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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu - other people feeding my child

256 replies

glub · 08/09/2011 18:28

so my daughter's started nursery this term. this nursery feeds them a 'snack' at half ten in the morning. since when does a snack consist of a slice of toast, buttered presumably, three quarters of an apple, half a banana and a cup of milk? that's practically a meal ffs! and only a couple of hours after i feed her a good breakfast of porridge and fruit with a cup of milk. why why why?! and then i'm supposed to still feed her lunch at midday when her brother and i eat? she says herself that nursery feed her lunch it's weird why do they insist on feeding them? my daughter's perfectly healthy as is she does not need an extra meal forced upon her! she does not do more exercise at nursery than at home as is their excuse. and i know they encourage her to eat as they were a bit worried that she was not a good eater when she only was hungry enough for a few grapes on the first day. she's a perfectly good eater. not a skinny delicate child. and then she walks out of nursery with a chocolate bar in her hand! it was someone's birthday apparently. and then she cries as i tell her it's for after lunch not before even though all the other kids are stuffing their faces... :(
and then later she goes to dance class... they give them a single sweet at the end of the class. only once a week, they've just done 45 mins of dancing... it's not the end of the world right? but still not happy about it - who are they to introduce this crap to my kid!? but am allowing it. don't want her to be left out.
but then on top of that she says they had cake there as it was someone's birthday! why do they not inform the parents about this?

so now she's barely eaten any dinner. argh!

OP posts:
Chestnutx3 · 08/09/2011 19:35

Does your child only eat when hungry - thats the most important thing to teach a toddler about food IMO. Eating at set mealtimes may have harmed that. If she ate the snack then either she was hungry (good) or doesn't know that you only eat when you are hungry rather than presented with food (long term problems likely).

mumblecrumble · 08/09/2011 19:39

True - we get small portions and seconds if needed in our house.

halcyondays · 08/09/2011 19:40

YABU, if she has a good breakfast and a substantial snack in the morning, just give her a smaller lunch. Mine have often had similar snacks at parent and toddler groups and at nursery. Sometimes mine will eat a good breakfast, sometimes not, in which case they are glad of a decent snack mid morning. I would just be glad that they're providing her with a good, healthy snack. Mine often seemed to be at their hungriest mid morning.

I used to go to a toddler group where they used to give them a sweet or two at the end. Seriously, what is the big deal? And being given the odd bit of cake or chocolate bar us really not the end if the world, is it?

ScarlettCrossbones · 08/09/2011 19:46

Chestnutx3 - nail on the head.

trinot · 08/09/2011 19:59

I am going to start with agreeing with glub, in a way...just so she will have someone agreeing....
I have a bit of an issue with sweets as a reward (being a fatty myself and trying not to make my kids fat). After dance class they could give something like a sticker instead of a sweet. I know it's only one, once a week but I think the bigger message is 'reward yourself with food' leading to an emotional eating situation. It's kind of like going to the gym then rewarding yourself with cake, but on a smaller scale.

I think about these things a lot and I see it a lot and I'm just saying that an unhealthy relationship could be developed with food...eventually and if in other aspects of life, not just dance class. For example, I saw a boy bang his head and after comforting him the mum said, 'do you want a sweetie?' to get him over the last few tears. To me the message was, if you're sad or upset, eat to make yourself feel better.

That's where the agreement stops unfortch, glub. You are a bit dramatic (change the whole routine) and apparently quite anxious about food and this could be just as detrimental to your dd as a bad diet.

halcyondays · 08/09/2011 20:13

I see your point, trinot, but I always think that even if food isn't offered as a reward or comfort, by it's very nature food is rewarding and comforting. Babies breastfeeds for comfort as well as nutrition. I feel it's ok to occasionally offer food as reward or comfort, as long as it's not the only tool you use, and as you long as you don't go overboard. For instance if I reward myself with a cup of tea and a couple of biscuits after doing some work, it's fine, not so good if I reward myself with the whole packet.

Original poster
glub · 08/09/2011 20:16

chestnut - my children get set opportunities to eat. it's really not practical for me to do it any other way. and at these times, if they want to leave half their food then that's ok, and if they want more then that's ok too. all down to how much they've been running around that day and how much they like the food i suppose.

OP posts:
halcyondays · 08/09/2011 20:20

Why isn't it practical to do it any other way? Confused
I don't understand why you have to change your whole routine because of a snack at nursery, why can't you just give them both their lunch at the usual time but give your dd a smaller lunch?

Original poster
glub · 08/09/2011 20:22

just i don't want them leaving food all the time i don't like being wasteful. just another reason for liking them to be fairly predictable with their appetites.

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 08/09/2011 20:23

You utter weirdo.

ButWhyIsTheGinGone · 08/09/2011 20:26

YANBU..... YABW

pigletmania · 08/09/2011 20:27

Just give them less then! If they want more offer it! Apart from food, snack time teaches social skills and manners which some children don't get.

worraliberty · 08/09/2011 20:29

A slice of toast and a bit of fruit and you're creating all this fuss?

Precious much?

usualsuspect · 08/09/2011 20:29

wtf is up with MN just lately

have we had an invasion ,or is this it now ?

stupid bloody threads

MumblingRagDoll · 08/09/2011 20:34

Jeez they can't win! I was thrilled when my DD who also began nursery this term told me she'd eaten a good snack AND she was given a small pack of sweets as she left..it was reward for being brave....I am happy the nursery care and feed her well. It' free too...we're VERY lucky to have such treatment. Stoo moaning!

MumblingRagDoll · 08/09/2011 20:35

glub love....your children may get set times to eat during the time YOU are looking after them...when you are happy to give them over to others then you don't control it all anymore..

Chestnutx3 · 08/09/2011 20:35

You need to learn to live with wasted food with children. It is important to do so - it is very important for them to STOP EATING WHEN THEY ARE FULL NOT WHEN THEIR PLATE IS EMPTY.

Get off your arse and start looking after your kids.

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/09/2011 20:35

My DS eats loads at nursery. He has a tiny breakfast and a snack when he gets home. It's great. I know he's fed, I pay for it so why not, and I don't have to stress about cooking him a healthy balanced meal that he doesn't eat. Everyone's a winner.

Original poster
glub · 08/09/2011 20:40

yep halcyon that's another thing to try. will try that. but you must realise how much less stressful it is to know when your kids will be hungry and roughly how much they will eat.

nursery snack aside now. i think i've said enough about that. you lot have made enough good points about that for me to stop grumbling and adjust.

is it normal for three year-olds to be offered junk food so often?

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 08/09/2011 20:42

Good grief - really? All this fuss over a bit of toast & apple? A single sweet & a bit of birthday cake???

You seriously need to learn to chill out or you are going to end up with an ulcer. Your daughter is going to nursery, your son will follow in time - you need to adjust to the fact that you are now not in control 24/7 - that's life I'm afraid.

You really do come across as having both food & control issues.

Other children eating their chocolate - does not equal 'stuffing their faces' Hmm

trinot · 08/09/2011 20:42

whoa chestnut, she is obviously very concerned about her kids. Her decisions might be different to yours but it's not as though she hasn't thought about it. You are just being rude.

Original poster
glub · 08/09/2011 20:42

ooh fighting talk chestnut. try reading the post properly.

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 08/09/2011 20:43

What do you class as junk food? Because unless I've missed it you only mentioned one slice of birthday cake.

pigletmania · 08/09/2011 20:44

With my variable eater dd wasted food is part of the norm

ChippingIn · 08/09/2011 20:44

Eric Eric - you missed the 'one sweet' after a 45 minute dance class... how remiss of you!