely if your dd is hungry, she'll eat the snack, and if not, she won't - and the same will apply at lunchtime.

I'd understand your anger if she was being given cheesy chips and icecream milkshake for snack every day, but what the nursery are giving sounds fine to me.

As others have said, snack time is a good social time for the children - do you want your dd excluded from that? Or should she be sat at the table, with no food, whilst the others eat?

You mentioned the children being given a little chocolate bar - and then said the other children were 'stuffing their faces' with their chocolate - this is one of the things that has given people the impression that you have issues about food.

SardineQueen · 08/09/2011 19:17

Oh and YABU. It's only fruit and toast. If your DD wasn't hungry she wouldn't eat it. Fruit and toast isn't that exciting.

If they were offering a full cheeseboard, seafood selection and range of fine wines then you might have a point.

BoastingByStealth · 08/09/2011 19:18

You are sounding VU and like you can't bear to relinquish control over your child's diet and your home routine is set in stone, and evr so important.

"it'll be my food she gets at home ie lunch and dinner that get rejected as she'll be full up already. so much for me giving her decent meals."

She's getting decent meals at nursery. If they fill her up so she doesn't want YOUR food, so what? It means she's had her fill of good food.

SardineQueen · 08/09/2011 19:19

Incidentally at our nursery I have noticed that the children seem to eat pretty much the same but there is a difference between the ones who seem to walk a lot and the ones who seem to be in a car a lot.

Also just FYI.

Shitloads of exercise and lots of lovely calories is what these growing sprogs need IMO.

flack · 08/09/2011 19:22

yabu.
You are really in for a rough ride in future years, hun.

itisnearlysummer · 08/09/2011 19:22

But routines have to be flexible to a certain degree so that they can adapt to meet the developing needs of the child such as, oh I don't know, starting nursery!

StrandedBear · 08/09/2011 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
glub · 08/09/2011 19:23

sardinequeen yes, this i will bear in mind, as will i bear in mind all those whose kids don't eat proper breakfasts. i suppose i have to let the nursery snack thing go. but she gets a variety of things as treats it's not all about the edible ones. there's no focus on those and certainly no guilt.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilGenius · 08/09/2011 19:24

And have you taken on board the fact that the nursery snack is healthy food, so it's fine for her to eat it?

Greensleeves · 08/09/2011 19:25

Aw I feel a bit mean for taking the piss now

I was like this with my ds1 and I am not a nutter with food ishoos, I just had a different sense of perspective then from the one I have now

but honestly glub, what she is getting is good food - from you and at nursery. The odd bit of birthday cake is OK, really - we all have to clench our teeth every now and again when someone gives our children something - but as long as it isn't constant and she brushes her teeth she will be fine. Active healthy kids can take a LOT of calories.

ChablisLover · 08/09/2011 19:26

Yabu - I tried to have set meal times but discovered that it rarely worked for ds. He eats when hungry. Granted it has worked out at meal times but not always.

Kids get hungry at different times and during growth spurts can eat so much more. Ds started school this week and has ate like a horse. Much much more than normal.

At nursery they had same toast/pancakes/ milk/ fruit. If ds wasn't hungry he wouldn't eat it. Is your child eating it?

I agree with others re cake - it is treat and by denying you can cause problems later. Everything in moderation and all that equals well adjusted person with sensible attitude to food.

Teaandcakeplease · 08/09/2011 19:27

I am starting to wonder if there is more to this though. Perhaps some anxiousness about her diet and health or perhaps being concerned about how well she sleeps, depending on how well she's eaten or similar.

Oh I don't know Confused I do not post much in AIBU as I'm not the most articulate but I know personally that I used to get very uptight about routine for a while when I was very stressed and tired with 2 toddlers. That was before I was diagnosed with depression. ADs are marvellous things. I saw things in a much better perspective once on them.

mumnotmachine · 08/09/2011 19:32

Im confused as to why you need to change the routine?

mumblecrumble · 08/09/2011 19:34

Hey there,
My daughter ate a bowl of cereal at home around 7 then cereal and toast at nursery around 9, then snack around 10.30, then lunch then snack at 3 then tea at 4.30 then a supper with me [usually a little portion of what we had for tea] and my lordy she burnt it all off!!!! She's bang on the 50 centile thingy and just doesn;t stop moving!

Tea and cake - hee hee agree that AD give massive rush of perspective!!!

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